Sufferer Unkillable spaceman - Child abuse & CSA

[Possum Josh]

Yo. I'm possum josh. Transgender man raised in a hell house. Two years no contact with those f*ckers, no regrets.
So, jumping into it. I was raised to clean up after a violent hoarder. It was a horrible situation, and the smallest things could trigger meltdowns. I had a brother who was not held responsible for his actions as he was the baby, albeit the age difference between us was two years. He was allowed a somewhat normal childhood, where my birthday was cancelled at age ten. As he got older, he would purposefully trigger our parents to send down their wrath on me. Where he had friends and video games, I was expected to spend most of my spare time brushing my garbage parent's hair and picking blackheads out of her back.

The worst part is that to the outside world they looked like a kooky happy family. I was not able to talk to anyone about what was happening until I was an adult, and I didn't realize the situation was abusive until years afterwards. I had part of my face sanded off with a nail polisher. There were improvised surgeries with exacto knives, tons of unwanted sexual contact, murdered pets, and violence against myself from ages so young I can't even remember. Mom bragged about how much she drank while she was pregnant, her favorite car game was to point out black people and scream the n word. When I came out of the closet the sexual violence ramped up and she enlisted my brother for assistance. I thought all this was normal. I thought I was the problem.

I'm in therapy now and I have a good steady job. But I am livid for the life I have lived.

 

[Chris-duck]

Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you had to go through all that, I hope you find whatever you're looking for here :) take care

 

[Swift]

Welcome to the forum Possum Josh.

Really really sad to hear what brought you here. Glad you found us, though.

There's a thread I started in Social for trans, nb, intersex and queer folk if you're interested in getting to know other queer and trans people on the forum. As a queer person I've found this a really really awesome space, and haven't even had a single negative comment about anything.

I've also found starting a "trauma diary" to be a helpful thing. I don't even generally post trauma, just day-to-day stuff.

Hope this forum helps you.

 

[ladee]

Welcome! Sorry for the reasons you are here, but am very glad you are. Hope you find this to be a supportive environment, no judgement, and lots of understanding.

Glad you have a safe place to be yourself, and met with support.

 

[Moon-as-blue]

It hurts to read your introduction. I can relate to your pain and feelings.
I just signed up myself and hope we can find support to deal with this childhood trauma.

I was "the bad kid" as well. Sat in the house all summer long ironing their wash and cleaning up the kitchen and bathroom after they had guests and drank and smoked. Today she doesn t remember. "YOU never did my wash!"
I am Not going to argue with her...

I wish you only the best. See you

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome. :hug:

 

[UnKnown-Self]

Welcome to the forum.

 

[Mach123]

Yo. I'm possum josh. Transgender man raised in a hell house. Two years no contact with those f*ckers, no regrets.
So, jumping into it. I was raised to clean up after a violent hoarder. It was a horrible situation, and the smallest things could trigger meltdowns. I had a brother who was not held responsible for his actions as he was the baby, albeit the age difference between us was two years. He was allowed a somewhat normal childhood, where my birthday was cancelled at age ten. As he got older, he would purposefully trigger our parents to send down their wrath on me. Where he had friends and video games, I was expected to spend most of my spare time brushing my garbage parent's hair and picking blackheads out of her back.

The worst part is that to the outside world they looked like a kooky happy family. I was not able to talk to anyone about what was happening until I was an adult, and I didn't realize the situation was abusive until years afterwards. I had part of my face sanded off with a nail polisher. There were improvised surgeries with exacto knives, tons of unwanted sexual contact, murdered pets, and violence against myself from ages so young I can't even remember. Mom bragged about how much she drank while she was pregnant, her favorite car game was to point out black people and scream the n word. When I came out of the closet the sexual violence ramped up and she enlisted my brother for assistance. I thought all this was normal. I thought I was the problem.

I'm in therapy now and I have a good steady job. But I am livid for the life I have lived.

I'm sorry but I laughed out loud when I read this. Being raised by these people and now living with it. Everyone was more or less like this in the old neighbourhood. The normal people had fences around their yards and you knew to let them alone. Where we went everything was all dilapidated and holes in the fence and hedges where we walked through and paths across the lawn. Plus a bunch of half dressed kids all in the early stages of ptsd hanging out of the trees or up on the roof. Every time I read a thing like this I feel right at home. Just like a horror movie. Not to mention the sex violence and drinking and that the kids were having sex with (abusing) each other. Everything's just fine.