I am a 37 years old male who grew up in an emotionally neglected and emotionally abusive family. I was emotionally bullied by my parents, and 5 elder siblings, neighbours, relatives, teachers; and sexually abused by labourers who worked and lived in my neighbourhood during my childhood. I was also witness to physical abuse of my 2 brothers by my father in my childhood; and I have also been witness to verbal abuse of my eldest brother and my mother by my father for more than 22 years.
In the past 10 years, I suffered narcissistic abuse at the hands of my narcissist father and his narcissistic business partners, which retraumatized me and has destroyed me completely. I started getting hypervigilant, confused, short-term memory loss, and pain in different parts of the body. I have also been suffering sleeplessness mostly at night since around 2013, and have been suffering from dry-cough and frequent urination since at least 2007.
I started journalling from March 2020 which has helped me a lot, but there is one thing that keeps bothering me. Every time I do something or visualize doing something, I imagine someone criticising me; which wasn't the case until 2018. I started noticing this more in the past few months.
I hope to find some answers and improve my condition, and also to share my own experiences from journaling and other methods that I have benefitted from.
In the past 10 years, I suffered narcissistic abuse at the hands of my narcissist father and his narcissistic business partners, which retraumatized me and has destroyed me completely. I started getting hypervigilant, confused, short-term memory loss, and pain in different parts of the body. I have also been suffering sleeplessness mostly at night since around 2013, and have been suffering from dry-cough and frequent urination since at least 2007.
I started journalling from March 2020 which has helped me a lot, but there is one thing that keeps bothering me. Every time I do something or visualize doing something, I imagine someone criticising me; which wasn't the case until 2018. I started noticing this more in the past few months.
I hope to find some answers and improve my condition, and also to share my own experiences from journaling and other methods that I have benefitted from.