What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

[pumpkinpie]

Why confused, pumpkinpie?

Lol...I don't even know why I'd written that. It was part of something else! :confused:

 

[Bucky'sAngel]

I am so angry, and frustrated, and misunderstood, and fed up! I am tired of living in a world where mediocre is acceptable, apathy is rampant, and I am looked at as those I am the one who is wrong.

Is it too much to ask of a mortgage officer to get things right? Is it really ok for insurance companies to spy on people, invade their privacy, and exacerbate anxiety issues? Is it too much to ask a spouse to be supportive?

I think not!

 

[Bucky'sAngel]

Pumpkinpie - I so understand. It's as though the rest of the world simply doesn't give a damn.

 

[SweetPeaandSunBird]

Hi, SPSB, Can you tell me what you did during this reaction at work and what led up to it? I ask because work was really the only place I had problems that I just could not overcome, becsuse of my reactions there

Well, I teach at a university, and some students in one of my new classes (that I've never taught before) complained about not getting their essays back in a timely manner. Fair enough. So, the chair of our department asked me to meet her in her office. At the time, I didn't know why she needed me to meet her. She wasn't sitting at her desk but rather at a long table. She's approximately twenty years older than I: my inner child started adding things up: Authority figure plus a table means "I'm getting in trouble" for a "bad thing." Well, people (adults really) sitting at a table to have a discussion with me is a massive trigger for all sorts of events that occurred when I was a little girl and teen.

Oh-my-god, I lost it. My chair already knew the two students were "chronic problems" in terms of not applying themselves in other professors' classes. She was great, but it didn't matter. She was authority at a table. She reassured me not to worry about having the crying, little-girl-spaz, flashbacking in her presence. I was so lucky/am so lucky in that regard. But, the whole affair demoralized me so much that I dropped even coming to this forum.

I'm on a new med with a new psyche; I'm pulling things back together. It happened at the end of the semester when all sorts of deadlines had to be met. The stress/timing of it probably tipped me over.

Sorry if this was way more than you wanted.

May our triggers teach us things we hadn't been able to understand prior to each trigger. (((Hope for all here.)))

 

[winterose]

I'm a bit anxious about sleeping tonight. My dreams have been really bizarre the past few nights. Ill try to think of something else when I am dreaming to change the dream but it ends up looping back to where I don't want my head to be.

We did get our offer we wanted on the house so that did make me happy. More waiting to see what our lenders are going to say about the new house now. So anxious about that so I can get started on doing something! I did a list of everything needing done before moving. UGH, I shouldn't have read it now. Here's hope for all who want or need it!

 

[shoulderblades]

I stopped and answered her, but I was so angry with her rudeness and authoritative manner. I felt like dirt.

Oh gosh. That is awful the way the nurse treated you! I understand how you feel, too - rudeness and people in any kind of position of authority equals a BAD combination. It equals shutting down and feeling insignificant and worthless. I know what it's like, I struggle with this all the time. *offers big hugs*

my inner child started adding things up: Authority figure plus a table means "I'm getting in trouble" for a "bad thing."

Goodness, yes - I understand this. When I applied for a nursing course last year, there was a segment of the selection process where all candidates had to sit with a couple of candidate selectors and answer questions. No big deal. But when I walked into the room, saw three people sitting at the long table and saw one empty chair on the other side of the table for me, I instantly went into panic mode. I was unable to stop intrusive thoughts about being told off, belittled, scolded, told I was a bad person, told I was stupid. I was shaky and close to fainting the whole time.

And of course, the questions I was asked were really benign and utterly non-confrontational (one such question I was asked: "what are your thoughts on how nursing is portrayed on TV?" As you can see, completely benign!) Though I felt relief at how non-confrontational the questions were, I was an emotional wreck and I cried afterwards in the bathroom, and it took me a long while to calm down and to stop shaking and trembling. The point of my anecdote is: I understand so much!!!!!! *offers lots of hugs*

Anyway, what am I feeling today...? I am feeling dull, spaced out and anxious. I am dull and spaced out because my Seroquel has been upped to 100mg and I have slept a damn lot since last night, but I can feel an undercurrent of anxiety. My stomach is churning a bit and my heart feels like it's beating a bit too fast. I keep having sudden moments of dread, where my stomach will "drop", if that makes sense, but there's nothing I can think of that would make me feel dread. I don't know why I'm experiencing this dread feeling. I have no idea what I'm feeling anxious about. It just seems to be a state of being. It's very tiring because it's making me tense everywhere in my body.

