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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

Had a restless night, so many feelings coming up, just tossed and turned all evening long. I kept replaying some of the words and actions that my counselor had told me over the years. The last time we saw each other was quite significant to me in so many ways. I'm glad it happened the way it did, as it is such a reminder of what I overlooked about her. I also have her last e-mail to me which I was able to address something that she had said to me.

What I'm dealing with and always overlooked was the guilt that I would feel if I spoke up to her. I could not tell her what I was thinking/feeling because she was a recovering alcoholic Catholic nun. In a sense I have, because I do not have to see her again, as I need to have my own identity without feeling that guilt that came along with seeing her.
 
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I feel grateful that I am not in any pain and that my anxieties are low and within my control. Depression is also "under control" and I am counting this as 'major' among my many blessings. :angelic:

I am feeling a great sense of inner peace and calmness. It has been a cool, fall day and I am loving the change in the weather. Family has been supportive and all is good at home, ...not sure what more I could possibly ask for. I am happy :happy: and feel :playful: care-free.

Sending out healing hugs to all who are suffering/struggling today!!! :hug:

My best to all,
Lion
 
Terror. More than my general anxiety and lack of safety but a pervasive sense of dread that everything is dangerous, even the air around me and I just want, no, I need it to stop but nothing can or will help. I want to tear my skin off and scream with how scared I am and I want to be rational and realise that my fears aren't real but something feels so unbelievably bad - I've recognised and/or name this before and terror is the only way to describe it. It's exhausting and unending. I wish I was somewhere - anywhere else and I wish I felt safe, that my fears would calm and warmth would return to me. I just need time and space alone. When I stop fearing the most basic elements of the environment around me, then I will make a more helpful step.
 
I'm in shock, trying to process what just happened.

My brother called me. I heard his voice for the first time since 2011. We kinda just stopped after mom's death and then he had all these health problems and people where he was living were making living arrangements for him. It's hard to have a normal conversation when he is telling you again about his funeral arrangements.

Oh well, and we even got to do what we do best, talk about our sister whom was my mother's golden child. Just don't know how or what I'm supposed to feel like after not talking to him after all this time, but glad that he called.
 
Feeling pretty exhausted and drained after a full day painting with a social group. It's not what I am used to and I don't usually paint in a group, but I'm glad I went, as it did get me more excited, and also out of the house so I'm being productive in a way that I find fun instead of moping and sitting around being traumatized. I made some nice contacts and shared stories with women there. Got to see the teacher in a new light and felt a growing respect for her.

I'm glad to be home now though, so I can paint in peace, with no one else distracting me. It was a bit crazy...someone even brought her pet parrot...which was VERY distracting. :D
 
I'm feeling stupidity, impatience and irritability today.

This past week has been overwhelming with various unusual symptoms (sometimes extreme) and illness, both medical and psychiatric. This morning I woke up and my eye sockits were so puffed up and (and my left eye especially distorted looking) that I looked like I had just been beaten up.

I also shared a greater facial resemblance to some of my relatives (my mother and members of extended family for which I too often have greatly feared).

Noticing this was frightening and uncomfortable and now makes me additionally uncomfortable saying so here. (I feel selfish and bad to reveal or put into words these thoughts, as well as, my general thoughts).

I still don't know what is causing this swelling.
 
Could it be an allergy? I know I'm allergic to peanuts and tree nuts and if I eat pistachios my eyes swell for sometimes 2 days. I hope you feel better soon.

Thank you, BlackbirdSinging.

It could be I suppose, I don't know for sure. Perhaps its my mold allergy. Some doctors have me confused because they're not taking my concern with this allergy and its symptoms as seriously as I have. It gets dismissed and yet it makes me quite ill with other symptoms which I believe are related.
 

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