Very New To All This....

[jnmom]

Hello, I have been searching and reading as much as possible about PTSD and just came across this forum yesterday. My boyfriend of 9 months suffers from combat PTSD from being in Iraq 4 years ago. At first everything was great with us, he was and is the man of my dreams, but now something is off. He gets so angry and negative, he is also a police officer and he recently went to the 2011 memorial in Washington D.C., for fallen officers. I think it affected him more than either of us realized. Ever since he has been so distant, easily irritated, it feels like I can't do anything right. He was seeing a counselor for his ptsd and is on medication but i cant tell if it is helping or not. He is calmer and more laid back but seems more angry for some reason. He gets so uptight and nit picky at everything. I love him more than I've ever loved anyone, but it feels like he's in a different world right now. I just want to help him, he reassures me that he loves me too, but is feeling like he needs some space right now. I don't know what is ptsd and what is just normal guy stuff, I've never seen him like this.

 

[Fargo1]

Hello jnmom and welcome.

You are taking the first step in looking for help. Both you and he are going to need it. There are a lot of great people here, who have been where you are, and are at where you are going to be at some point. So ask away, vent away, and read read read the forum.

Fargo

 

[Steph_F]

Welcome...to my boat...I'll scoot over and hand ya a bucket so we can both bail water! haha!

I know what you mean about everything going fine then BAM! it's like you are dating someone else all together. Where is my sweet guy that flirts with me and helps me and shows me everyday how he cares for me and works so hard to keep our relationship happy?? Who is this man that just says "Yep, nope, or oh" or just ignores me all together? I kept asking myself, what did I do now?? My guy and I have been dating for almost a year, and we have hit a couple of rough patches and are in the middle of one right now and I too am always wondering "is this PTSD, relationship problems, normal guy stuff, is it really me, are we not right together, is this his way of breaking up with me?" Scares the crap outta me all the time. Sometimes I think it would be easier if we were living together and married already, I think I would have more confidence in "us" but honestly, I know the emotional distancing would actaully be harder on me then.

In this forum I found the answers to those questions and so much more. I think you will do better to learn about it yourself, so please ask questions! The supporters here, (like you and I) try to keep out bitching and complaining to the Supporter Discussion because although PTSD is different for everyone, I think that guilt is something that runs through every Vet around the world...and they know sometimes they were, are and will be a-holes to those they love, because of the nature of the beast, but the last thing we supporters want these wonderful guys and gals that have served and sacrificed for us is to feel more guilt. So we "harpies" whine and complain and pout and stomp our feet in that section! LoL read some of mine, I go hard-core sometimes haha!

Keep your chin up...try your best to give him the space he needs, smile at him daily, but don't be hurt if he doesn't smile back...I bet he wants to, but he simply just can't right now. Take time for you, do things you enjoy doing, but make sure he knows about them so he doesn't feel abandoned and neglected. Sometimes it seems with Vets with PTSD, the best way to love them is to turn your love for them back onto yourself. Let him see that you are ok, that he is not hurting you (even if he is, there will be another time to talk about that, but not when he is "numb"), let him see that you are still happy being his girl and that you are sticking with him come hell or high water...I got you, you are safe in my boat remember! haha!