Were you able to heal despite being minimally in touch with your abusive family members?

[Luna_Moth]

I am currently low contact with family members and I am unable to cut them off due to personal reasons. I use the grey rock method on them and never respond to their tactics at lovebombing. I haven’t told them I love them in years.

I just want to know if it is possible because part of me feels like I won’t heal unless I cut them off for good.

 

[Teasel]

I think it's possible. I guess it might depend on how much contact, how abusive they are still able to be, how vulnerable you are to that and what support you have for yourself. But yes, I think it's possible.

 

[Movingforward10]

I've done it/doing it. I think it might always be a work in progress?

But I am way way way better at it than I was. I still get upset , but I know that is just being human. My ability to regulate myself is now actually a 'thing' I can do.

I think that the path of healing is building that sense of self, self worth, self understanding, self compassion.
And leaving the drama that abusive people weave, with them. Trying not to engage in it. Having that armour of resilience and protection around yourself.
Some days it's easier than others.
And they may up the anti at times as they notice you pulling away and managing.
So it's not easy, but doable.

Although, when things get tough again, I go back in to questioning why I have remained in contact.

 

[arfie]

i don't believe i could have healed as far as i did without cutting off my criminally dysfunctional family, but it felt like an amputation. 50 years later i feel as though i suffer "the phantom limb syndrome." no matter how diseased and//or broken the limb which was amputated, the body still feels its absence.

ya gotta do what ya gotta do, but amputation is an extreme measure. in my case i believe it was necessary but i sure wish less extreme options had been available.

 

[Luna_Moth]

I've done it/doing it. I think it might always be a work in progress?

But I am way way way better at it than I was. I still get upset , but I know that is just being human. My ability to regulate myself is now actually a 'thing' I can do.

I think that the path of healing is building that sense of self, self worth, self understanding, self compassion.
And leaving the drama that abusive people weave, with them. Trying not to engage in it. Having that armour of resilience and protection around yourself.
Some days it's easier than others.
And they may up the anti at times as they notice you pulling away and managing.
So it's not easy, but doable.

Although, when things get tough again, I go back in to questioning why I have remained in contact.

I’m still in minimal contact with them because I don’t want to be homeless. A lot of women go missing in my city and I don’t want to be a statistic.

 

[Susan Jane]

I couldn’t start my way out until I cut them off. That said the cutting started in 2000…and wasn’t complete till 2019. I went backwards with my dad in 2016 and tried again. 2019 full and Final cut. I am not healed but I am doing much better.

 

[Survivor3]

Yes I was able to heal with no support or contact with 2 family members and just seeing my mum a few times a weak. I had my own place to live. Having little support hurt but once I accepted that I started to thrive. You have to be strong and resiliant but it's more than possible. Try and live a full balanced life and pursue your dreams.

You'll make some mistakes here and there but that's normal, so long as you learn from them. Lifes tough when people abuse you especially if it's family members. You can choose your friends but not your family.

Michael Stipe the singer from the band REM once said "good living is the best revenge".