Relationship Unsure What To Do About Belongings Left Behind...

[Deleted member 17302]

I don't actually trust, I assume that I am going to be ripped to shreds and hope the ride's worth it.

This is actually a very useful perspective. Thank you for sharing it.

 

[Deleted member 17302]

(OMG @FridayJones , the 'nose' is so funny. :eek: :roflmao: )

If I was kind & thought...

The things she left are mostly related to our daughter that died such as blankets, warm up bear used for babies comfort, etc. Boxes and boxes worth of things. Also her entire book collection.

I don't want her thinking she has a foot in the door to come back whenever she is done doing whatever with whomever she wants like I am some kind of pushover. I'm not interested in being a doormat. If she wants to climb the wall she made me put up to get back into my life, that is her decision. Otherwise, holding onto her things is like holding out hope and I just want to stop hurting and hope for her coming back is just intense pain.

If it were just stupid things I would throw the stuff out. I'm not interested in throwing out our daughters things. If anything I will keep the daughters things and throw out the ex partners things.

I greatly appreciate the insights I am getting in this thread, so all of you, thank you.

 

[Deleted member 17302]

Sorry for your pain.

I have personally driven their stuff to their newest door and put it on the f...

This is exactly what I am hoping for all together. You summed up all of it. Don't expect thanks. I expect full on hatred in person and through txt and voicemail for a couple weeks. I'm ok with that as long as I can move on without holding out hope for someone that seems to have made it clear she wants nothing to do with me even if that is just a front. If you want to say things are fine, then I will assume that is true. If you want to say you are done, then I will assume that is true. Regardless of if I know it is all crap or not.

Thank you for letting me know someone has done this and that it did bring some peace and reduction of anger.

 

[Recovery4Me]

Thank you for letting me know someone has done this

Welcome. It is a form of taking back your power.

I have PTSD : it does not have me.

 

[Recovery4Me]

. Truth be told, in the throes of PTSD, the last thing many of us need is pressure to be in a relationship.

I do not think there is a 'we' in this, perhaps many people period but not a blanket statement for PTSD. Hell, I have been untreated for years before it came into being a label and your quote has not been true for me. (((hugs))) Pressure is a different animal for many people. jmho

 

[Deleted member 17302]

You have made a lot of assumptions there. I can think of more than 20 reasons why someone wouldn't leave a voicemail or text, and none of them have anything to do with the conclusion you have drawn.

Could you please give me a few examples as it would help my mind quite a bit?

 

[Fadeaway]

Someone came to the door
Wanted to speak to you in person
Didn't feel like what they had to say was appropriate for voicemail
Didn't know what to say
Other people were listening
Voice mail is awkward
Text is impersonal
Thought you deserved more than just a voicemail

 

[scout86]

Not intending to speak for @Fadeaway , but I can give you a couple of my own.

1) I don't like talking on the phone to begin with and often don't leave messages.
2) Mind goes blank and can't think of anything to say, so I hang up.
3) Afraid of saying "something wrong", so I hang up.
4) Not sure I dialed the right number. (Depending on the voice mail message.)
5) What I want to say is too complicated to condense it into a brief message.
6) What I wanted to say suddenly doesn't seem that important.....

 

[Stickler]

If you really want to deliver her stuff to her, that probably is best...I would keep the baby stuff and pack it away with camphor so as to keep bugs out. That was your child too.

...I think in most places, from simple tenant/ landlord law, there may be some...I dunno, thing about how they have a month to remove their property, but you ought to start boxing it up now.

 

[EveHarrington]

I do not think there is a 'we' in this, perhaps many people period but not a blanket statement for P...

Knowing PTSD intimately, knowing other sufferers intimately, and knowing the best treatments for PTSD, it is impossible for me to believe that anyone with fully symptomatic untreated PTSD is in full command of their emotions, always living in "wise mind". I don't mean to be rude but if someone was indeed in full control of their emotions at the time of diagnosis, I would completely question the accuracy of a PTSD diagnosis. This IMHO goes directly against the basic premise of what PTSD is, including many criteria as required by the DSM; in addition I sincerely doubt that functionality could be diminished without some sort of emotional incapacity.

In addition, I urge you to read my statement again. I made no such blanket statement. I used the word "many" not "all" so this in no way implies that I was speaking for every other person with PTSD. I have read a lot about PTSD as well as my personal experience with others who have PTSD and I stand by my premise that the last thing that many of us need when fully symptomatic is to worry about a romantic relationship. I think you'd find the same to be true if you met as many other people as I have with PTSD and have read as much as I have regarding relationships with a PTSD person.

 

[Deleted member 17302]

Knowing PTSD intimately, knowing other sufferers intimately, and knowing the best treatments for P...

She was diagnosed by more than one professional that she has severe PTSD. She checked all the boxes there are to be checked the doctor said. It took getting kicked out of many doctors offices due to her uncontrollable rage that was being exhibited to the point she had to sign over rights to myself so that they would let me do the talking because that was the only way to even keep her under the rage level that caused us to get kicked out of the other places.

Therapist, doctor, and mental ward of a hospital, all made the same diagnosis.

My ex/partner said it was like being possessed and even though she knew what was going to happen, she couldn't fight the things she was doing. She felt like and looked like she was possessed by a demon or something. She said she can feel and remember some of what happens but more as a passenger more than herself being in control.

Information to inform the discussion you folks are having.

 

[Recovery4Me]

fully symptomatic untreated PTSD is in full command of their emotions, always living in "wise mind". I don't mean to be rude but if someone was indeed in full control of their emotions at the time of diagnosis, I would completely question the accuracy of a PTSD diagnosis.

I hear you and respect your position. Fortunately for me, not all trauma therapist believe the same and my severe PTSD was diagnosed...several times. DSM is not the Alpha and Omega just the working guideline at the current timeline. Review a few DSMs from the past. Anyway ...I and others may not fit in your "we".:hug:

Apologies to the hijack...may you find what you seek.