So me and my doctor have tried medication before. It hasn't worked. He just gave up on me, I did too. I'd like to try medication again. I think I'll send him an email to really emphasize how much this PTSD is controlling my life right now (like not being able to leave the house even for fear of having another flashback- I've had a flashback every time I've been out of the house for the past week and a half).
But we tried a lot. We've tried:
Xanax- Doesn't do squat for the flashbacks for me. I picked up more today anyway (He just leaves a script at the school pharmacy for me in case I need it). I figured it'd at least help with the anxiety about leaving the house for right now. It does help a bit with that. However, it just makes me want to sleep. It doesn't matter if I even am on the lowest doseage and take only a quarter of a pill, it still makes me way out of it. But I guess it does help with the sleep. My doctor won't give me normal sleeping pills any more, he just tells me to double up on the xanax before bed. The last sleeping pill we tried was Ambien. It made me hallucinate and do things I would normally NEVER do. I once woke up and had things like several garden gnomes and a whole lot of other stuff from Walmart in my room. I'm talking piles and piles of stuff. Apparently I had taken the Ambien and went to Walmart. I checked my wallet, I still had all my cash with me. I checked my bank statements. I didn't use a credit card or check either. I don't remember even leaving the house though. So I have no idea how the heck I got all that stuff. The hallucinations were bad. Once they set in, I wouldn't sleep because my bed was alive and I thought it was going to eat me. I was quite entertaining to my roommates though. We had blue carpet. Apparently I kept trying to swim in it. But then I tried to climb up on the bookcase, and dove head-first into the "ocean" that was the floor. I also jumped off the balcony of our second story apartment because everyone else around me was flying, and I thought I could fly too. When my roommates filled me in on the details, I flushed all my ambien down the toilet, saw my doc (brought all my roommates to explain it, since I wouldn't have been able to answer any questions about specifically what happened that night or what I said), and we decided that maybe sleeping pills just weren't for me.
SSRI's- antidepressants don't really agree with me at all. We completely gave up on these, especially as my doctor said if I'm having adverse reactions to them, there's no point in trying to continue to try more, especially since neither he nor myself nor anyone that knows me would consider me depressed. Prozac made me have EXTREME dissociation. I never understood dissociation or out of body type of experiences until I tried this stuff. Paxil made me start gaining weight even though I wasn't eating anything, which isn't mentally healthy for someone with an ED. That wasn't the worst part though. The drug made me flat out suicidal. Not even because of the weight gain. I just became really depressed. That was the only time I've ever felt that bad. I'll have to go back and check on what other antidepressants I've tried. I know I've had ones that made me so jittery I wanted to jump out the window for no good reason. I had ones that made me extemely impulsive and manic. Effexor had me puking my guts out every day and my potassium levels got really low. I staid on that for a month to see if that side effect would just go away, but it didn't.
I think that's everything that I've tried so far. I'm getting pretty despret here. I'm afraid if I ask my doctor to try medications again, he'll say until I have more ideas for him, he can't help. It's so hard, and I NEED to be able to function with taking summer school and working this summer.
But we tried a lot. We've tried:
Xanax- Doesn't do squat for the flashbacks for me. I picked up more today anyway (He just leaves a script at the school pharmacy for me in case I need it). I figured it'd at least help with the anxiety about leaving the house for right now. It does help a bit with that. However, it just makes me want to sleep. It doesn't matter if I even am on the lowest doseage and take only a quarter of a pill, it still makes me way out of it. But I guess it does help with the sleep. My doctor won't give me normal sleeping pills any more, he just tells me to double up on the xanax before bed. The last sleeping pill we tried was Ambien. It made me hallucinate and do things I would normally NEVER do. I once woke up and had things like several garden gnomes and a whole lot of other stuff from Walmart in my room. I'm talking piles and piles of stuff. Apparently I had taken the Ambien and went to Walmart. I checked my wallet, I still had all my cash with me. I checked my bank statements. I didn't use a credit card or check either. I don't remember even leaving the house though. So I have no idea how the heck I got all that stuff. The hallucinations were bad. Once they set in, I wouldn't sleep because my bed was alive and I thought it was going to eat me. I was quite entertaining to my roommates though. We had blue carpet. Apparently I kept trying to swim in it. But then I tried to climb up on the bookcase, and dove head-first into the "ocean" that was the floor. I also jumped off the balcony of our second story apartment because everyone else around me was flying, and I thought I could fly too. When my roommates filled me in on the details, I flushed all my ambien down the toilet, saw my doc (brought all my roommates to explain it, since I wouldn't have been able to answer any questions about specifically what happened that night or what I said), and we decided that maybe sleeping pills just weren't for me.
SSRI's- antidepressants don't really agree with me at all. We completely gave up on these, especially as my doctor said if I'm having adverse reactions to them, there's no point in trying to continue to try more, especially since neither he nor myself nor anyone that knows me would consider me depressed. Prozac made me have EXTREME dissociation. I never understood dissociation or out of body type of experiences until I tried this stuff. Paxil made me start gaining weight even though I wasn't eating anything, which isn't mentally healthy for someone with an ED. That wasn't the worst part though. The drug made me flat out suicidal. Not even because of the weight gain. I just became really depressed. That was the only time I've ever felt that bad. I'll have to go back and check on what other antidepressants I've tried. I know I've had ones that made me so jittery I wanted to jump out the window for no good reason. I had ones that made me extemely impulsive and manic. Effexor had me puking my guts out every day and my potassium levels got really low. I staid on that for a month to see if that side effect would just go away, but it didn't.
I think that's everything that I've tried so far. I'm getting pretty despret here. I'm afraid if I ask my doctor to try medications again, he'll say until I have more ideas for him, he can't help. It's so hard, and I NEED to be able to function with taking summer school and working this summer.
