What Are Some Of Your Self Soothing And Coping Skills?

[KwanYingirl]

@Dana1010 Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory goes to a place in his head that he can access anywhere called Ponfar. His body can take any form he wants, such as an isosceles triangle.

 

[KwanYingirl]

@FindingMyself88 I PM'd you the clay recipe. Enjoy!

 

[The Albatross]

Hey @KwanYingirl will you please include me in the conversation or pm me it too? I'd like to try it with the two young boys my mom does respite with. 9 and 10 ADD/ADHD and Asperger's but entirely likely that later in life they'll also have PTSD or another general anxiety issue (domestic violence, substance abuse... they're being raised by their 72 year old grandmother).

 

[Chava]

Painting, artwork (ditto)
Comforting music
Holding my cat, petting my dog (too big to hold)
Soaking feet and hands in warm water
Walking
Nature...or just working gently in the yard with no pressure to do much but just tinker
Watch something funny on hulu/t.v., like comedy

My problem is panic which gets out of hand...and then the soothing stuff doesn't work, but I find using up big muscle force, though in slow and non-fidgety ways, is helpful...so like pushing against a wall with my feet, working with resistance bands, squeezing something, doing something like Pilates (someone recently mentioned Progressive Muscle Relaxation...tensing muscles, then relaxing). My anxiety has a pretty clear "fight" feeling to it, so before soothing, it's helpful to find a safe release for that energy. That's a whole separate list! (but mainly this stuff of finding ways to tense or push out energy slowly)

 

[FindingMyself88]

My problem is panic which gets out of hand...and then the soothing stuff doesn't work

This is my issue at times too, but my T says to bigger the list and the MORE I do these things in general, they will become habitual and my "go to" instead of cutting..

 

[Chava]

Agreed! Keep adding to it and keep it close! I used to cut and still have the urge sometimes. It usually comes from a sort of dissociated place, but it's also intense. For me, the typically soothing things (stuffed animal, cat, etc) help only after I've released some of that intensity in a healthy way (movement or pushing of some sort). Or recently, I was sort of surprised to notice that the urge to cut came with a combination reflex...two survival needs glued together (common in "freeze" or dissociation I guess)...the need to fight and the need to be really protected, like held tight. My therapist asks me to work on sorting out and separating these basic needs if I can recognize them. So I squeezed my arms and ribs (like self hug), then wrapped a scarf tight around my torso and wore it for hours. Note, I didn't go anywhere dressed like this! But the compression helped with the tension and pain that was also building in my upper body. Then I also did quite a bit of pushing with my legs, slowly, over the next couple hours ("fight" energy).

So I forgot to add...and am so glad you reminded me...COMPRESSION. That helps sometimes. I don't like being touched when on edge, but wrapping myself tight in a blanket or just squeezing myself without hurt is helpful. I don't know how much insight you have into your cutting and our reasons probably vary. But for me, it's some glued together intense thing like wanting to lash out and also hold the energy in or feel contained and safe. So I find ways to do both, ideally separating them out a bit. The scarf thing wrapped around myself helped loads and loads recently (just a couple days ago) when panic had my heart skipping beats. I went to ER to get it checked out...benign arrhythmia, mostly stress, but very uncomfortable and only creates more panic if I can't find ways to settle.

So, I don't know if any of that would help you, but you could add to your list if it might. Even though I don't cut right now, I felt really proud of being able to figure out what my body wanted (when it seemed like it wanted to be cut up), and being able to provide it safely. You'll get there too. All the typical things, but stay open-minded and curious because for us, "soothing" might not be all lullabies and rainbows when the stress is really intense, but whatever we add to our soothing tools should help us settle and feel safe.

I agree with the soothing habit idea, and I'm trying to keep my stress lower in general through certain things, but I can't really help it when some weird body sensation or something throws me...so it helps to have a stronger list of soothing things for dealing with "fight" energy or whatever intense energy needs some kind of safe release. And I think as I feel more confident with those tools my panic subsides more quickly. It still comes, and I don't seem to have a lot of control over the intensity right now, but it doesn't seem to wreck me for so long and I don't have to hurt myself. So, it feels hopeful.

 

[xena21]

I wish I could say I am an avid user at go to self soothing techniques. My therapist just told me tonight after I self injured to go get ice cream.

It sounds funny but sweets are something I love, and my dog loved them and I miss her so I guess that can be a good thing too when I am sad.

As far as additional self soothing I have such a hard time with self hate that the only thing I could muster was cleaning products. I associate clean with good. When things are clean I feel better, so the smell of cleaning products make me feel better, you know? I hope you feel better too.

 

[scout86]

lol I can't believe your T said that

He knows that I've abused alcohol in the past. When you sign on as his client, he wants you to promise not to do things like that. I intend to keep the promise, but sometimes it's easier than others. (He knows that too.) So, once in awhile he throws something like that out there, just to see what kind of reaction he gets. (At least I THINK that's what he's doing.) Actually, that was the point of his whole little speech that day, that there are lots of coping skills but some of them are WAY better than others.

This thread was a great idea, I'm glad you thought of it!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Burning Nag Champa insence.
A baby blue soft blanket to cover me with when I am taking a nap.
Candles.
Pretty, soft and comfortable clothes.
Comfort foods.
Playing my I Pad games.
Walking when I am motivated to do it.
Good perfume.
Good shampoo and good conditioner.
Getting my hair and nails done.

Still adding to the list. Thank you great thread,

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Step 1. Find a new therapist.

Safety/stability is crucial to establish before processing, and this therapist is doing it all backwards. I'm not sure why you stick with her given that she's pretty much thrown you under the bus and doesn't follow standard trauma treatment progression models.

 

[desiderata310]

It sounds like the two of them have come up with a decent list and her therapist has even offered a new one. As a SH'er I know that to find something that takes away the harming desires has to satisfy that specific need and I am a better judge than my therapist to make that determination. He wants to make certain that it is still SAFE.

Going for a run for me is safe- as long as I don't push it to the point of injury, however, cycing in those moment is a terrible idea because I also become very reckless and have had many close calls with vehicles as a result- (and that's where my SH turns to SI). So we have removed cycling from the list and since I've been trying to heal from an injury we've taking running off the list for the moment.

My therapist would often recommend a ride when I was triggered but unable to run (because of injury) but I had to tell him that was a terrible idea and why.

 

[xena21]

Step 1. Find a new therapist.
Safety/stability is crucial to establish before processing, and this therapist is doing it all backwards. I'm not sure why you stick with her given that she's pretty much thrown you under the bus and doesn't follow standard trauma treatment progression models.

I don't understand. Can you explain more this explanation for getting a new therapist? I was under the impression that finding self soothing techniques was a good thing. My therapist who is an expert in PTSD has also instructed me to do this to help with self injury. I don't really understand.