Relationship Uncertain - is my friend's partner showing narcisistic behaviour?

[starbeam]

Sorry, probably narcissist was the wrong word to use?

Well, the person who got proposed to has PTSD and I emailed a domestic abuse place about some of the behaviours their partner was displaying and the domestic abuse place told me that every thing I listed were concerning indicators of emotional and coercive control and that the person is a victim of abuse.

SO this sudden marriage proposal seemed like an added thing to me that is a bit concerning and I just wondered if it's maybe a common thing abusers do, but maybe I'm wrong?

Well, not matter if I'm wrong on that one point, I am right about the other stuff.

 

[Sideways]

There’s nothing particularly narcissistic about a marriage proposal - “Everything I have, I want to share with you” is kind of the opposite of narcissism.

As for proposing while someone is coming through a period of grief? It’s kind of like saying “You’re in a dark time - I don’t care, I want to be here for you now, and beyond”...could be construed as a pretty genuine and romantic thing to do:confused:

 

[Fadeaway]

Could you give some examples of the behaviors you find concerning?

 

[EveHarrington]

I’m really confused about this whole thread.

What are you trying to gain by posting? (Honest question.)

You already state that the guy is emotionally abusive. What is to be gained by proving the marriage proposal is abusive, too?

Are you trying to save your friend?

You can’t.

You can only be there to SUPPORT her.

She is the one who has to make the decision to leave this guy.

If you go to her and say “all these random strangers on the internet told me that your boyfriend is narcissistic and that you should leave him!”......

Well, that’s going to go over like the biggest lead balloon you’ve ever seen.

And, you’ll lose your friend because you posted her story online.

So again, I ask you, what are you trying to gain in seeking out answers from us?

Remember, you can’t save your friend. You can only hope she makes the decision to leave him and support her along the way. Trying to break them apart will likely make her run to him even more.

 

[Deleted member 44240]

I just don’t understand. This is kind of vague. What type of behaviors has he shown? Without knowing what you’re trying to say, shoulda like the ptsd partner is being controlled at a time of convenience.

Your friend can really only save herself. IMO if it were me, I couldn’t allow myself to stay in a relationship where the word,”abuse”, is present; of any type: emotional, physical or mental. That alone is enough reason for me to leave. I know you want to help your friend, but why do you feel the need to search resources? She needs to help herself if it’s that important. Maybe she’s ok with everything happening to her. Did you ever think of that? Some people, for whatever reason, like abuse and toxic relationships. I would let her make the decision to find ways to get out; you might be overstepping boundaries.

 

[starbeam]

Could you give some examples of the behaviors you find concerning?

- Constantly accusing her of looking at other men.
- A lack of communication with her friends directly because of him.
- Her being so scared of how he will react to usually mundane events.
- Trying to persuade her that people close to her are abusive.
- Threatening to harm himself if she leaves him.
- Being made to feel guilty for his actions and;
- being manipulated into having sex when she doesn't want to

Someone made a very good point that maybe she enjoys how she's being treated. This could be true.

I am concerned for her but trying not to be, I think he is seriously bad news and to marry him so soon and to have agreed to do so whilst freshly grieving is very concerning.

But like some of you say, I can't stop her ruining her life.

 

[Fadeaway]

Someone made a very good point that maybe she enjoys how she's being treated. This could be true.

I am disturbed by this. I don't know why, but you are setting off my warning bells so I am out.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Who cares what the label is? Does he need a justification for acting the way he does? It doesn't make it any better or any less abusive. Some people are just assholes. The world is infested with them.

 

[Gs172003]

Who cares what the label is? Does he need a justification for acting the way he does? It doesn't mak...

He sounds like my ex.

 

[Gs172003]

I just don’t understand. This is kind of vague. What type of behaviors has he shown? Without knowing wha...

What makes you think people enjoy being on abusive relationships? There is a difference in "enjoying" them and not knowing any different. Or better yet being too scared or too brainwashed to leave.

 

[Deleted member 44240]

Rather I think so or not, or rather you believe they don’t, some people will leave a healthy relationship to go back into a toxic relationship. Try researching sometimes.

 

[Gs172003]

Rather I think so or not, or rather you believe they don’t, some people will leave a healthy relationshi...

Why don't you research why yourself?