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Childhood Weird Sensation In Genitals - Body Memory?

#37
Yes I have this too, but it is associated with feeling protected and I don’t like it either because it can happen at strange times, like talking with my boss or even just watching something happen to other people, if one is protecting the other.

My dad was the abuser, mostly emotional and physical and a little bit sexual, but he also sexualized me all my life so I think that’s where that comes from. I just wrote about this sensation in my journal two days ago, acknowledging it for the first time, and here is a whole thread on it!

My self harm is so regular and low level that I can’t usually tell what triggers it, but now I don’t feel ashamed of this feeling in my vagina anymore because I understand why. I realized that my vagina can help me recognize my feelings too. It’s strange, but I don’t have to feel ashamed or try to stop it.

Thank you for starting this very validating and helpful thread!
 
M

Memory buster

#38
Hello everyone. I hope this is the right place to post this. I'm recently coming to terms with childhood se...
I am sorry to hear you are going through this too. I am seeing a therapist trying to uncover the memories of sex abuse at an early age. I too feel the genital sensations in this work. I understand it is normal, although not welcome. Icky yuck. But, I believe it is our bodies way of working through and releasing it all. Be kind to yourself on this journey. You are a strong survivor. May life bloom brightly to you.
 
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BloomingRose

#39
I hate that shit. Once I went to sleep and I felt something entering my vagina. The shit feels w...
Being fingered against your will is rape it is sometimes called Digital rape. Having anything penetrate you no matter how little against your will or no matter what is used to penetrate you with is rape. I was shocked to know this information myself because I didn't think a lot of what happened to me was rape unless they entered me with their penis.
 
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Rach2018

#41
Hello everyone. I hope this is the right place to post this. I'm recently coming to terms with childhood sexual abuse, and am viewing old thoughts and feelings under this new lens.
I dont quite know what it is, but I feel it too. Especially when I hear about someone else being abused in any way. My T believes that I deal with my anxiety through sex. Maybe they are related.
 
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Goas Sare

#43
Ruby Kat, how old were you when you began getting those sensations? I was molested between the ages of 3-6 frequently maybe earlier on. Thats just what I can recall. But I didnt start having these sensations til more recent years. I would say the last 5 years. Maybe I had them before I’m not sure because it is very similar to when Im aroused by my boyfriend but almost painful and its hard to make it go away. Im now 21 almost 22. Ive never seen a T but I wish I had.
 
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LeoGirl

#44
I'm not sure if anyone is still following this topic, but I wanted to know if anyone experienced this sensation when people are being affectionate toward them. I've been searching everywhere trying to find out what this means because I'm pretty sure it's not normal and the way it happens is so weird. Ever since I was a child, I remember feeling a painful feeling that was transient and would pass in a matter of seconds. I still experience it and it's driving me crazy, and I feel too ashamed to talk about it to my therapist, even though I've told her other things about past sexual abuse. I'm not even sure this is related to those experiences. I feel this way when someone shows me affection, mainly mother figures but has happened with other people as well, including men who were kind. In that moment, I get that painful sensation that almost spreads through my body like an electric shock for just a couple of seconds and my breathing becomes heavier.
 
#45
I'm not sure if anyone is still following this topic, but I wanted to know if anyone experienced this sensation when people are being affectionate toward them. I've been searching everywhere trying to find out what this means because I'm pretty sure it's not normal and the way it happens is so weird. Ever since I was a child, I remember feeling a painful feeling that was transient and would pass in a matter of seconds. I still experience it and it's driving me crazy, and I feel too ashamed to talk about it to my therapist, even though I've told her other things about past sexual abuse. I'm not even sure this is related to those experiences. I feel this way when someone shows me affection, mainly mother figures but has happened with other people as well, including men who were kind. In that moment, I get that painful sensation that almost spreads through my body like an electric shock for just a couple of seconds and my breathing becomes heavier.
Hi, LeoGirl.

I'm sorry you are experiencing painful body memories of the abuse, while people are being kind and affectionate toward you.

