Idk what I feel. Better and worse at the same time. Like the words are hopeful, and don't apply to me, I really really don't belong, juxtaposed to people who do. Maybe one day I will belong, somewhere.
Can't believe after walking against 80 click wind and making it, bus is 25 minutes late (still waiting) and am late to get home and feed pup. Panic.
Historically lousy day, trend continues. Nurse(?) witch 'spared' my dad suffering and knocked him off early a lot of years ago. Mother's day tomorrow and said nothing for dead ones there, either. And a week since the anniversary of her death too. Should have stayed away. I get people don't get it, nor care. Sad, alone, not surprised. Tired of people who don't get it. Tired of how shitt(ier) it makes me feel. Tired of it not mattering, and I do not matter, and what's imp to me doesn't matter.
Surprised at someone's insult at the very end. I could have used support, not superiority. Rough that at least was coy her. Or they rhought I was gone.
Self-shame and regret. Painfully aware I must learn to keep my mouth shut and not fall in to trusting.
Worry about what could turn into thousands of dollars for a bill, and no car to use even after that. Because of the system it is. And it's implications and difficulties.
I'm feeling pain, and its blocking out everything else. On Tuesday on leaned over to get some wool out of a bag, stood up and pulled a muscle in my back. Its now settled in the base of my back and I don't know whats more painful; standing, sitting, lying down or walking.