View On Overly Positive Individuals

[Roslie22]

Hi all.

I was just wondering if anyone else feels rather distant to those that have super positive views on the world and have somewhat superstitious views (e.g everything happens for a reason, attracting positive energy, fate etc).

I personally find the everything happens for a reason a bit offensive
And other similar beliefs a bit erroneous . I catch myself thinking, " if they went through x y or z their beliefs would be challenged "
I don't know how I would react if someone told me that the abuse happened for a reason.

I just wanted to clarify also that for those who have these beliefs I do respect you and everyone is entitled to their own beliefs. .

I'm always happy when people tell me their view of the world, but I wonder if it's the ptsd, or perhaps life experience (that e.g just think positive and your wish will come true ) that makes me rather skeptical.

I think I was 10 when (not just for trauma reason) I became atheist and I try to avoid superstition as much as possible.

Is anyone else like this ?


Thanks guys, can't wait to hear your views !

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Is anyone else like this ?

Uh huh. I was actually just talking about this in my diary. My clutch went out last night. I am convinced after research the flywheel is out too which means I need to buy a new car. My dad has this positive thinking habit and keeps saying "well maybe its just a pin". Uh huh, you keep thinking that and I will continue worrying myself to death, not sleeping, trying to figure out how I will find the money for a new car.

I also NEVER say or think everything happens for a reason. I do give reasons and "explain away" my past but in reality, zero reason to have been raised in a cult but to satisfy two sexual sadists.

I tend to laugh to myself when I hear things like that. I think many abused people are that way as in reality there is zero reason for any abuse or crime.

 

[Fadeaway]

People like that are very lucky that they have yet to experience the realities we have. They are naive and it is easy to be jealous of that innocence. Others are just in denial. It helps them to cope with the harsh realities of this world by thinking this way.

 

[Naoru]

Just had a similar conversation with a religious friend last night.

I do not believe everything happens for a reason ... takes away from free will. We see what we want to see, positive and negative, to make sense of life, but I am not opposed to the belief itself; whatever helps someone get through, I cannot object.

I did not endure terrible abuse for a reason other than my perpetrators chose to do it. Their free will, their decisions caused what happened. Whatever lesson I may choose to learn from it is what I choose, not a preset destiny or grand reason from above.

And to "just think positive" ? :laugh::roflmao: Right.

 

[The Albatross]

Personally I can appreciate that there are people who are optimistic though I trend toward realist/stoic. I appreciate them though more than depressives. Given a choice between negative, neutral or optimistic... i'll be takin' the latter two as often as choice allows.

 

[The Albatross]

Are they lucky Fade? or is it that they have not had their dose of Adversity "yet"... everybody gets some ya know... though not maybe in "our way"... it is perhaps a gift to be blessed with adversity later in life though some I've cared for to end of life would say not so.

 

[The Albatross]

@Naoru ... which goes back to "We see what we want to see, positive and negative, to make sense of life".

 

[Fadeaway]

Yes, I would say they are lucky. Those who don't suffer adversity until later in life or those who have never endured a traumatic enough event to cause PTSD do not have to struggle so hard to find happiness in life. It is easier for them to build a rewarding satisfying life full of positive memories that make adversity later on in life easier to bare.

Let's say that even if I still ended up with PTSD, if I hadn't gotten it until much later in life, I could have enjoyed doing things normal teens do. I would have made much different choices in my 20's. I would have been more likely to be successful in college and be able to support myself instead of being on disability. Instead, the bulk of my life has been focused on healing and struggling to function from day o day instead of going out and accomplishing things I could have been proud of later on in life, or having memories I could have cherished later on in life. I am having to work to damn hard to hopefully one day have those things without the certainty I will ever get there.

 

[RecedingMoonlight]

This is an interesting subject because for a long while my sufferer had the "everything happens for a reason" mindset, which to me was always baffling considering the shit she had to go through. Even in situations of trauma she told herself things happened for a reason.

When she was officially diagnosed with PTSD, though, I never heard that saying from her again. I am wondering if some individuals use it to try and cope. I can only imagine that if you're lost and angry at an abuser and the question of "Why would they do that?" keeps coming to mind, I suppose "Everything happens for a reason" initially sounds better than "This person was consciously and actively malicious and there was no reason that happened to you other than they chose to."

I guess some people find comfort in thinking that their pain and trials lead to something greater or better in the end? Personally I think that anyone suffering any kind of avoidable abuse and pain should never be "okay" at the fact that they were hurt, but it varies from person to person I guess.

 

[The Albatross]

The flip side of those who don't suffer adversity til "later" is that they have no frame of reference... we have that. It hits them and theirs hard... as usually adults rather than as children for those of us with childhood abuse but yeah that's not sayin much.

My maternal grandmother lost three "best friends" in three weeks and became suicidal... for instance. Though she had been free from trauma ever sense my grandfather blew his head off with a shotgun in the phone booth when he was begging her to take him back after beating her up when she was pregnant with my mother.

I knew enough to know that appearances can be deceiving and that no matter how things look on the "outside" it doesn't hold much weight for the suffering of others to one degree or the next. Comparisons really don't friggin' matter... much like "degrees" or how bad people's PTSD is here.

 

[The Albatross]

@RecedingMoonlight damn it sorry, lost my post.

 

[Sideways]

One of my sisters, crazy positive. It defies logic, and she's always been like that. To be fair on her, a lot of it comes down to attitude. Things that would get others down, she accentuates the positive in the way she sees it. It's not that bad stuff doesn't happen to her (although I don't think she's had experiences quite like mine, certainly not in her formative years), but she dwells on the positive where others can't, and moves on quickly from bad shite that she has no control over.

Personally, coming to terms with "there was no reason" has been a big part of my recovery. The pointlessness, and destructiveness of what happened to me, "just because" is still a concept that I struggle with. I can't always see the positive the way my sister does, but sometimes, the idea that there was no purpose, no meaning, no greater good to my abuse? That's really depressing.