What Are You Proud Of?

[trapped]

Thank you anthony- for your support and validation of the paranoid statements.

Today I'm proud of myself for continuing to post on this thread. I've found that it seems to already be helping me counteract some of the negative, self-defeating "I can't do anything write" thoughts that I often have. I'm proud of myself for resisting the urge to start this off with an apology for having posted on it every day for the past couple days, but it's really helped me- and posting it in this thread here seems to be more effective than me doing it in a journal at home. Because doing it at home, no one else can see if I haven't written anything. Even if no one reads what I post up here, that is okay because it still makes me feel somehow more accountable, and as a result I'm beginning to identify some positive qualities that I have, instead of viewing myself in a negative, distorted way.

I am proud that I was able to interact with my roommates a bit more today- even though it was mostly just saying hi and a quick 2 minute small talk chat, it is more than I have done this whole month.

I am proud that I was able to get out of the house again, and also go for a swim in my pool, followed by laying in the sun for 20 minutes. 20 minutes of sun a day seems to help lift my mood and decrease the anxiety, swimming decreases the anxiety and boosts my confidence as well. I am also proud that I listened to my body when it said my shoulder was hurting, and did not push myself too hard.

Father's day was a difficult day for me as some painful memories surfaced, but I took care of myself by allowing myself to have an easy day. I had some plans and a friend canceled on me, but this time I was able to not take it personally, which was a huge step for me to be okay not just with a sudden change in my schedule, but with being able to realize I did not have to beat myself up over it, as it was a change in her plans that caused her to cancel, and not necessarily anything to do with me being a repulsive person.

I was able to take a risk and trust someone. And it had a positive result, instead of the negative one that I feared.

 

[trapped]

I am proud of myself. I am proud that I was able to recognize and acknowledge some of my strengths today. I gave a friend swimming lessons, and for the first time in a long time, I felt good at something. I was able to remember positive comments that others had made about me. I was able to remember horrible situations I've been in, like being in the psych hospital, and how I not just survived through those horrible experiences, but thrived (like last summer, I wanted to be in the psych hospital and went voluntarily, though I freaked out once they finished the paperwork because I got scared by some of the other patients and wanted to leave- at that point, they wouldn't let me leave, it was BS, and it was so horrible at first, and they tried to put my on a 5150, but then they canceled that and sent me home early when I started having a ton of fun doing arts and crafts and karaoke and swimming... yeah, it was fun, I even got to go swimming, and the nurse in charge of the swimming activities let me go every time she took a group out, tho technically I wasn't supposed to get to go that often, no one complained about it, and she said I was a great swimmer, and she knew I loved the water, and she hated the water, so it worked out best for both of us). I am proud that today I was able to realize that while I may not be the best at everything, or while I may not even be good at everything, I am good at some things, and I really enjoy those things, even if I'm not perfect at them, and that's really all that matters... and I've been through a lot, and have survived it, and I'm proud of myself for realizing that no matter what curve balls life throws at me, I may get knocked down from time to time, but I'll always be able to get back up and get through whatever it is.

 

[trapped]

I did not confine myself to my bed today, like I felt like doing most the morning and especially in the afternoon. I made it through a really horrible dissociative episode. I made it through horrible feelings of derealization, which were stupidly somewhat traumatic to experience, especially when I stupidly got scared that they would never go away. One of my friends is an EMT and he was working the psych shift today. I called him this afternoon crying, asking if he could come pick me up and take me wherever they take all their other calls, and told him how it felt like I was going crazy and like I'd never be able to think and interact 'normally' again. He told me I was stressed and just had the medication I had taken earlier today messing with me, he encouraged me to email my doc, take a nap, and then do something fun for myself and that he'd come over once he was off his shift late tonight... that's exactly what I did do. And I managed just fine. I even had fun today. I met up with a new friend and didn't get as anxious about it this time, and was able to walk 13.1 miles with that friend today- which felt really really great.

 

[Shoka]

I'm proud that I got myself to work today after waking up feeling very depressed.

 

[Let It Be]

I am proud that there are times when I just feel "free" and I want to do the happy dance.

It's like for a brief moment I am not feeling anxious about not having a job, how long will my money last, and I just have that feeling come over me.

I am proud of what I have done and it is a lighter feeling, not so heavy, and know that I am getting stronger, that I am making my choices, and I'm moving forward. I have to keep telling myself that at times...

 

[Mina]

I am proud of myself for coming to some realizations on my own, which my T had been hoping I would do.

I am proud of myself for knowing the truth and turning my back on the half-truths which were handed to me for so many years.

 

[LoveWins]

Im proud that I managed to trust a man enough to form a relationship soon after my trauma. Im proud that our relationship has been strong for 4 years now. Im proud that last year I managed to get married

Im proud that Ive managed to avoid the trap of drugs or drink to escape, and that Im looking to the future and basically staying strong (with a lot of help from my husband)

Now, for all the other stuff...

 

[liv now]

I am proud of Myself for not giving up on me no matter how hard things have got or who has stopped believing in me.

 

[amethist]

I am proud of my man. :kiss:

Amethist

 

[trapped]

I haven't drank at all today. Normally I'd drink til I passed out so that I wouldn't have to deal with this ****ing holiday. I come from a strong military background and am all for celebrating the 4th of July- but what moron decided fireworks were a necessary part of that celebration? Why couldn't it be something else, like... i don't know, ANYTHING else.... but I haven't hurt myself today, haven't drank, I guess overall even though I'm scared and feel like shit, I'm doing okay, and this is a huge accomplishment for me.

 

[Grama-Herc]

I am proud of the kind of person I am becoming.

 

[amethist]

Good for you Trapped.

It's a tough thing to control is drinking. So even one day with out it is an achievement.

Amethist