Want To Be Dead

[Ellie]

Tonight tonight for the first time I've allowed myself the though that u want to be dead.

My PTSD is so bad lately and I'm so severely affected that my life is a living hell. I just don't want this anymore. Thus life is too hard for me. I don't want to die but I don't want to keep living at this level of suffering.

How to keep going.

 

[Justmehere]

:hug: Ellie

 

[Enaila]

Call your therapist if you have one and let him/her know. Unfortunately I am way too far away to offer a real hug and shoulder. I would if I could though. ((hugs))

 

[void]

Tonight tonight for the first time I've allowed myself the though that u want to be dead.

My PTSD is so...

I've lived it, dear @Ellie .:hug:

As you say, what you want is NOT death.
You want to stop suffering........ not to stop living.


It can seem as if life is ONLY pain, nothing good...only pain.
I have been in that Hell many times.

What support do you have?:hug:

 

[Eagle3]

I live every day wanting to die. Seriously, I have a death wish the size of Texas; its gotten in the way of martial arts training because half the time I WON'T MOVE during weapon defense. My therapist knows I have this death wish, that I will be absolutely thrilled when I stop living, but I refuse to do anything to force the issue. I won't actively try to stop living. So far, everyone's ok with this arrangement, including me. But sometimes its hard to want to live when you want to die so badly. I feel where you are coming from. The only trick that keeps me going is knowing that once I'm dead, nothing can be fixed here. I'm going to experience life, in its full range of experiences, for as long as I can to try to FIX what life has done to me so far. Its not an easy road but after all we've been through, finding happiness in life, no matter how small, can be very healing. Good luck on your journey, know we are all here right beside you, holding you up during the low times and rejoicing with you during the triumphs.

 

[Ellie]

Thank you everyone xxx

 

[EveHarrington]

:hug: