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Was that a fawn response?

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Lilac98

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So for people's understanding, my grandad abused my sisters and went to prison for it many years ago. He got out and it felt like everyone pretty much acted like nothing happened though we saw him only once a year at first. Eventually he got quite ill and when taking him to hospital nanny was trying to get out of the car when dad was moving it cause him mum and grandad all thought she'd got out the car when mum and grandad did cause she took ages cause she needed help when she said she didn't so nanny's arm got mangled and she broke her hip. So after the hospital they both came to live with me mum dad and my older sister. I wasn't comfortable with this but they couldn't live on their own, refused to go in a care home and no one else in the family would look after them. I just tried to act normal around grandad cause although I could do this when we visited him seeing him every day was another thing. Most of the time I was really anxious around him, worrying he'd do something but sometimes I'd purposely sit in the living room with him and try to be around him more I didn't fully understand why I was doing it other than feeling sick of feeling trapped in my own house. I felt almost obsessed with him and wanted to be around him even if I wasn't supposed to be sitting in the living room with him and watching TV upstairs instead if I wanted or sitting in the office upstairs which was like another living room cause he couldn't get upstairs. Recently I've seen people mentioning the fawn response and I wonder if that's what I was doing???
 
I didn't see the threat in this particular person, and it confused me that others did. I had always been told that every person deserves compassion and it was obvious that no one was being nice to him so I decided I would be nice.
This was my whole life prior to recovery. Repeatedly getting abused by narcissists because I couldn’t see the threat and thought everyone deserved love because love was the answer to everything. 😳
 
Were you trying to gain favor? Or maybe you were just curious about him and didn't understand why such an old, feeble man was so feared.

I had a similar experience before I ever experienced any abuse. I didn't see the threat in this particular person, and it confused me that others did. I had always been told that every person deserves compassion and it was obvious that no one was being nice to him so I decided I would be nice. Later my mom told me he was a 'stranger' and I should stay away.
I was scared of him cause I knew he'd abused my sisters and he'd actually abused me but I forgot about it. No one else was scared of him or he wouldn't have been living with us. I'd switch between being scared and wanting to be around him. I know this sounds weird but I wanted to see if he'd do anything but I'd get scared again and go back upstairs where I was safe.
 
I'd switch between being scared and wanting to be around him. I know this sounds weird
Doesn’t sound weird at all. You were a child and curious about this person living with you. I question the decision of your mum for allowing him to live there though!

My parents let me visit and stay with my pedophile grandpa when I was only 7-years-old. I stayed for a week. He did not try to abuse me though there was a porn book in my room (he was a hoarder living in the country with his teenage son so there was lots of stuff everywhere.).

That man was my favorite grandparent. He was kind, generous, had tons of stuff to explore, lived in the country and had a pony. I was shocked when I found out as an adult what he did to my aunt. Even though I liked him when I was a kid, as an adult I recognize who he really was. It makes sense to me now that evil gross people can be so charismatic.
 
Doesn’t sound weird at all. You were a child and curious about this person living with you. I question the decision of your mum for allowing him to live there though!

My parents let me visit and stay with my pedophile grandpa when I was only 7-years-old. I stayed for a week. He did not try to abuse me though there was a porn book in my room (he was a hoarder living in the country with his teenage son so there was lots of stuff everywhere.).

That man was my favorite grandparent. He was kind, generous, had tons of stuff to explore, lived in the country and had a pony. I was shocked when I found out as an adult what he did to my aunt. Even though I liked him when I was a kid, as an adult I recognize who he really was. It makes sense to me now that evil gross people can be so charismatic.
Well erm I was 19 actually when he came to live with us. He stayed with my nanny in our house for 2 years. Nothing happened when he stayed round though. I think he was too ill. Mum and dad preferred me staying upstairs generally cause he couldn't get up the stairs. One time when mum and dad took nanny to the hospital and I was left alone with grandad i was told to not go down but I wanted a drink so I did then mum and dad came back and saw me downstairs. Then next time they took nanny to the hospital mum got me a drink before she left and said if I want another one I'll have to wait till they got back. I went down to get biscuits and went back up. One time he did seem to keep looking at my bum though when I was getting a drink when everyone was in the kitchen I kept seeing something moving out of the corner of my eye I turned my head round to see what it was and he was looking towards my bum he didn't even realise I was looking at him.
 
