What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

[Pencil]

Don't worry about the worthless, stupid, failure or standing on your feet right now. Worry about the panic :roflmao:. I'm laughing at myself for making such a stupid statement - and I decided against editing as a smile, at my stupidity, might just help. Although I know how panic can hijack one, I wonder what there is you can do that would help. You tell me.

 

[zaniara]

Worry about the panic :roflmao:

:D :D :D

SEE! Now I'm laughing instead! :) Thank you my friend! And yes, I did worry more about the panic.. ;) And now I feel: PROUD to have defeated those old demons, just for once!

Now I'm tired, but a little bit less anxious.. Not feeling as useless as I did one hour ago! :)

 

[Pencil]

Great, I always find worrying about the panic very relaxing and helpful :hug: Glad the letter is done and you are feeling better.

 

[zaniara]

always find worrying about the panic very helpful

I will try that the next time I panic! :D :hug:

 

[GreenFrog2]

I felt afraid. Not worried or unhappy or uncertain about the future, but the rapid-heart-rate, holding-my-breath, tense muscles kind of afraid.

Hi pumpkinpie - I feel like this most mornings! I have been sleeping pretty well lately, and don't remember if I dream / nightmare, which is good for me. I used to think that if I could get 7-8 hours of sleep a night then I would be doing OK.

I am getting between 6 and 8 hours and it is helping, but as soon as I wake up I sink into a sad, sad mood and have these physical reactions. am not sure if it is from not- remembered dreams or becasue I have woken up and have to deal with the day ahead and live with myself.

I tried moving my phone but that didn't really help. Even though I recognized that the reason was that I had been stirring up stuff by writing on here, I still seemed to be afraid of the phone itself!

I think that technology exacerbates this reaction in me if it is near me when I sleep - like a reminder of what I have been talking about, and have been processing. So now I don't have my phone or laptop near my bed - or my journal! I think this has helped lessen my nightmares as I rarely do anything on the forum or in my journal in the evenings now. But I do lots of listening to my meditation recordings and am sure that this has been a good cause for my sleep improving.

 

[GreenFrog2]

Having been up for an hour and a half and spent most of that time trying to be "not sad and frightened" and to develop a "being in the present" state of mind I can say that I have been partially successful.

I feel a tiny bit confidant that I can get through today without wild mood swings and fears. I have some work to do and then I will be journaling and processing - probably family stuff...... hope that I can keep myself grounded when doing this!

 

[KP the nut]

I'm feeling that I am back to 'normal', whatever that is.

 

[SweetPeaandSunBird]

unsettled but maintaining

 

[GreenFrog2]

Falling apart and hanging in there - god it is so hard to just keep myself together when all that I want (and need) to do is rest, rest, rest.

Another day of damaging myself so that I can keep on living. Walk didn't help and neither has journal so far - might have to leave it for today as not coping with anything at all.

Feeling stupid and useless.

 

[Queen Boudica]

That I am at some kind of turning point. I've gone over everything that happened to my sister over the weekend, re-read the coroner's report, the letters between me and her, thought about our childhood, looked up the meds and understand it all better and clearer.

It has led me to finally believe (I hope it is finally and I no longer get pulled into the guilt) that I was not responsible, that I should never have been made responsible or to feel guilty and selfish and a monster. It was my mother's who owned the guilt. I tried to help as best I could and I just couldn't because I was too damaged and because they would have pulled me under. I had to stay away from them.

My sister wrote me that I was a monster, subhuman, that I was arrogant and selfish and I was worse than my mother and when I had children I would be a monster of a mother and my kids would be even worse. Think I have had that in my head for so long along with all the other constant insults and belittling from my mother. They were both extremely damaged, mentally ill and would throw anything at me to get their way. It wasn't true.

My sister's life was tragic and I feel awful about that but it wasn't my responsibility. Feeling that way turns me into a bad mother. It was never true. I did the best I could. I can only do the best I can with the knowledge I have at the time and that is what I must try and do and get over the feelings that I am so horrible because I never was.

 

[GreenFrog2]

Feeling rolling anxiety attacks - afraid of everything. It's really hurtful for me to be so aware of my warped thinking and to see how it has led me to where I am - and I still can't stop hanging onto it.

I suspect that for a short period of time it did protect me - but since that time it has been totally destructive and I know this - but I still keep hanging onto it.

What happens to me if I let it go and follow my good thinking and that does not work either!!!!!!???????????

Feeling to scared to do anything - enen think, let alone act.

 

[goingonhope]

Mixed manageable emotions earlier, then shock and sadness followed now by numbness.