DavidMitchell
New Here
My (now ex) girlfriend has diagnosed complex PTSD. A lot of this is tied to abuse she witnessed (but wasn't subject to) when she was younger. The condition was exasperated by being cheated on in a 10-year relationship. I was her first proper relationship after this.
There are aspects of her personality that I knew were tied to her PTSD, although they may also have been made worse by her (also diagnosed) ADHD i.e. if something went seriously wrong or 'looked' like cheating, she would go into a sort-of rage, breaking various items in the home.
She regularly accused me of 'cheating', but that was because I had mostly female friends, and I sometimes forgot to tell her when they spoke to me, so she just assumed I was 'hiding' stuff. I wasn't. I just never really felt a need to say "hey, my friend said Hi to me today"
Anyway, let's zip forward to the end of March. Her mum owned the apartment she lived in. Sadly, her mum didn't pay the energy bills, and the electricity was cut permanently off (my ex was paying her mum, but the electricity never got paid). At the same time, her mum said she was giving up the apartment as she hadn't lived there in 2-years, and my ex had 2-months to move out. If this wasn't enough, my girlfriend's entire income got cut off at the start of April, which meant I had to work double hours to ensure she could eat and pay her other bills. I did.
The thing is that this whole situation is EXACTLY like when she got cheated on. She was thrown out on the streets, and she had to build her life up again. She is even going to have to stay in the same place she used to live in (i.e. a halfway house sort-of thing)
On the last day I was with her, she sort of hit rock bottom and disappeared for hours. It was revealed she ended up drinking and some new co-worker asked to go play games with him. She couldn't understand why I was mad she disappeared in the middle of the night without telling me where she was going, and her phone was turned off.
The last day, she said she loved me a LOT, but this would be a testing month and she would try and push me away, but she never wanted to lose me at all. She said I should go home to give her time to process everything related to her current situation and I should come back in a week.
2-weeks later, she broke up with me via text message (I had been with her for a year), and she said that I was the one that caused the situation, and she started to churn off a ton of reasons about how I 'cheated' (I didn't). She said she still cares, but she fell out of love with me. She said I didn't provide the right support in the previous month (I supported her financially, and this meant I wasn't around a lot as I actually had to work double hours)
I do not know if her complex PTSD caused her to shut down emotionally as a sort of protectionist thing? She said it would happen. Hell, it has happened before and she tried to get me out of her life, but then decided she loved me too much for this to happen. Sadly, I do not know enough about complex PTSD to have any sort of idea as to whether she is shutting herself off emotionally from the world, and that is why she says she doesn't love me or, if she genuinely no longer loves me.
She has talked a little since she broke up with me, but just to borrow money.
Tomorrow, I collect my stuff and meet her for the very last time. I will be there for a few hours. I know I am unlikely to be able to repair this relationship. Not now. However, I do want her to know I will always be there and care for her, no matter what happens. How do I provide her with the support that she needs to try and get through this period of time? She doesn't really have any friends or family now, and I want to support her the best I can. After all, I still love this woman more than anything. I know she needs help, but I simply do not know how to give it to her.
There are aspects of her personality that I knew were tied to her PTSD, although they may also have been made worse by her (also diagnosed) ADHD i.e. if something went seriously wrong or 'looked' like cheating, she would go into a sort-of rage, breaking various items in the home.
She regularly accused me of 'cheating', but that was because I had mostly female friends, and I sometimes forgot to tell her when they spoke to me, so she just assumed I was 'hiding' stuff. I wasn't. I just never really felt a need to say "hey, my friend said Hi to me today"
Anyway, let's zip forward to the end of March. Her mum owned the apartment she lived in. Sadly, her mum didn't pay the energy bills, and the electricity was cut permanently off (my ex was paying her mum, but the electricity never got paid). At the same time, her mum said she was giving up the apartment as she hadn't lived there in 2-years, and my ex had 2-months to move out. If this wasn't enough, my girlfriend's entire income got cut off at the start of April, which meant I had to work double hours to ensure she could eat and pay her other bills. I did.
The thing is that this whole situation is EXACTLY like when she got cheated on. She was thrown out on the streets, and she had to build her life up again. She is even going to have to stay in the same place she used to live in (i.e. a halfway house sort-of thing)
On the last day I was with her, she sort of hit rock bottom and disappeared for hours. It was revealed she ended up drinking and some new co-worker asked to go play games with him. She couldn't understand why I was mad she disappeared in the middle of the night without telling me where she was going, and her phone was turned off.
The last day, she said she loved me a LOT, but this would be a testing month and she would try and push me away, but she never wanted to lose me at all. She said I should go home to give her time to process everything related to her current situation and I should come back in a week.
2-weeks later, she broke up with me via text message (I had been with her for a year), and she said that I was the one that caused the situation, and she started to churn off a ton of reasons about how I 'cheated' (I didn't). She said she still cares, but she fell out of love with me. She said I didn't provide the right support in the previous month (I supported her financially, and this meant I wasn't around a lot as I actually had to work double hours)
I do not know if her complex PTSD caused her to shut down emotionally as a sort of protectionist thing? She said it would happen. Hell, it has happened before and she tried to get me out of her life, but then decided she loved me too much for this to happen. Sadly, I do not know enough about complex PTSD to have any sort of idea as to whether she is shutting herself off emotionally from the world, and that is why she says she doesn't love me or, if she genuinely no longer loves me.
She has talked a little since she broke up with me, but just to borrow money.
Tomorrow, I collect my stuff and meet her for the very last time. I will be there for a few hours. I know I am unlikely to be able to repair this relationship. Not now. However, I do want her to know I will always be there and care for her, no matter what happens. How do I provide her with the support that she needs to try and get through this period of time? She doesn't really have any friends or family now, and I want to support her the best I can. After all, I still love this woman more than anything. I know she needs help, but I simply do not know how to give it to her.