Well erm I was 19 actually when he came to live with us. He stayed with my nanny in our house for 2 years. Nothing happened when he stayed round though. I think he was too ill. Mum and dad preferred me staying upstairs generally cause he couldn't get up the stairs.
I still question your parents decision when you were living there if you had to restrict your own movement in your own house. And even though you were 19 it’s not like you had the choice to leave.

Not trying to make you uncomfortable just trying to put some of that responsibility back onto your parents. It’s not your fault for being in your own house.
 
I still question your parents decision when you were living there if you had to restrict your own movement in your own house. And even though you were 19 it’s not like you had the choice to leave.

Not trying to make you uncomfortable just trying to put some of that responsibility back onto your parents. It’s not your fault for being in your own house.
I'm not independent so I still live with my parents. Mum always says he wasn't all bad. I think mum and dad still worried he'd do something when I was older was cause I act more childish.

Doesn’t sound weird at all. You were a child and curious about this person living with you. I question the decision of your mum for allowing him to live there though!

My parents let me visit and stay with my pedophile grandpa when I was only 7-years-old. I stayed for a week. He did not try to abuse me though there was a porn book in my room (he was a hoarder living in the country with his teenage son so there was lots of stuff everywhere.).

That man was my favorite grandparent. He was kind, generous, had tons of stuff to explore, lived in the country and had a pony. I was shocked when I found out as an adult what he did to my aunt. Even though I liked him when I was a kid, as an adult I recognize who he really was. It makes sense to me now that evil gross people can be so charismatic.
I don't remember my grandad before he came out of prison. Him and nanny always took me swimming he told me this but I have no memory of it.
 
@OliveJewel i read your post about fawning with an older guy and I've realised yep I was definitely fawning with g when he lived with us. I guess it sort of makes sense cause I couldn't fight or escape and freezing wouldn't help. I thought with him living with us, something happening was inevitable so I just wanted to be around him a lot and felt obsessed with him. I think my brain was just trying to make the situation feel better so if something happened maybe I wouldn't mind so much.
 
Lilac, that makes a lot of sense to me!
I guess it sort of makes sense cause I couldn't fight or escape and freezing wouldn't help
This very much resonates with me. My grandpa was a sociopathic pedophile, but I didn’t know until after he died. He was the most charming and charismatic man and he was my favorite grandparent when I was a kid. It was very strange and hard to shift to seeing him as a kind of demon who started an avalanche of trauma in my immediate and extended family.
so I just wanted to be around him a lot and felt obsessed with him.
I totally get this. My dad’s brother has the same charisma as their dad. As a 6yo child I had fantasies about having sex with him and until I recovered the memories that my dad had sexually assaulted me as a baby I believed that some day I would. I was 39 when I started recovery, so that’s 33 years of being infatuated with my uncle. I don’t even talk to him now. I think you are right that by staying close to them it keeps us safe. That is also what accounts for the ego enmeshment with abusers.
 
Lilac, that makes a lot of sense to me!

This very much resonates with me. My grandpa was a sociopathic pedophile, but I didn’t know until after he died. He was the most charming and charismatic man and he was my favorite grandparent when I was a kid. It was very strange and hard to shift to seeing him as a kind of demon who started an avalanche of trauma in my immediate and extended family.

I totally get this. My dad’s brother has the same charisma as their dad. As a 6yo child I had fantasies about having sex with him and until I recovered the memories that my dad had sexually assaulted me as a baby I believed that some day I would. I was 39 when I started recovery, so that’s 33 years of being infatuated with my uncle. I don’t even talk to him now. I think you are right that by staying close to them it keeps us safe. That is also what accounts for the ego enmeshment with abusers.
G wasn't my favourite I didn't have a favourite but I've never seen him as a monster either. I don't remember him before I was 11 and I was just scared of him but still saw him cause I felt like I had to.
 
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