Warning Signs Of Suicide

[Mercy]

Dear heart, I know what it is to feel like you are poison. I once believed that hell was just below my skin. I never became a cutter because I was afraid to let hell out.

You are also not alone in feeling this way. I hear your suffering and the pain in your words. Someone or some people have taught you that you are poison. What ever the circumstances, it is wrong that you were ever hurt, called names, neglected or hurt in any way. The feeling of being poisonous did not start with you. No child comes into the world as poison.

I hope we can help you get through this. You might like to try writing what you want to get outside of you in a diary.There are several types on this site. I invite you to look around and see what fits for you.

Meanwhile, please keep writing.

 

[Tinyflame]

I can relate also, have often felt like a time bomb, that others should evacuate. Mercy is right, self-rejection is a terrible way to have to live. Not something people understand unless you've been through it. I don't believe you deserve that, I don't believe you are 'bad'. Your fears feel real but you are not poisonous and it is not your fault.

Welcome to you, Hugs to you and to you Mercy, also.

 

[KatB]

Unfortunately, I recognize the side-effects of suicide. A cousin of mine recemtly passed away a couple of months ago due to suicide( gun-shot to the head) and my younger cousin has been suicidal also, has done it before.

I can not imagine what it feels like to do that, but that's what keeps me from wanting to harm myself: the pain of the hurt and the views of my family and beliefs. It's always been a sin to kill yourself, but I also believe that the thought of the pain would just be unbearable. I have sucidial ideations and it's become stronger this year, since I learned about my diagnosis of c-ptsd. It became full-blown this year but the last trauma I had, left me reeling and screaming at the tops of my lungs; I wanted to die right then and there. I thought it was better for my brother to have kiilled me there than to still have it stuck in my brain like a bad tape recorder.:(

It makes me ashamed to have these thoughts just because I know the religious beliefs I have and how others would view my state of mind. But, I have a hard time accepting that and the situations I've lived through.

Mercy, you are not alone, dear.:hug:

 

[Violet03]

I have said all the things on the list except "they'll miss me when I'm gone". I know they would be better off without me. I have also felt all the the things on the feel list except "get someone's attention". I don't want anyone's attention. I want to be invisible.

 

[endlessocean]

Hi Violet,
I am sorry you are feeling so bad. I have felt that way many , many times. I feel better than I did a few weeks ago, as I started a medication for bipolar disorder. I also started therapy. I am not sure if those are tools you are using, or if you are willing to use, but I found them useful. Sometimes life feels so grim, but it really is only a feeling. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Please message me if you like, I check in often, and love to connect with different people.

 

[KatB]

I would add, if not already said, that chronic insomnia adds an extreme effect on the body and mind. I was thinking of killing mself because I thought I reached my end game with my insomnia. Today, my aunt made me a tea, which helped but I also shaved, got cleaned up and dressed up. Also, music helped me.

This is a bad season for me. I know it will only get worse before it gets better.

 

[kk406]

I have said all the things on the list except "they'll miss me when I'm gone". I know they would be better off without me. I have also felt all the the things on the feel list except "get someone's attention". I don't want anyone's attention. I want to be invisible.

This is how I feel completely.... I have a sister that threatens suicide a lot and she uses the "They'll miss me when I'm gone", but with her she does it as a way to get attention drawn to her.

When I'm so close to over the edge, I'm alone, none of my family has a clue of the thoughts that are running in my head, and if there are people nearby, I know this sounds stupid but I sit in a dark quiet spot as still as possible, hoping that if I don't move no one will see me...

 

[Tinyflame]

I avoid. I have a hard time believing the 'global' counter-arguments, I guess. It seems like a great deal of work and future-painfulness to stay alive for very little importance, therefore obviously tempting not to.

 

[Violet03]

Kipra, I'm sorry you experience those feelings. I feel bad because I know how overwhelming, heavy, painful, and dark they are. I would make them all go away if I could but it's not that easy. What makes them worse is being around people who do not understand or deny us our feelings. ((((((Hugs to all who need them))))))

 

[pumpkinpie]

There is only one fear. We like to think that there are innumerable ones, and we give them all kinds of neat names ending with -phobia, etc. But ultimately, all fears are just extensions of the One Fear: abandonment.

I popped in on this here, and at the risk of being told to grow up, I'm going to say that my fear of spiders has nothing to do with a fear of abandonment. In fact, I WANT them to abandon me. I would pay them big money! ;) I'm being silly of course. This is some really interesting reading here, thanks.

 

[Mercy]

It seems like a great deal of work and future-painfulness to stay alive for very little importance, therefore obviously tempting not to.

Dearest Junebug,

I understand so well the assumption you are making that pain without relief can make us want to just put our lives done and be done with it. Please don't let temptation deceive you. Anti-life thoughts do not come from God.

Your participation here and around the forum sharing your goodness makes a huge difference to so many of us. If we need a comforting word, you are there. If we need our beliefs in the old lies need to be challenged, you are there. If we are upset and need calming, you are there. Is we need an affirmation, you are there. Please do not underestimate your great great value here for so many people. Ironically, your kind and loving ways prevent many of us from taking the final move.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO{{{{Hugs and soft breezes}}}}XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

 

[pumpkinpie]

I haven't seen it mentioned here yet - that a sudden, inexplicable change in mood for the better, in a seriously depressed person, is a very serious warning sign.

It doesn't seem to make any sense! It's what you have been hoping for, for that person, and to see it brings such relief. But it's the most dangerous sign, because at the very critical time immediately before a suicide attempt - their behavior makes the people around them let down their guard, and it becomes easier to accomplish.

In 1988, this is exactly what happened with my mother. Before that, there was another warning sign. I guess you could call it "justifiying others' suicides," or identifying with them, anyway.

It was at least a month before her attempt, that a disgraced politician, during a live televised event while speaking at the podium, took out a gun, put it in his mouth and ended his life with one shot, in front of millions of viewers.

I was horrified, and so glad that I had not seen it. The newschannel had the poor taste (and greed for ratings) to show it several times after, with these awful warnings for "sensitive viewers" that were nothing but announcements for bloodthirsty viewers wanting to see more. It was disgusting. And my mother had said that she didn't blame the guy or think it wrong to do it in front of millions, on TV. I remember being so surprised and upset with her for saying that, but even though I knew she was terribly depressed, I didn't make the connection there.

I had been begging her to get help, but she wouldn't. The morning eventually came when her mood improved remarkably, and I just thought she was doing better. If some strange sneezing fit had not brought me home 8 hours early, she would have died.

What an awful thing, to have to worry about somebody just because they are happier.

Because of what happened and what it did to me, I will never attempt suicide. I would never want my own kids to suffer the way I have. And still do.