 

[Annicus]

Today I feel as if I get more support through online forums than I do from my wife.

That makes me feel like she doesn't even care.

 

[pumpkinpie]

Oh gosh. That is awful the way the nurse treated you! I understand how you feel, too - rudeness and people in any kind of position of authority equals a BAD combination. It equals shutting down and feeling insignificant and worthless. I know what it's like, I struggle with this all the time.

*tiny prayer*: dear God please let me do this quote & post thing right this time! TY for the hugs. The thing is, I KNOW that I'm overreacting, but that doesn't help. I used to be able to hide that hurt or humiliation, even as recently as 4 years ago, despite having had bad PTSD symptoms since childhood. I think I know what it
is - until then, I usually had people at work, friends, a boyfriend et cet who I knew had my back. Supported me because they knew I wasn't nuts and that if I was upset there was a good reason for it. And they would stick up for me. So much has changed in the past 8-10 years, and the most traumatic things, at least as I perceive them, have been in the past 4-5 years.

Up until 3 years ago, I had been working in positions requiring the education, experience, and intelligence that clumsy nurse could never even hope to have. It wasn't until I said a couple medical terms, that she probably didn't understand, that she started to back off a little.

No, I don't have anyone that can go to medical appointments with me. And I have had so many incredibly awful experiences with medical personel in the past few years, I DO want to have someone with me. The only times these rotten comments and the bad treatment have occurred is when I was alone with someone. I'm terrified of going to any medical appointments. Only once in the past 2 years was I able to have someone with me. I will eventually write about my more recent past in my diary on here.

I'm just so mad and embarrassed that I can't respond like a normal human being in these situations. Cripe, 5 years ago, I was working in the medical clinic of a really big, really rough county jail. It wasn't the inmates there that bothered me - their behavior is pretty much proscribed and watched, and if someone mouthed off at me, it was, "back to your cell"! Lol...I'm getting all worked up here, I'll never fall asleep - it's 3:15 am and I'm going to get up and make some tea...sigh...

 

[pumpkinpie]

[Today I feel as if I get more support through online forums than I do from my wife. ]

Sometimes it works...sometimes it doesn't!

Hahaa...me TOO! I mean, I ONLY get support in any really meaningful kind of way, from my therapist-shrink-lady, and from other "sufferers" on here. I think that's because nobody else knows what the heck we're talking about. When someone else says they're anxious, they most likely mean that they have some butterflies in the tummy, or couldn't fall asleep for an hour last night. They can't imagine multiplying that by about a thousand, which might equate to what we mean when we say we're anxious.

 

[pumpkinpie]

I'm on a new med with a new psyche; I'm pulling things back together. It happened at the end of the semester when all sorts of deadlines had to be met. The stress/timing of it probably tipped me over.

Sorry if this was way more than you wanted.

Not at all, SPSB. Thank you SO much! I have never, ever heard of anyone else reacting in exactly the way I do, to exactly the same kind of thing. You can't imagine how relieved I just felt as I read that!

 

[Traumagirl]

I'm still shaken up from last night. My father was late in picking my 6 year old and 8 year old from Karate last night. So, they decided to walk home on busy roads in the dark. He couldn't find them when he showed up. Luckily the police spotted them on the road and drove them home. I was terrified. I thought he lost my babies. I cried for an hour afterwards. It's the only time that my kids have seen me cry. I don't think they'll try that again.

I'm not sure if I can trust my father again. He was no use helping when I was a kid (never stopped the abuse) and he's proving to be similar with my kids.

 

[ms spock]

I am feeling pleased that I went to see my psychriatrist in Sydney today.

I went for a boogie board. That was good.

I enjoyed my class.

We all went for a dip in the ocean together and that was felt refreshing.