General What are they thinking?

[Freida]

:roflmao: Happy it helped!

 

[Freida]

Here's a random thought I had today.

The stuff I share on here about how I'm thinking? Ya, I don't share most of it with my supporters usually. I'll give them bits and pieces (like hubby knows I was badly triggered today and I'm upset, but not why). I think it's because this is anonymous. No one here knows me, or needs anything from me, or has any expectations of me. My supporters though? If I dumped what I'm thinking on them then I have to deal with THEIR emotional fall out. And I don't want to.

both @LuckiLee and @Sweetpea76 have called me out on that in the past -- reminding me that my supporters want to know what is going on in my head. But. Nope. Just can't bring myself to do it. Because no matter how many times they tell me they can handle it -- I don't believe it. If I can't handle it then how can I expect them too?

Spill my guts to people on the internet who have no idea who I really am? Sure
But ask me to do it to those who love me? ya...no.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Sharing information in the sea of “WTF” that is a supporter’s life is a loving act.
It’s intimacy... sharing all that. Showing that we’re actually trusted, even if it is just for that minute.

We kinda make peace with the fact that intimacy and trust can be thin on the ground when our partners are symptomatic (and sometimes when they aren’t). Being shown that trust is a big deal.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

The stuff I share on here about how I'm thinking? Ya, I don't share most of it with my supporters usually. I'll give them bits and pieces (like hubby knows I was badly triggered today and I'm upset, but not why). I think it's because this is anonymous. No one here knows me, or needs anything from me, or has any expectations of me. My supporters though? If I dumped what I'm thinking on them then I have to deal with THEIR emotional fall out. And I don't want to.

But. Nope. Just can't bring myself to do it. Because no matter how many times they tell me they can handle it -- I don't believe it. If I can't handl

Yep, same here. I actually tried that once and the results were horrid. I said, never again. And I never again shared it.

But, I'm not married or have an SO. If we are talking SO here then maybe that intimacy is stronger or the care for the sufferer and what they are going through is greater. Im not sure. All I know is it blew up in my face more then once but once is enough for me to never share it again with a "supporter" in real life.

 

[scout86]

Being shown that trust is a big deal.

The fact that you get this is a big part of what makes you trustworthy. It seems like most people DON'T get it. Even my T, who is a great guy and good at his job, there are moments when i offer him a truth, that, to me,, is like serving my heart up on a platter, and he doesn't seem notice THAT part it. Because he lives in a version of reality where "trust" and "safe" coexist more easily i guess.

It just occurred to me that this is probably part of why I don't do relationships well. The other party has to be able to understand both the cost and the value of "trust" and people who actually understand it seem to be rare.

 

[Chris-duck]

The other party has to be able to understand both the cost and the value of "trust" and people who actually understand it seem to be rare.

This. Trust is usually expected after someone has been around a while and not done anything to lose that trust. Which makes sense, logically. But it's also a bit more complicated. So I guess I'd feel a bit offended if my friends didn't trust me so I get it, but it's also rarely personal.

 

[Tinyflame]

I agree @Chris-duck , that the reasons to mistrust can be impersonal, but unless it's blanket trust or mistrust afforded to all, it must be personal, no? Or there would be no choice at all. And that trust/ mistrust has to come from what our mind weighs. I think? :confused:

 

[Chris-duck]

but unless it's blanket trust or mistrust afforded to all, it must be personal, no? Or there would be no choice at all. And that trust/ mistrust has to come from what our mind weighs. I think? :confused:

To an extent, yeah. But I trust all my close friends equally. But how much trust they perceive that to be varies depending on how much trust they expect from a friendship. So it's not personal, but if you get two of my friends together and ask how much I trust them their answers would vary wildly, even though my trust in them doesn't. So that'd make it seem personal, but it's not. I dunno if that makes any sense

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes @Chris-duck thank you, it does. Makes sense now, as I (personally) don't trust any 2 people the same. Maybe because I trust them, if I do, in different ways/ about different things. The only people I trust more than my average (which is very little) would be people trusted by people I trust more already. If that makes sense. :rolleyes: ?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

For me, trust is earned from day one of knowing that person. Each person varies in my trust of them based off of their past actions. Did they keep stuff I told them to themselves? Were they there for me when needed? Things like that. Things that can seem minor are actual major trust issues for me. So, it can seem to someone like they should have equal trust when thats not the case.

That said, my trauma was from childhood and was a super major trust breaker. Those that were expected to keep me safe not only didn't but put me in a very major harms way and also did very major damage to me (physically, emotionally, verbally...in all ways) and so this will be different for all.

Once I loose all trust in you, good luck getting it back. I have lost all trust in my dad about a year ago, maybe more now, and I still do not trust him one bit. I can't even seem to trust him to take my service dog out and feed him while having surgery. I mean, zero trust. And that was lost over a year ago. He has been there for me since but it's just so hard to earn that trust back for me.

 

[Freida]

hmmm trust.

I have two people in my life I trust completely -- hubby and bestie. Both have been around for decades and have proven over and over to me that they are there for me. Everyone else? Not so much. I'm in the varying degrees crowd . I'm not even sure it's a lack of trust, I think I kind of base it on what I think they are capable of handling. When I do trust people it is usually with different things. Like I might trust person A with one thing and person B with another. Kind of convoluted when you think of it I guess.....

Once I loose all trust in you, good luck getting it back.

oh ya. You get one chance with me and if you blow it? Nope. You are dead to me. I'm really good at walking away and I don't look back. Is that harsh? Sure but...there ya have it

 

[lostforgottensoul]

ike I might trust person A with one thing and person B with another

Yes! This is what I meant when I said people had varying trust levels. The only person that I 100% trust with anything is my therapist but he had to earn that over 10 and a half years. I don't have a husband or boyfriend at this point but it would start out much the same. I trust a small bit with you at a time. As you earn my trust, I give you more and more of it. If you don't end up completely loosing my trust you slowly gain it.

You get one chance with me and if you blow it? Nope. You are dead to me. I'm really good at walking away and I don't look back.

And being that humans are failable really makes this suck. Because people are gonna f*ck up. I f*ck up. I know everyone else f*cks up. So, it's rational to say that someone that's gaining my trust can and probably will f*ck up. And if they do, they loose my trust forever (or so it seems).

It's not that I don't personally try to trust them again. I do. It just doesn't happen. Sort of sucks in that way. I, rationally anyway, know that everyone is failable and will f*ck up and, I think, this is where my looking back happens. Trying to regain trust and where that comes from. But, it's just so hard if not impossible to regain. Sort of sets supporters up to fail in my view, really.