Want To Tell My Therapist, But Don't Think I Will Be Able To Manage It

[Moses]

I have been having therapy for a few weeks now. I was originally being treated for depression, but after a few sessions (and me dissociating during one of them), my Therapist gave me the diagnosis of PTSD.

We were working on a childhood rape from when I was 11 by a total stranger. It was during our last session that I dissociated.

My therapist has now gone on holiday and I will not see her again until June 13th. Since our last session, I feel that the lid has come off, and I have been having several flashbacks which go back to a time when I was about 3 or 4. They involve my mother abusing me and I just cannot get my head around it, but it all seems to make sense.

I am absolutely horrified by what my flashBacks contain, and, although I know we are not supposed to be ashamed of the abuse doled out to us, I just cannot help it. I feel that I am hanging onto my sanity by my fingertips.

I don't think I can bring myself to even verbalise what my flashbacks contain.

Can anyone help me with some ideas of how to get my Therapist to understand without having to verbalise it all?

 

[VDWngr1355]

Can you write it down and hand it or email it to your therapist?

Writing it down also might help managing the symptoms as well. I have found I'll write about it, need to sleep for a good day or two, but then after that all the symptoms are not as prevalent for a little while and are more manageable.

 

[PepperAnne]

Journalling is something that helps me as well too. Which reminds me, I have some writing to do.

Good Luck.

 

[squirtsmom]

another suggestion is doing collages and put what you feel into them through pictures from magazines. Drawing what you are seeing along with writing might be of help too. I do all three and it does help get the flashbacks out to the forefront through different avenues or media.Maybe this could help.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I agree, writing them down and handing them to your therapist to read, and then talk about it. Writing things down gets them in order and they are clear. You are in control of what you want to share in the writings.

It is important to share these things with your therapist so they lose their power over you. It is a good way to shrink it down to size. I am sorry the feelings are crippling you. I wish you the best.

 

[Deleted member 14359]

I had/have the same problem so, you are not alone.

After about 6 sessions with my counsellor/therapist and still not saying a word about what happened to me...raped and beaten close to death she gave me strategy to cope and get it all out, well at least the bulk part (I still need to do the feelings...ouch!).

The strategy:

The physical, mental and psychology abuse I endured from my parents put me in the position that got me raped etc, but I never told my parents. So my counsellor asked me to write them a letter (that I would not give them). It worked. I was able, after several hours of tears, to write the letter and addess stuff I never thought I would. I read my letter last week. It has given me a fresh view of things and examine my own behaviour,life and future.

 

[JenIndigo]

I understand. I was diagnosed with PTSD and Anorexia. My treatment team worked on the Anorexia first before they would agree for me to do any kind of trauma work.

I have been with my therapist for over two years and have just now started doing prolonged exposure therapy. I have completed 2 90-minute sessions and I am engulfed with shame.

Finding a therapist who specializes in trauma has been so tremendously helpful. Is she trained in exposure therapy, and if so, is she going to try this method to help you heal?