Sexual Assault Was i raped?

[EveHarrington]

This is exhausting.

Where did I specifically say you were or were not raped?

I commented on one part and you ran away with it and filled in your own blanks.

I commented on one part because that is how I interpreted what you said.

I wasn't making a definitive statement one way or the other. I was just referring to how one part could be interpreted.

 

[EveHarrington]

This website is not a safe place.

I am not a moderator but I do know that admins have said ad nauseam that this website is not to be thought of as a safe place given how no place on the Internet is safe.

I can concur with them based on what I have seen here. I remember how once a predator signed up here. It's pretty gross to think about how sites like this are trolled so that someone can get off sexually to stories of abuse, but it happens.

If you didn't want to be told that you were raped, then why did you react so strongly when you ASSUMED I was saying you were not raped?

 

[EveHarrington]

Do you have PTSD?

 

[Sideways]

For someone on a website dedicated to emotionally fragile situations,

The website is dedicated to people who are suffering from (or are supporting someone with) PTSD.

The link from the site's Administrator above may be more helpful and offer avenues of more targeted information and advice.

 

[joeylittle]

For someone on a website dedicated to emotionally fragile situations, you're not being very careful with your words.

We aren't dedicated to emotionally fragile situations. We are a peer support group for people living with PTSD/CPTSD.

I suggest you read the sticky I linked you to at the top of the thread.

Also, our community constitution

We do not delete threads just because they don't return the results the poster was looking for.

Im putting you on a 3-day ban. If you decide to come back, please get more acquainted with the site policies before attacking members.

 

[PointlessExistence]

I think there are various gray areas as far as what is rape and what's not. If you come back and read this I'd say that it doesn't matter what you call it. I felt bad for you while I read it, and I felt you were certainly violated. It is what it is, and it's bad whether it's called rape or not.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

he didn't wear a condom even though my terms of consent were to have a condom on

I never knew there are "terms of consent". Consent is yes or no or any varions between. If my partner didn't have a condom, and that was my needed thing to then have sex with him I would say no then (consent or not then) or if I saw he was without said condom I would move and then say no then (area of consent or not). I can see where a guy could forget before having intercourse and in that case, I don't see it right for someone to say "that means I was not consenting" and scream rape. That is in no way rape.

At this point, I put my hand on his chest and nudge him, and I explicitly and clearly say the words "NO. NO. STOP."

This could be taken as "no, no, stop filiming". If he dropped the camera then he should of stopped but being that tone of voice plays a part as does body language and then this

"Whatever, just finish."

Tells me you were pissed off about the filming (since you didn't know about the condom yet) and so I struggle with calling this rape even though you said no and pushed him away. He did stop, thrusting. You said stop and so he did. Likely to reasses the situation and figure out if you wanted him to fully stop and pull out or were you just pissed and could he continue anyway.

I personally would not call this rape. It is just my own peraonal call on this one.

Based on your replies, I would also come to the conclusion that you want to be told you were raped, which I personally do not see.

Also, have you been diagnosed with PTSD?

 

[anonymous]

at this point I was scared

You let him finish because you were scared. It was rape.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

You let him finish because you were scared.

Scared of what though? Of him or of the video or of getting said STD (which she didn't know about the condom yet). Scared of what? That does matter. In my opinion.

I disagree though. She let him finish to get it over with cause she was pissed. That is how it reads to me. Being pissed doesn't constitute rape. And not using a condom doesn't either. In my opinion. Plus, she could have moved or tried to move. That isn't in there. Did she move or try to or was she pinned down? And that is NOT victim blaming. That is finding out the details so that an informed answer could be given. If she sat there with her ass in the air and said "just get it over with" is gravely different then "I was pinned down on my stomach and could not move even if I tried".

I see it as regretable sex but I do not see it as rape. Sometimes that line is a fine one but my personal opinion, based on the facts given, that it was not rape.

 

[whatever]

I don't understand what y'all are doing he didn't just forget to wear a condom or forget that she was no ok with getting filmed during sex & also had a upsetting experience having that happen to her. he didn't just forget all these things that is a wild assumption. wild! no one wants to be raped wth. you're suggesting someone didn't get raped and just wants to be told they were literally for what!? he did not have consent to film her and that could get him convicted as a sex offender because filming a partner during sex without consent is a crime. I don't believe in people telling other people whether they got raped because she's the one that knows and gets to decide for herself. and I've had people call things that have happened to me rape when I don't want to recognize the event as rape and it was harmful to me (I guess especially because I have been raped before, and I understand she is literally asking which is a dangerous road IMO). But I will say it's black and white to me that he did not have consent to have sex with her without a condom and he did not forget that unless he has a medical condition that would cause him to forget that, it's a big deal! It doesn't matter if he forgot he wasn't allowed to tape anyways because he didn't ask for consent to, which he absolutely had to! Also I don't buy for a second that he randomly forgot to wear a condom and doing that without consent is a violation that could traumatize someone, and men have been convicted of rape for removing condoms during sex without consent and she had explicitly named that as a term for consent! If she wants to call it rape she has more than enough reasons to IMO, also if she doesn't that's fine too, but y'all are acting WILD making calls based off of the possibility the guy has a memory so weak he forgot something like that. What he did was literally illegal like he broke more than one law. PFT

also I think it's important for y'all to recognize for future reference that someone can get raped without the person who raped them to be a bad guy rapist. for example if two people are super drunk, too drunk to consent. someone can feel they've been raped and they have been and it can be super traumatizing because but the other person could be in the same position. or someone could freeze and dissociate or be too scared or for whatever number of reasons not be able to say no and have sex they didn't want to be having and be super traumatized from the experience and that doesn't make the other person evil but it might make them a rapist if they didn't get consent. that's why it's always important to get explicit consent people! every single time (especially if the person you're having sex with has PTSD or a mental illness that causes dissociation or make them likely to freeze up) unless you have explicit consent to not ask every time, for example I have given my partner explicit consent that he can initiate sex with me when I'm sleeping and also when I'm too drunk to consent, because I am fine with it from him but if anyone else does those things it's easily rape duh. y'all should really read up on consent before you hurt someone holy s I'm seriously concerned reading this, like and she's banned? no one is concerned about her well being? am I gonna be banned too?

 

[liz81934]

Im so sorry for what happened, he should have respected your terms of consent and level of comfort with the situation especially considering he has HPV. The fact that you were still sleeping essnetially i concerning especially since he was filming this and you told him it crossed a personal boundary. I would address the situation with him since that is not okay that he did not respect your conditions and personal beliefs. Hope all goes well, stay strong and I would call him out on not listening to "no" and "stop".

 

[Deleted member 35429]

First I would like to say I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm sure a good counselor can help you sort this out best.
I am not commenting on your situation specifically here, this is just a general comment. When people ask "was I raped" I like to turn the question around and ask if they think the person that did the act deserves the label of rapist? There are so many violating, undignified, even slightly degrading or regretful sexual experiences in a young adult's life and although they feel very "rapey" it's not always rape. I find it hard to hear so many people being called rapists when really they are insensistive, young and clueless, and/or momentarily somewhat opportunistic. "Rapist" is a category unto itself.