This..... When things are bad like they are for me now, sleep is a problem. It (my brain) is stuck in hyper alert mode cuz of a trigger, a feeling, both. Nothing feels safe, NO ONE, even you. But I don’t know how to say it to you without hurting you, I’m not strong enough for that. So I lay beside you, wide awake cuz danger is everywhere. When it’s this bad, it doesn’t matter how much I argue that you’re safe, you care, you want to help, you love me. I just need to get away from everyone, even you. So, I barely move for hours so that maybe you won’t know, so that you can rest. Wait for you to go to work and maybe I can get an hour but probably not. I can only do this so long before I have to go away to reset, to slow the survival state. When I’m stronger, I forget how this feels cuz I don’t want to be back here. I don’t explain it to you because I don’t want to be here feeling this, and I don’t want this to harm you. But it does anyway.