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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

Just had a long talk about job prospect, options and mental health with my brother. On one hand probably needed. On the other it feels like my head is buzzing from questions and discussions and I just need to switch off for a while.
 
Deflated, overwhelmed, sad. I was going to say "stuck" too but I don't think this is true. I'm experiencing difficult emotions but they will pass and in the grand scheme of things I'm moving in the right direction. It's just so slow and it's hard not to get frustrated sometimes.
 
@leafytrees Right there with you, feeling the same things.

Also humiliated. My parents don't want to deal with me or talk about my mental health so much they asked my brother to talk to me on certain issues because they can't be bothered anymore.
Also angry.
 
Hurt. I miss my ballet family and I saw videos from their class today and everyone did so beautiful and I feel so the opposite and I miss being there and I feel heartbroken I can't return for some bit more. That I can't give an exact return deadline. That I can't go to a studio here to be in amazing shape when I return.
Life just hurts right now.
 
I'm all over the place today.

Last night shook me up a bit. I've been in the emergency services in one uniform or another for nearly half my life and I felt so useless last night at the hospital. People were coming in in need of medical assistance and I wasn't in a position to do anything. I was lying on a bed with tubes and wires all over the place, taking up space and diverting the staff's attention from actual sick people.

At one point I began tearfully apologising to the doctor for attending hospital with something I should have been able to manage myself. She was very nice about it. Little does she know the absolute torrent of tearful and snot-filled horror she narrowly avoided thanks to the timely arrival of someone who was actually ill.

So, yeah. I'm guilty, tired, embarrassed...but also loved up towards my BFF and my kids. I didn't tell Cake Girl, but I wonder how she'd have reacted?

I'm maybe just tired.
 

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