Right now, I'm feeling: shaky and fearful concerning daring to hope for certain outcomes.
Feeling frightened to openly express what's going on, or my hopes for surgery and outcomes.
Feeling stupid for being honest with how I'm feeling.
Ashamed for being afraid, because I'm suppose to be stronger than this and have more faith.
And, dealing with lots of small spells of paranoia.
Uptight and nervous with having to wait for surgery and concerned at what cost this wait may be.
Earlier I felt a number of things, little of which I now remember other than feeling exhausted, frustrated, hot and stressed from significant errors of others. (involved a extensively, long phone call) So many of which I have to clean up.
And, earlier somewhat hostile when my psychiatrist made a thoughtless remark with him commenting: ...though that doctor made his mistake, "you don't really need your spleen." (I then assured him that I was only making a joke), but responded with, ...nor does that doctor need his arms and legs. ;)
I am having some serious trust issues concerning doctors and I am feeling afraid.