Was That A Memory?

[WillowMarie]

The other day I was triggered by a delivery person who had come back to my house after he accidentally delivered extra food that was for another order. When he started pounding on the front door, I started feeling super scared. He was outside my house for 5-10 minutes and started pounding louder each time he knocked.

I was sitting in my room in front of the computer and I kept having this feeling that someone was going to burst through the closed door of my room and hurt me or grab me.

I turned around a few times expecting to see someone opening my door, coming at me. I was scared and tried to distract myself while it was happening. I just couldn't shake the feeling of someone coming into my room and hurting or grabbing me.

I had my appointment with my therapist today and after I told her, she asked if it was a memory. I was confused because I never realized something like that could be a memory, but thinking about it, it makes sense, I think.

Has anyone else had a memory try to come through like this?

 

[franciemarnie]

It could be a memory or it could have mimicked the dynamics of an old trauma. There are things that have happened to me as an adult that were reminiscent of the past and triggered the same terror.

Either way, that sure must have been unpleasant. What did he think - you were hard of hearing? Geez. My blood pressure would have gone up 40 points.

 

[macca]

I've had similar experiences a few times. It's a pretty nasty isn't it. I don't know if mine could count as memories, as I suspect I was only 3 at the time of my original traumatic incident. I guess I'm thinking that flashbacks kind of are memories aren't they, just not necessarily stored consciously. Hope you are feeling ok now.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

That's kind of weird. Once the food is out of his hands, he can't take it back---well assuming you're talking about prepared food and not a delivery grocery or something like that.

 

[Stanley Shi-Yume]

To me this sounds like my startle. I have the paranoia feeling that people will not leave me alone. A long time it was a fear of being invaded... I think a natural protective impulse for those like us. it will happen even when it's a delivery person... it happens if I need to use the restroom, I need to be absolutely left alone. It never occurred to me that there are MEMORIES perhaps driving some of these protective impulses. Obviously not every single one, as the protective mind branches out and goes places that aren't necessarily linked to a past experience but are predictive....

 

[Leah123]

This sounds like a typical stress response for folks w/PTSD, which isn't necessarily tied to a specific memory. Fear is easily generalized to non-trauma specific situations, because w/PTSD, our fear response is distorted, exaggerated, so feeling a bit paranoid by circumstances makes perfect sense. I have a similar reaction to people pounding on my door, and like Dreamsofmydeath mentioned, the startle reflex can certainly worsen a situation like this.

 

[katz]

I can completely understand your being so scared when you heard the pounding. I have a lot, I mean a lot, of my memories stored in smells. I recently walked into a small town grocery store. I immediately realized how uncomfortable I felt. Almost a panic. I looked to see what the trigger was and realized that it was just the smell of the store. The grandfather that hurt me owned a small store/gas station and I remembered the smell of the store. (A family owned gas station/store !! Shows you how long ago it was!)
I'm trying to get the courage to go back in again. I want to see what else it triggers, now that I know what to look for-err, smell.

 

[Gadgie]

Smells are one of the triggers for me as well, I even get them in my nightmares, along with every other sense.

The worst one for me is when folk have Bar/B/Qs, especially if they are cooking pork, it brings back bad memories for me.

 

[katz]

I have a terrible time with summer rain at night. I used to love thunderstorms, now they make me panic! All that I think of is trying to escape from "them" that summer night. The sounds and smells and even the darkness makes me want to run and hide! Even thinking about that night makes me shake! Out hiding behind the old rusted swing set...watching them all looking for me...in the dark. ....

 

[Jnean]

I had a panic attack over a very loud ticking clock once. Wanted to smash it. I don't know why.
Smelled garage smell, oil and grease on a client, almost threw up, dad worked in a garage.
Saw the name of someone who raped me written down once and for hours couldn't do anything, didn't know why till I looked back at that paper. Shocked me.
Was touched by a lover in bathtub when my sight went black all but the face of my father. Cried. Pushed it far away till recently.
Once a friend was joking around and put hands on my neck, I froze. Was strangled twice by my ex abuser. Once sadistic, the other not.
Hate triggers but finally learning them.