General Wanting Some Input Please

[jstro4real]

sounds like several people are in a smiliar situation, but just wanted to get some input. i started dating a man about 8 months who i care for TREMENDOUSLY who suffers from PTSD/ADHD and depression. he is active and intelligent and he's always making me laugh. i know he goes through so much every single day of his life dealing with the demons that haunt him from his childhood. i don't think he's had a good night's sleep since he was a kid. he's now going to medical school and is stressed to the max with that...he recognizes his condition and says he has a lot to deal with now...school and everything from his past that he's trying to come to grips with. he is taking medication, we exercise together a ton and he just made his first appointment with a psychiatrist. I'M SO GLAD FOR HIM but i'm also scared [selfishly enough] that thru his healing process he's going to have to ditch "us." he says he doesn't want that. i certainly don't want that.
i don't press him for any information regarding his past. he reveals bits and pieces here and there but i never pry. he's touched my life in a way that no one ever has and i adore him. i want to support him through his healing process and let him know that i'm there for him. i will not pry or interrogate...just try to show support. it's hard to stand by when he's so stressed and frustrated with school and his past. i like to think of my future with him. he knows i care but not HOW MUCH b/c i don't want to scare him away. does anyone have any advice on what i should do? am i doing what's best for the situation? sometimes i feel like i'm doing the right thing..sometimes i just can't tell. do i just stand by and offer love and support? does HEARING that someone loves you help if you are the sufferer?? or it better to show thru actions and granting space [we have an agreement on that...he tells me if he's just having a bad day and that's the key phrase...i know what it's in reference to and i don't ask any questoins....just let him be until he's ready...]when needed? all i hope is that one day he can get a good night's sleep, wake up with a smile on his face [at least once in a while] and be able to rest his beautiful mind and just breathe....sounds like a celine dion song, but that's what i pray for him---any advice is appreciated :)

 

[Nicolette]

Welcome to the forum jstro4real.

I have moved your post and started a new thread as it seemed like your questions deserved their own attention rather than being an addition to another thread. :smile:

I look forward to reading more of your posts in the future.

 

[sisu]

jstro4real,
I just got out of an 8 month relationship with a ptsd sufferer a few months ago. Our relationship was a beautiful thing until he had a trigger change his outlook. Instead of communicating what he was feeling or not feeling, he just shut down. He believed that he was not worthy of anything good in his life and began to self sabbotage his life.

So with that said, I think as long as you are able to keep commication going and you both are honest with each other it can work. It won't be easy. For you as a person w/o ptsd you have to realize that the ptsd sufferers view of the world and how they percieve it is vastly different than you. He has to be able to communicate and make you understand his viewpoint. In turn, you have to accept that viewpoint and support him. Honesty and communication are the keys.

Good luck to you! Take care. Sisu

 

[Cowgirl]

None of us has any control over the outcome of anything. That is scary. It is real. That is true of any aspect in life, but it is especially true in dealing with another person, PTSD or not.

If you can accept that, and then deal with each moment with him as you confront it, in the here and now, you will probably do much better than if you worry about a future with him. Put those wedding bells you seem to be hearing aside for the time, especially since he doesn't know that you're hearing them. Enjoy your time together. If it gets less than enjoyable, set appropriate boundaries with him, not only for your emotional protection, but to protect your relationship with him.

Realize that in therapy, things sometimes get worse before they get better. Old buried things get dug up and examined sometimes, and there are consequences to that. That is why therapy is work.

Those around the person in therapy will sometimes have to deal with its fallout. Keep in mind that YOU are not at fault, YOU are not to blame.

If you need to vent, this is a good place.

Good luck,

Cowgirl