What Are You Thinking?

[Definitely..maybe]

I haven't found a thread like this, please correct me/this thread if I'm wrong!

I feel like with ptsd our thoughts are everywhere. I know sometimes I have really inspiring thoughts that keep me going and other times I have epiphanies in my darkest moments.

So what are you thinking about?

 

[Tympre]

How futile it feels after being on several medications and going through intensive group therapies and I am not doing better. Today I have been shaking like a leaf most of the day and feeling like the worlds going to end. I am tired of the fear. I cant seem to escape it. I get overwhelmed easily today just like I was when I was in the hospital. I am thinkingtoday what is the point to even trying to find things that will help, either it will fail me, will fail it, or people will hurt me again so it will start all over.

 

[Definitely..maybe]

Today I wish I was in the hospital, where people could physically *see* how badly I was struggling. That everyone would be trying to fix things and make it better. It's a juvenile thought- I know!!

I'm so sorry @Tympre , we are all here to listen and try our best to help you through this horrible time :hug:

 

[Tympre]

Its really nice to know there are more people than just me out there that go through this. I too wished I was in the hospital where people could see. I also wish it could all be made better. I would wonder if we did not feel this way. I am sorry you are having a struggle today as well. One thing this has taught me is there are definitely things I would never wish even my worst enemy to go through. This is one of them.

 

[keifer]

PTSD is like an invisible war. Only those in it, can see it. The rest of the world has no idea it's going on.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

I'm thinking I hate Facebook. It's so horrible, it's like the only way of hinting at people that I am not doing so great. I mean this way, I get to hint it. If I have to call them, or mail them personally, I'll be throwing my problems right at them. Don't want to do that, it'll scare them off. But on the other hand, if I put even a bit of my problems on Facebook, then Facebook will know forever that I have issues and I can wave goodbye any sense of privacy and being normal. :banghead:

I'll post a more positive thought the next time :p

 

[EverOnly358]

Today I have been shaking like a leaf most of the day and feeling like the world's going to end. I am tired of the fear. I can't seem to escape it.

@Tympre, I'm so sorry you're going through a difficult time (I've been there, too... :eek: and it'll probably happen again here soon enough). The only thing that helps me in moments like that is to remember that everything changes. It feels so horrible now, but it won't last, it won't. :hug: Hugs, if you'd like some. Hang in there!

Today I wish I was in the hospital, where people could physically *see* how badly I was struggling. That everyone would be trying to fix things and make it better. It's a juvenile thought- I know!!

@Definitely..maybe, This is a great idea for a thread. So often, I feel things that no one surrounding me can understand, so I lock those thoughts and feelings inside... but then I want to SCREAM... but I have to be normal, y'know, so I walk around like a mouse. :cautious: It's exhausting. Thanks for giving us a place to get it all out. And I understand about the hospital thing... it's like, how is it possible that everyone around me/us/you can't see how hard this all is? Why can't other people see? Why are they ignoring how horrible things are!? :hug: Hugs, too, you're not alone.

Today I'm feeling pretty balanced and centered... but I don't actually like this feeling, it's so weird and not normal for me. I've spent my whole life up and down and spinning around... so being zen is hard. I'm also worried about how crazy I am... I'm pretty f-ing crazy. And I wonder if I'll remember these thoughts and feelings or if I'll forget. It's all too scary today. Sorry if this doesn't make sense... not much in my head makes sense to anyone, especially me! :confused:

@keifer, that's so true!

@Radise, I think it's good to express whatever you're thinking. It's all good. Unlike on Facebook, here everyone understands. :joyful:

 

[LilBit]

Hmmm, Radise, my sufferer HATES Facebook. Thinks it is just of the devil. A place for people to get themselves in trouble. Too easy to hook up with old flames or the wrong people. Which I say you will do regardless if that is in your heart. But my sufferer thinks is just too easily facilitated by Facebook. PLUS the constant barrage of input is exactly what my sufferer cannot handle. Everything I enjoy about it is the reason that she hates it!

 

[Definitely..maybe]

@EverOnly358 thank you, I'm glad to have a place to post my thoughts now too rather than starting a new thread for all of them:p

@Radise I had to stop using Facebook for safety reasons, and I honestly didn't want to see any positive things from my abuser. Even though he's blocked I didn't want to see our mutual friends posts (and he creates multiple accounts to see my stuff.) crazy! But no worries, if they don't get it you don't have to hint to us, just tell us everything! We're here for you:)

 

[Definitely..maybe]

Last night I had a pretty bad fall when walking somewhere with my dad, I went into flashback mode and kept screaming for him not to touch me (he was trying to help me up/ see if I was okay, etc). I'm so grateful for that because after he said 'I can read all I can about ptsd but just seeing how a fall but actually hearing how scared your voice got, how real all this is, when you should have been in pain physically'. I might not have put that all perfectly, but I'm always happy when someone understands a little more.

 

[Jane.l]

I am thinking I really need to self harm and I have been fighting not to since yesterday but it has an inevitable feeling about it and I think not doing it is just prolonging the pain - I know that makes no sense

 

[Definitely..maybe]

I wish I could not eat for days instead of comfort eating!