So far, the body memories I experience have not been linked to the kindness or simple affection of others. However, I do experience particular body memories in specific types of situations. So I understand how frustrating that can be.

In my personal experience, I get a terrible pain in my lower back which speaks across to my hips. This pain comes when I stand-up for myself. It sucks, because the pain is sharp and catches my breath, making it difficult to maintain my train of thought as I attempt to assert myself.

Another experience I've had with body memories has occurred while I was intimate with a (now former) boyfriend. It occurred as I would be feeling particularly good, and then - BAM! - terror would flood me, and I'd vomit and cry. I basically would go from enjoying the pleasures of intimate relations with someone I loved, to being raped in a split second. Not fun.

Currently, my body is hanging-out in a perpetual state of rape sensations that fluctuate in intensity throughout the day. This has been going on for weeks now, and is very distressing, to say the least.

From my understanding, the body memories exist to serve a purpose to warn you that you have some work to do in terms of processing the trauma. I know it’s difficult, but I think it might be helpful if you can address this in therapy. If your therapist works with CSA / SA surviors on a regular basis, then she has likely encountered this before.

My psychologist keeps reassuring me that as I continue working through the abuse, the body memories will eventually diminish. She also warned that typically they are the last things to leave us. As in we have to really get far in processing our traumas, before they decide to let us be. Our body wants us to heal, and not keep the junk hidden within us.

Your experience is not atypical. It's just that most of us are too ashamed /embarrassed to talk about it. Be brave for yourself. You were brave enough to post it here. That means you are brave enough to open-up with your therapist, a person you've developed an open relationship with who can help you process this. The only way out is through. I know it's difficult (and completely unfair), but you can do this.

Sending you compassion, peace, and strength.
 
#46
I JUST posted a similar question an hour or so ago, asking if anyone ever felt their genitals tingle or feel turned on, or felt like there was a finger pushing into my/your vagina.

I thought I was alone because no one talks about that, but I'm so thankful I'm not the only one.

And yes, it's a body memory because of unresolved trauma being held in the body.
U all are amazingly brave for sharing. It freaks my out/ disgusting but only way to make them stop is to M(can't type word) which is even more disgusting. I start to get to point which then something happens i get really terrified feel like peeing and just stop. Confused disgusted ashamed and I've never told anyone this. Sorry if confusing

Being fingered against your will is rape it is sometimes called Digital rape. Having anything penetrate you no matter how little against your will or no matter what is used to penetrate you with is rape. I was shocked to know this information myself because I didn't think a lot of what happened to me was rape unless they entered me with their penis.
I still call all the stuff just sex. :/
 

katz

MyPTSD Pro
#47
Hi I am 38 years old and have been working on myself. This week all of a sudden I am haunted by thoughts and feelings of being molested as a child. I have never really had this before in all my life but I am thinking I kept it surpressed. I have always kind of wondered if I was but never thought much about it. Anyway this week anytime I question if I was molested (I cant remember details) I get tingly in my private and I cry a lot. Today I was trying to think of people I could ask to verify if this happened and I came up with nobody will verify this for me and I cried very very hard yelling OMG and my private kept arousing and I kept closing my legs tight and putting my hand there and felt shame and then I cried more and went into almost what was like it was happening and I kept yelling stop stop stop and closing my legs. I never had this before but since this realization came to mind this week I keep telling myself I want to know and I want to remember and then today this happened and it was strong and like ou of body experience of reenactment almost I feel like it is a body memory trying to tell my mind. I did not know anything about Body memory until this happened today and I started researching. I really want verification that this happened but I feel like it must have because of what I experienced today, it was crazy.
Welcome to the forum. I'm sure that you will find that there are lots of other people who can understand and relate to what your feeling and going thru.
 
#48
Your post and the responses made me realise that that uncomfortable tingling is a body memory... I was molested as a child and to this day still get that tingly feeling. "I am also asexual (don't like sex) thankfully my partner is okay with that :)
 
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