Unstable due to a triggering situation

[Rani G2]

wow, it made a difference and very quickly. Now I get more of my reaction and it is ok, I've been through some sh*t.

@Whirlwind will check him out. Thanks. :-)

 

[Rachel2535]

This might sound irrational.. if so its due to how I feel after an encounter yesterday at work. This was such a small/ not even worth mentioning incident. There was a patient who stood at the counter and wanted a prescription. I didnt even have to make that prescription, it was my colleague who said "Wait a minute I need to ask the doctor!". The patient had a very specific rude/ arrogant attitude and I wanted to tell her if she could just take a seat in the waiting room because another patient came in. The worse thing was I couldnt...I went silent I feared her, and I felt aggression crawling up in my throat. The patient left and said thanks, so she wasnt even very rude, just the way she looked, her behaviour made me anxious.
Usually I do communicate pretty ok. I can assert myself, but then comes someone like this and I feel my inner cracking. Came home, crying and feeling weak/ stupid/ subjugated. I felt as if I need to submit myself to her...I even googled this person for hours because It didnt make sense to me why I felt so much fear regarding this person.

After so much work there are still people around who have that thing going which makes me feel like a wrack. Its not others, its my distorted view.

I feel very cracked in the inner. And the worst thing is I feel as if this person "should" judgeme and should have mercy. Its as if I want to tell her " look I am a piece of worthless sh*" you should punish me.

Its very hard to come out of this emotional bubble..

Not irrational at all. I think we all would have a hard time with that. Understanding peoples reactions and not taking it personally is a very hard feat. I know I have a hard time when someone gets angry with me if I let it it shuts me down. What we have to remember is every person and I mean every person is going through thier own insecurities, hardships, fears and so on. Knowing this has helped me stand back and think about that person and not take it as personal. Sometimes are harder then others but its possible. You are by no means worthless, you are beautifully and wonderfully made by a the Maker! -Rachel

 

[Rani G2]

I'm going through videos/ books on how to handle aggressive people.

A lot of work on my way.

 

[Rani G2]

Another situation today....where someone loudly said something in a military tone. I said..."No" and was slightly aggressive! This again felt like the "perpetrator" giving me commands. I wanted to lash out at her but was in Control. I talked back loudly. My problem is that I never feel as if I was active/assertive. Now my mind constantly replays the situation... and it doesnt stop! A voice says "You shouldve been even more aggressive".You should have said this and that!
I was not the most powerful...

I feel defeated....and I feel weak.

 

[MrMoonlight]

@PURUSHA please don't beat yourself up too bad. Replaying and questioning yourself like awful, in the past writing it on paper helped me stop the loop.

You are strong, a survivor.

 

[HealingInProcess]

I agree with what others have said that we have to be understanding of ourselves an forgiving of ourselves. Hypervigilance is definitely part of it and I have those struggles a lot. Also some people do also rub me the wrong way and trigger me and I don't even know why but I'm just working on forgiving myself. Healing rarely happens over night and is often a long process. I just have to forgive myself if I am triggered because it's outside of my control. Feelings are also outside of our control but we can control our reaction to them.

 

[Sideways]

It’s taken me a while to connect it, but I think I get what you’re going through. Completely opposite tone of voice, but I can absolutely get triggered by people using a particular tone of voice, especially if you add particular types of words or phrases. Issue I’ve always had, and still struggle with.

Context: I used to get hypnotised at the start of each time I was abused. The tone of voice that was used is really specific. But common. Every time the group therapist tries to guide us through a relaxation exercise, yoga instructors, meditation instructors. They all strike a particular calm tone of voice, and often use similar words and phrases about how I’m ‘starting to feel relaxed’ or ‘noticing my muscles...’ etc.

Just that tone? Is a huge trigger for me. Such that my group T now forewarns me if she’s about to do a relaxation or mindfulness exercise so that I can leave the room. My trauma yoga instructor did a lot of work with me individually so that I could attend her class, going over how to make slight changes to her tone that wouldn’t trigger me.

First off: this is a straight up, genuine, ptsd tigger. It sets off a ptsd-response, together with specific emotions and thoughts and memories and the whole package. And a big fat serve of “I’m NOT SAFE!” My amygdala has kicked in with fight or flight before I have any chance of thinking the situation through.

I see you pulling apart the meaning of it, trying to change your attitude towards vocal aggression etc. Lots of complex-brain stuff. Not too helpful in the moment if your amygdala is kicking in before the rest of your brain gets a chance to switch on.

I’ve come at this issue (if it is the same issue, which I think it is) from a different angle. This is a trigger. I need to approach it like a trigger.

Start by defining it: a particular tone of voice (male or female doesn’t seem to matter), particularly when combined with particular words or phrases. That’s the trigger.

Next: exposure therapy is still #1 for ptsd triggers, yeah? So, there are times when I’ve worked on it specifically as an issue (like with my yoga T) enough to cope with a specific setting.

But to overcome this trigger in general settings, you’d work gradually through exposure therapy, bit by bit.

For me, pulling apart the meaning of it all, trying to persuade my mind “this tone of voice is safe” - that’s just not gonna help. PTSD ‘triggers’ (in the classic meaning of the word) are hard-wired. You don’t persuade your brain to handle it differently, you gradually retrain your brain in small steps to respond differently.

That would mean working with your T or someone you trust, for time-limited sessions. Identify the tone as precisely as you can, and the types of words or phrases that go with it. Then gradually just reintroducing them as you keep yourself calm through the process.

Would that help?

When I’ve explained to T’s in the past that their tone of voice is the trigger and why, they seem to get that it’s an auditory trigger in much the same was as the sound of a gunshot.

ETA: Youtube is probably a great resource to use with your T. Hunting down short vids of fitness bootcamp exercises and stuff. That would give you controlled exposure to a variety of different voices and phrases, but all adopting similar tones.

 

[Rani G2]

but I can absolutely get triggered by people using a particular tone of voice, especially if you add particular types of words or phrases

@Sideways this is something I should think about...

for time-limited sessions. Identify the tone as precisely as you can, and the types of words or phrases that go with it. Then gradually just reintroducing them as you keep yourself calm through the process

Going to write this down...to keep in mind. Thanks

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I went up to the Lady who spoke in that tone, and said to her that I was a bit amgry, she didnt say anything. That didnt bother me, I needed that to be the one who says the last word...

These are games being played and the true core of trauma cooking over and over again..