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Childhood Weird Sensation In Genitals - Body Memory?

katz

MyPTSD Pro
#13
--on a lighter note, if anyone wants one...
When I was growing up and dealing with my many "demons"-especially at home. (I know that I have mentioned this before somewhere, so I'm sorry if I repeat myself)
When I would feel a physical memory coming, I would get up and go to the bathroom. A place that is okay to close the door--and lock it--and stay there as long as I needed too.

Now, as an adult, when ever I get a strong memory--especially a physical one--I "need" to use the bathroom. Very inconvenient! Especially at work or in meetings !! LOL
 
#16
I have this feeling exactly. Until I read this I thought I was the only one who got it. I have been sexually abused but in really minor ways- I did not consider it had affected me. My pain CPTSD issue has always been emotional verbal and occasional physical abuse plus witnessing my mother and sister being abused by my dad, also constant low lwevel bullying from peers since my primary school days. .I am perplexed as to why I get these feelings and the triggers for me getting these feelings are situations when I generslly am hyperaroused in social situations. eg I suffer social anxiety and severe fear, shame, feelings of being dirty and disgusting in social situations.
I have no way of knowing whether the sexual abuse affected me- as well as incidents of sexual abuse I remember as older child and in my teenage years. I recently was told by my sister that our grandfather used to touch us innapripriatley. Was very mild stuff- just tickling us between our legs and making lewd remarks. I would have been 2 or 3 qt the time, which is probably why I don't remember, although I do remember some of the domestic abuse at that age my sister and mother filled in some of my memories too. Some of the worst stuff I have blocked out. My sister and mother are both truthful people and in fact with other instances of abuse they always downplayed them so no way are they exaggerating or lying.
 
#17
To be fair, I do remember an incidence of sexual abuse at age 10 by 3 kkids the same age as me who held me down and were violent in the attack. I was upset for a couple days afterwards because I felt so ashamed and someone I blurted it out to told someone in authority (headteacher of the school it happened at) and she blamed me saying I made it up. So I felt awfull after that but no idea if it damaged me in the long term. I already was experiencing trauma symptoms before it happened because of the violence and emotional abuse at home which made me tense and terrified constantly

Apologies for my appalling typos and spelling- I have a neuroligical disease called Dystonia which affects my arm movements and general mobility so typing is hard for me- keep getting muscle spasms!
 
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C

caza0-1

#18
thankyou for this post.
i too thought i was going mad. ive had wht i think are body memories, ive woken up to what i think is sexual arousal. I say i think because i have never experienced sensation during sex. I think this is because of the abuse. I dont like the feeling of being aroused.
 
#19
Hi all, I just signed up for this site because of this chain.. I think I've read all of it but didn't see much about how people deal with this icky feeling. I lose my mind when it happens. I pee A LOT- like every few minutes if possible. Sometimes pleasing myself (getting off) helps it go away.. I'm in hypno therapy - and regular therapy.. but I don't have a solution that lasts more than a day or so.. sometimes I can't get rid of it at all.
 
#20
I get this all the time. I used to think something was wrong with me and my sexuality, like I was just a messed up person. Since recovering memories, I've been aware of body sensations every time and I'm still having a hard time coming to terms with it. I've never wanted to have this reaction to violence and negative things...
 
T

taylor173

#21
Me too. Im glad you posted this. I tried explaining this to a therapist years ago. They treat it so nonchalantly. It's f*cking insane and I DO want to disappear lately and have been calling the suicide hotline non stop for months. Sometimes I'll feel the tingling right underneath my nut sack. I used to think of it as a normal thing until I remembered my abuse randomly about a decade ago. I seriously have been considering ending my life. I can't function as the fake me anymore. I will also sometimes be drifting off to sleep and will start forcing my mouth shut because I feel a penis going into my mouth. And my mind screams how unfair this is and I lay there paralyzed or wake up two hours later without ANY recollection of who I am or ever was. Who can live like this?? I don't know what to do or who to call anymore. Why would I want to be medicated? Medication isn't going to fix this. Im also located in the southern united states and just can't deal anymore. I feel trapped, im always broke and it seems like living is just retraumatizing day to day. I've heard thAt psychedelics can help heal trauma, but how am I supposed to get to Peru or a place that does medicine work?? I've always been broke and have just felt insane.
 
#23
Me too. Im glad you posted this. I tried explaining this to a therapist years ago. They treat it so nonchalantly. It...
So sorry to hear ur having a shit time with this too. I also find the body memories & flashbacks really distressing & disturbing.
I totally get the feeling that it's unfair because it really is. It's not ur fault. Like it's not my fault.
It's literally so annoying at times.
But I'm determined to not let what they've done beat me. They took my childhood. & have near ruined my life up til now with the carnage left after it. But I will get through this & I will have a life after this trauma. & so will u!
Have u been able to start therapy at all yet?
Hang on in there!!
Hope u can find the support u need to get through this painful time. Ur not alone with this! X
 
M

Michelle85232

#24
is anyone else experiencing this but have no proof of sexual abuse, I feel strongly that I was as my whole life has been nothing but regret, mistakes , cheating, drugs and violence. I get terrible sensations in my anus and vagina and it's not pleaseing it's horrific and they don't stop for days. It's destroyed my family, I don't know why this happens and I need help
 
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