What Are You Recovering For?

[Friday]

I'm ADHD. That's a life-long disorder that will always have the same symptom set, and they never vary in intensity. It might be a Tigger of a disorder (bouncy, pouncy, trouncy, flouncy fun-fun-fun-FUN), but it's still not going anywhere. The entire name of the game is to accentuate the strengths, minimize the negatives, shore up weaknesses, & figure out work arounds for absolutely everything else.

So when I first got my ass kicked with PTSD? That's what I did, there, too. Aaaaaaaalright! How can we work with this bitch?!?

A big part that helped, was that symptoms were drop dead normal with the group of guys I was working with. Pretty much everyone either had it, or had aspects of it. LOL Also, our motto? Improvise, adapt, & overcome. ;) Shrug. So that's what we did. Most of the time fast & dirty.

It wasn't until I left the military that things went really sideways. So I kept playing. Kept f*cking with the parts that bugged me, kept trying to find work arounds, strengths, weaknesses.

To my great surprise... This shit? Is reactive as hell. We can totally manipulate symptoms. I'm soooo not used to that. I'm used to "What we've got to work with is what we've got to work with!"

Eventually I figured out coping mechanisms that worked, then healthy coping mechanisms to replace rabidly unhealthy ones, then how to balance my life out so there were virtually no symptoms whatsoever.

What am I recovering for? The first time because I didn't know there was another option. Have a problem? Handle it. This time because I've done it before. If I did it before? I can do it again.

 

[Tinyflame]

Good for you @FridayJones . :tup: :hug:

I (or at least now) don't think I can recover. However, I would like to go back to how I lived before. Not as the same person, but with a certain degree of avoidance or denial & frankly over-extending myself (which I do now mostly anyway, but rather change what I over-extend myself with). I like what you said about with the guys you worked with it was normal. There are certain places/ lifestyles where it isn't trying to shove a square peg in a round hole.

 

[Friday]

@Junebug <chuckling> In the new format my avatar has become a square peg in a round hole! LOL Also known as WARNING sign. Ha. I think it's pretty apt. Warning : Prone to Combust

 

[Tinyflame]

I like it @FridayJones , always did. :)

I should make mine a black hole :dead::roflmao:

 

[ground crew]

I only became aware my symptoms were consistent with PTSD about 10 years ago, on the VA web site. I tried working it myself. I got the complex or multi trauma kind. I had no idea i was weird as I had always had these symptoms from early childhood. I did what I do with an interesting new idea, I researched it. I worried over the situation and solutions. I eventually wound up homeless, hopeless and very very depressed about three years ago. The VA picked me up and dusted me off. I got EMDR and CBT, I studied mindfulness and meditation. I am better but not yet whole. I am still working it for the simple reason I am BETTER! life is BETTER! I can envision a FUTURE! I may find that I can experience LOVE!

 

[Tinyflame]

Good for you @groundcrew. :tup: That is a sweet avatar btw (that is love. :) )

 

[ground crew]

this is a picture of my dog which past a year ago. Of old age. He had mega childhood trauma before I got him at about 4 months of age. I spent a lot of time trying to get him socialized. I was at it for 3 years before he was calm if not happy around people and other dogs, he never got over his early childhood completely. But he got better. He was my model for self healing (which didn't work worth a darn). I observed that as the traumas receded into the past and were not repeated the dog became more comfortable. That and the natural aging process slowed him down, particularly in the end. He was never whole, but he got a whole lot better. I miss that dog.

 

[Tinyflame]

Aw dear @ground crew , so difficult. :( Yes I thought that might be so looking at his eyes. I (my sister more so) have a German Shepard rescue from terrible abuse. I have tried to follow her too but I've failed.

 

[sun seeker]

I want to ask, what are you are recovering for?

Good question. For me, the motivation is a sense that everything is interconnected and the healthier I can be, the healthier the whole, if only a little bit. That includes a sense of the interconnectedness of different lifetimes (I believe in reincarnation). I don't want to walk this path again so I keep putting one foot in front of the other to do the best I can in this life. Grudgingly, some days.

 

[ground crew]

So, I just reread what I wrote. I wrote that I learned from my dog to stay in a safe place and eventually I wouldn't be so jumpy. to rephrase:I learned to self isolate. This may be the core reason my self treatment failed. And yes, I can feel love, thanks for pointing that out. I have 2 kids, one grown and one entering the 6th grade, the love boarders on the extreme for these two. But aren't all our feelings blunted or exaggerated? In fact, the dog is my son's dog, he loved it for one day and then it was my dog. And I knew he was going to be a hot mess..... but yes, he was loved. The lad is loved and my little girl is loved in a real way that I am often clumsy expressing. ask any of my exe's.....

 

[dougyhowzer]

I am recovering so that I can live a real meaningful life that enriches and blesses others and that brings a sense of joy to myself as well .

To do that means I have to continue to make decisions that are best for my recovery .

That partly meant abandoning and forsaking all the toxic relationships that led me to losing 30 years of my life and being diagnosed with Major depression and complex PTSD .

It also means continuing my therapy for however long it takes , and continue to heal from the effects of my traumatic childhood .

 

[Chava]

I want to want to take better care of myself so I don't end up on disability. I want to feel more comfortable and function more in some space between extremes of overdrive and numb.

Also, I want to be able to have some closer connections or meaningful relationships...just connect with other humans better. I'd even be fine being single forever but just knowing I have some friends and can manage giving and receiving support and just being able to have fun. I don't want to feel good all the time. I just don't want to feel like my whole life was lost.