Childhood Was Just Told I Was Molested.....

[Ldm0899]

Me and one of my sisters (I have 4)still live close to our parents and we have been dealing with A LOT of drama with them. anyhow to the bad part....5 days ago my sister finally snapped and told me what my father did to her from age 10-21. And also told me that when I was 4 or 5 I told our mother that "he touched me down there."
Now before anyone says she could be lying, let me give you a little more background on myself. I have MAYBE 20 memories of my life before I turned 14 and became sexually active. I've discussed my memory regression with my fiance for years, and have been torn on if I should go to therapy and try and find out or not. The weirdest part of my memories, which I've talked to 3 of my sister's about what I should have memories of and of the two of numerous ones I remembered they were mostly correct except odd details. anyhow back to the weird part, ALL of my memories are in third person. There is no audio no movement, it's like I'm having an out of body experience and viewing a snapshot of the memory from afar, I even see myself. Only one has an emotional trigger of fear. But I have no memories of the abuse. Neither of my parents showed us kids or each other love. We never said we loved each other no hugs. I'm having a seriously hard time knowing now that yes something happened even though I suspected it for years, like I said above I only found out 5 days ago, and have slept maybe 15 hours since. I'm terrified to be alone in fear of I'm going to have a flashback. I do want to know I really do but not yet, I'm not mentally ready at this point. I'm going to start therapy this week. I'm also having a seriously hard time knowing my mother knew and didn't so a thing about it but ask my older sisters if he did it to them. I've told my fiancé and he is trying to be as supportive as he can be but he is just as new to this as I am. I've looked into repressed childhood memories from trauma for years and a lot of what I do and how I act connect with abuse. But I'm also trying to approach this with an open mind and possible hope it isn't as bad as what my sister went through. Any advice would be helpful. Also if anyone else can not remember their abuse either I would love to hear your story, cause honestly is so hard feeling alone.

 

[Casey_03]

I can only remember that there was abuse, bits and pieces, but I have no idea who it was. I know it wasn't either of my parents. I remembered in my early 20s and now, at 31, I still have no clearer idea of who it was and I haven't remembered anything new. But if I were in your situation and it was possibly a parent, I think I'd want to know. Though you are right to not want to dive right in -- I don't think you'd gain anything by putting all of your energy into remembering. It would probably just throw you off track and make your life a living hell. Are you younger or older than the sister who told you your dad did that till she was 21? I have heard of cases where, when the older sibling moves out, the abuser shifts his/her focus to the child/children left behind. But at the same time, you are right to be skeptical and I don't think you should immediately assume he did something to you ... you should definitely go to therapy, if not to try to recover memories, at least to try and get all these thoughts sorted. It sounds like they're really toying with you right now and I'm sure it would be helpful to talk it all out with someone who has experience in this area.

 

[Ldm0899]

I feel I need to say this at least me and my father from what I can remember have never had a good relationship. I even have a protective order against him. As for my sister she is 7 years older than me and he is not her biological father but has been there since before she turned 1. Also, my younger sister who is 4 years younger than me remembers one incident of him molesting her. Of the other two sisters, my eldest who is 39 said he never touched her and my younger who is 28 I don't know we don't speak.

 

[Intrepid]

If your experience is like mine you may never recover real memories. While memory of my grandfather touching me "down there" is clear, someone else also molested me too. The memories of that second person are as of yet impossible to pin down. I know who it is but have a very hard time admitting it and have totally dissociated the memories.

Having a predator in the family messes up everyone's relationships. Because of what my grandfather did my mom and her sisters all suffered (without therapy) for most of their lives.

My advice is to be kind to yourself. Don't try to do it all at once.

 

[Ldm0899]

I plan on doing this as slow as possible. One thing I'm struggling with is, although I've exhibited numerous symptoms of abuse. Ie: addiction, I chew on my nails constantly and have my entire life, I wet the bed and sucked my thumb until I was 12, extremely early masterbation ect. But I've managed to stop doing most of the bad things, my short term memory is still terrible which is super annoyin. What I'm getting at is I'm mostly happy with where I am, and I'm scared I will regress or change when/if I find out.

 

[watundah]

It is a scary road ahead when you're just beginning to dig in. I'm glad you're going to therapy so you can learn tools for dealing with it. I remember one perpetrator but inner child writings allude to others, and I have 0 memories of that. It's so hard to wrap my head around things when there is absolutely no recall but I think we really know when there are symptoms that prevail. The memories may never come, it's not the important part, though.

 

[Lucycat]

I'm scared I will regress or change when/if I find out.

I don't think this should be your focus.

The aim of therapy, ultimately, should be to lead a normal life, comfortable being yourself. That could be with or without memories. If memories come, you need the skills to process and cope with them. If they don't you are no worse off than now.

You suggest you have nail-biting and previously had bed-wetting and thumb-sucking as symptoms. Have you got prevailing symptoms that need therapy in order for you to be happy? Would it help you understand your relationship with your mother? My mother did nothing to protect me from my father and it took a long time for me to unravel that. But now I understand that although she failed me as a mother - she is not responsible for what my father did. I have been in therapy for years to reach that point - but I have all the memories.

 

[Ldm0899]

I'm just super confused at this point. I am starting therapy next week. We'll a consultation. But is a start

 

[Abstract]

I would just say to make sure the therapist is someone who has specialist knowledge of trauma. In my humble opinion someone who isn't shouldn't start rummaging around there. Remember to trust your brain too. It will know when you are ready for something and when you aren't. Give yourself lots of time and try to be patient with you. Do lots of self comforting and calming if you can. Sorry that you find yourself in this situation. Take one small step at a time and try not to jump ahead of yourself if you can. I too have things I don't remember that did happen. It isn't easy.

 

[Ldm0899]

Thank you, I'm having a hard time right now by going back to my old ways and just ignoring it. Thankfully I can't completely forget it as it has upturned my entire family. And if I keep pushing g it away I'll regret it

 

[EveHarrington]

:hug:

 

[XXbabydollXX]

I can only remember that there was abuse, bits and pieces, but I have no idea who it was. I know it wa...

I could only remember one act in particular when my father molested me at 5 but I believe that he molested me more than once because I have anxiety and fear when I go to sleep at night in the dark. I hate the dark. Stay Strong.