I had already hooked up with him earlier this week. He asked me to meet him at his house to hang out. He bought me a drink earlier so I told him I'd hang with him. When I got there he was really nice, like super normal. (Full disclosure, I was high at the time, on coke and weed that he gave me). Then he started touching me and trying to start something and I told him I was too tired and not really in the mood at this particular time. And so he said he needed to finish before he went to sleep and would maybe text another girl to hook up with, which I thought was an odd thing to say but I just dismissed it. We were just watching tv then about 30 mins later and he's feeling me up again and asking if I liked rough sex saying I probably couldn't handle him at his roughest. I remember saying I wouldn't be ok with being tied up because of past experiences. And I told him I was too tired again and tried to just blow him off. This is where it gets blurry. The next thing I remember is him pinning me down and pulling my hair. He tied me up with his belt anyway, I think because he knew it would terrify me. He was on top of me forcing me to give him oral. And I kept trying to pull away but he'd pull my hair so hard I would scream. He bit my ear so hard it started bleeding whenever I tried to keep him from putting himself inside me. I remember saying ow that hurts and stop at some point when he really started hurting me. Eventually I got too loud for his comfort so he turned me over and shoved my face in the pillow so hard that I split my lip on my teeth and felt like my skull was going to crack. Every time I resisted or said no he'd just get rougher. So then I just laid there and wanted to die because everything hurt and I couldn't believe it was happening again. My wrists are bruised from him pinning me down. I remember him whispering in my ear that I couldn't even deny I liked it because I was wet.
I'm struggling with this for a lot of reasons. Self-blame, because I knew him and had already had sex with him. I'm also feeling a lot of guilt. I just think it would help to hear what other people think. I knew it was risky. I knew he wasn't the best person to be around. I had already told him I liked rough sex (minus being tied up). Was it my fault?
I'm struggling with this for a lot of reasons. Self-blame, because I knew him and had already had sex with him. I'm also feeling a lot of guilt. I just think it would help to hear what other people think. I knew it was risky. I knew he wasn't the best person to be around. I had already told him I liked rough sex (minus being tied up). Was it my fault?
