Ways to combat shame

[Sideways]

Looking for ideas of ways people have worked on reducing their shame...

 

[Recovery4Me]

Shame is often a hot topic on many forums. :tup: Understanding shame was very instrumental for me in order to release some of my baggage, to slow my depression, allowing me to heal and move forward with learning to forgive myself within.

*I found knowing the difference between that of guilt and undue 'shame' was important.
*I found Brene Brown on Ted Talks concerning shame a great inspiration Listening to shame
*I found when discussing shame in group therapy, 12 Step Programs, individual therapy and forums... I was not alone and many held the same feelings.

I hope this helps you a bit within your journey to heal. :hug: Thank you for being so opened.

 

[ladee]

The game changer for me was an old book by John Bradshaw. Healing the Shame that Binds.
I learned the difference between healthy shame and toxic shame. And a ton of other things. Can not tell you the last time I felt toxic shame.

This was at the beginning of my recovery. I was in between T's. No funds. I would go to the book store and just wander around in the self help section. I would always be 'drawn' to a certain book. Every single time it would be what I needed. This one almost jumped off the shelf into my hands.
I know for an experienced fact it changed my thinking in very profound ways.
Its an old book. Sure many others are out there now.

Am So very proud of how far you have come. What ever path you chose on this subject,is going to be a game changer for you also.


Healthy shame says I did something wrong. Toxic shame says my whole being is wrong.
My oldest sister played this card so hard and for so long I was convinced I had NO self worth what so ever.
She was wrong. She was so wrong.
Sending you pure untangled love, support, and sitting with you. So very happy to see you back!

 

[Eagle3]

For me, the book that turned not just my shame, but the hyper-critical self-talk as well, is "Living Life With an Open Heart" by Russel Kolts and Thubten Chodron. Its a book about learning the ins-and-outs of compassion. This book has completely changed everything about the way I interact with myself and others as well. To this day, I feel shame about the way I've behaved in the past when I look at the difference between what I know now and what I did then, but now I'm able to extend compassion to myself and know I was just behaving in the only way I knew how. I know better now, so I behave better, but its still a journey and one I'm able to guide myself along gently, without debilitating shame or disgust with myself. I HIGHLY recommend this book!

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

Brene Brown, Pema Chodron, Jill Prescott, and Teal Swan are the names that pop into my head first.

I found all of them on you tube and made it a point to listen to their content daily for quite a while, often several times a day. I also found some of Pema's works in my local library. I still revisit them on occasion while exercising, cooking, soaking in a bath, etc. to serve as a loving reminder.

Some of my favorites that I found to be helpful:

Being vulnerable gave me freedom from sexual abuse and bullying | Jill Prescott | TEDxStanleyPark
How To Overcome Shame -Teal Swan-
Pema Chördrön - Heal Yourself In The Now
Pema Chodron - Going to the places that scare you

Remembering, especially when shame comes rushing back in trying to take me down, that some of the most deeply ingrained beLIEfs that I held onto for dear life, for much of my life, were planted there by others who had no clue what a healthy self-perception was to begin with. I have to consciously choose to not allow that cycle of choices to continue.

Learning to treat myself better than those who brought about such a troubled foundation filled with shame to begin with has been a challenging and ongoing process. Just when I think I have things figured out, I'm reminded there is no finish line to reach, rather it's an ongoing moment by moment process.

 

[ladee]

I love 'beLIEfs'...... perfect.. thanks for sharing that...

 

[Recovery4Me]

@Tornadic Thoughts I too found Pema very healing in allowing tolerance, removing the blame game, and within acceptance. There are indeed many of her free lessons found within YouTube!

@ladee Toxic Shame is the big one!:tup: Thank you for that as I had forgotten that was a great term to start with.

@Ragdoll Circus ... you are among the right crowd and I am very excited for your upcoming freedom! :hug:

 

[Changing4Best]

After I ran away from my toxic abusive boyfriend, who told me things like that no one would ever want me, I felt a lot of shame. Over the years it has melted away a lot, especially now since I have a boyfriend. He obviously wants me, thinks I am beautiful, and so I feel a lot less shame, just from the good things that have happened in my life. I recently even got a job, after thinking I could never work again. The last time I worked was 15 years ago! I felt shame in the past over some of the things I had done. Now I know that God has forgiven me, and one of the people that I was ashamed of hurting also forgave me, so that helped a lot too. In fact, he and I both forgave one another for everything we ever did that hurt eachother. That helped a lot too.

 

[donethat]

I agree, brene brown on "listening to shame" found on Ted talks, on you tube is a must watch. Think she has similar talks on guilt, etc.

 

[ms spock]

Oh I am listening to Brene Brown over and over, and again and again. There is just so much in her talks that I relate to, currently I am listening to her audiobook on authenticity, and there is a lot about shame in it @Ragdoll Circus.

 

[Friday]

I'm not sure I want to. I generally feel I've earned my shame.

So that's probably one of the first steps... Being willing to.

 

[mumstheword]

I lot of my shame has to do with other people's behaviour, and my responses, so I want to address it. It's such an entrenched thing, and I find it socially debilitating.