What Can Managers/ Co-workers Do To Help?

[PTSD and Me]

Hi everyone,

I work in Human Resources and I have PTSD. In October, I am scheduled to give 2 presentations to employers about what it's like to be an employee with PTSD and how managers and coworkers who want to help might be able to do that. For me, sometimes having someone who is willing to shoot the breeze with me for a few minutes might stave off an anxiety attack, people who approach me gently with the intent of trying not to startle me are greatly appreciated, and anyone who asks if I'm ok is aces in my book.

I would like to be able to give a more rounded view of employees with PTSD in the workplace than just my own experience though. Does anyone have anything they wish they could tell/ask coworkers, whether they are things to do or things not to do?

I'm looking forward to your thoughts!

 

[Barberian]

For me, when I was still working, If it was obvious I was trying to isolate myself to "regroup", for people to just give me space until I rejoined the activities.

No loud banging or noises including those pathetic Iphone speakers that push out 1000db of treble and no midrange or bass.

An understanding that yes I may be taking a few more breaks then most people, but I will get my work done on time with quality even if I have to stay late on my own time.

There may be times I have(had) to ask for instructions on a particular project more than once because I was having difficulty staying focused (note taking helped, but not always). Speaking of which, if the task can be outlined in a note, it can be very helpful, including deadlines.

Phones... personally they are my bane. If they could be assigned to another person, all the better. The conversation without visual feedback is unbearable. The constant disruption to my train of thought, unbearable.

Sorry I can't be more helpful. I went from being able to work to not being able to work in a short time.

 

[PTSD and Me]

That's very helpful, Barberian, thanks for your input. I agree that having things written down helps me too. And I feel for you on the phones, I have a tough time when I have a lot of phone calls coming in at once. My anxiety level skyrockets every time the damn thing beeps and I just want to run away and hide.

 

[p-no]

(...) anyone who asks if I'm ok is aces in my book.

I would say the opposite here: don't ask, just treat me normal if you notice I am not having a good day or something may be wrong. Sometimes I have a hard time holding up throughout the work day and I might not continue to do so if asked if I'm okay. I have an extremely hard time with "lying", including white lies. I grew up with people who changed reality as they pleased to whatever they wanted it to be; for once I want people to be honest and I want to be able to be honest without someone telling me off or reacting in a way I know so well. I can't just say: yeah, I'm okay when I am not. I have to put energy into doing so and I can't do that when I don't have enough to pull myself together.

Other than that:

• Be clear in what you would like, no beating about the bush. If you'd like me to not do this and that, say "please don't do this and that". I don't get offended easily at all by truth and directness.
• Be accepting when I ask little things several times. No need to fake any happiness about it ;) But accept it and wait for the results of my work to judge.
• I have no problem at all with phones in any way, but with getting startled (thumps mainly, or doors slamming, etc.)
• Be polite.
• Be aware that I have a lot to give and I do give a lot (quality and personal dedication). When I do go home on time and say that I can not stay longer, it is because I CAN NOT stay longer (most likely the reason is PTSD symptoms than having an appointment or so).
• Don't interrupt while I'm on the phone or talking to someone else and request something. Wait till the person there first has finished (or the call) OR send me an e-mail.
• As Barberian said: give me space (be)for(e) (re)grouping.

Hope this helps! Great you were asked to do this. I wish, people were this aware of PTSD (and other disorders) and would treat them with openness here. So many, many taboos in my country...

All the best for your presentations!

 

[maddog]

Personally, I think it's really difficult, and potentially risky, to try to come up with a one-size-fits-all list of dos and don'ts for PTSD. As has been shown even in this thread thus far, we are all different, and what is great for one person may be triggering or otherwise distressing for another.

I think the key message needs to be to encourage clear and open dialogue between the PTSD-sufferer and his/her colleagues and management. In this way, the key issues of priority for the sufferer can be negotiated to a mutually acceptable degree, the sufferer has the chance to feel heard and respected, colleagues and managers have opportunities to ask questions, clarify issues and propose solutions of their own, and all parties can work together to customise a reality that will be as good as it can be for everyone.

I in no way mean to criticise either the original question or any of the responses, just to emphasise that while we are all doubtless aware that each situation is different, the general population are notorious for generalising about minority groups, and the last thing we would ever want to do would be to create the perception that absolutely everyone with PTSD thinks and feels in a certain way and requires the same accommodations in the workplace or anywhere else.

Really, really commend the initiative though, and your willingness to educate. I think that educating others about our reality is actually a really healthy and empowering goal to aim for if you are able and willing, so good luck with the presentations.

Maddog

 

[PTSD and Me]

Thank you for your thoughts, Maddog. My initial thinking was that I would emphasize how we are all different and the best thing is to encourage an open dialogue. But being only one person with one set of experiences, I did want to see what others prefer. I started by putting my preferences out there, but probably should have made it clearer that I know others would not feel the same way I do. For example, while I appreciate someone asking if I'm ok, I will always say yes. No matter how badly things are going. But the fact that they ask leads me to think that someone has noticed and might care. The difference between me and prime-no is that it doesn't cost me anything to say I'm ok, and the offer of a hand, even if I don't take it, means something to me.

I'm still interested in hearing people's thoughts and experiences. The best thing, I think, would be if I can substantiate my assertion that we are all different with anecdotal evidence such as I am gaining here. I thank you all so much for contributing to the success of this project and hope it will help make the world a slightly better place for all of us. We could use it!

 

[maddog]

Well, for me, a big one is to reassure everyone that PTSD is, by its very nature, an unpredictable and volatile disorder, and at different times they are likely to observe me experiencing all sorts of things, leading to a variety of different behaviours and emotions, some of which may be very distressing to an onlooker, and many of which will be confusing, seemingly without explanation and will lead to huge and unheralded changes in me.

Above all, don't panic. I will not die from distress, fear or disorientation. What I need most is for people to be calm, supportive, respectful, to stay with me if I ask them to or to help me to leave a particular environment if I ask them to. People are often more afraid of PTSD than anything else, afraid of what may happen to us and convinced we are in real danger of some permanent injury or defect. Reassuring them to the contrary and reminding people that they are mostly transient states from which I will emerge, has seemed to make a big difference with some of my colleagues.

Really helps to explain what are triggers/stressors etc, how they work and how they can affect me.

Also, a relatively quiet uncongested work space is helpful. And pressure, time or task wise, is very difficult and is unlikely to do good things for me, so should be avoided unless absolutely necessary.

Maddog

 

[Zef]

I did something like this after returning to work after checking myself into a crisis outpatient program for a few weeks. . .may have been a bit easier for me because I am management, but this is what worked pretty well for me.

I started by mentioning some of the PTSD stereotypes out there and dispelling them. People are worried, at some level, that we are a walking postal worker ready to shoot the workplace up if we snap. People need a little reassurance that won't happen.

Then I kept things pretty fact-based. Email me when you need something so I have a record of your request. Ways to not startle me. That we can be impacted by loud noises or chaos. My crew are mostly engineers, so I tried to explain PTSD by describing how the brain with PTSD works differently than a regular old-fashioned brain. Also, that they should have the same performance expectations of me and not walk on eggshells around me.

It was a very tough decision for me to go public, but when I did, I found that almost everyone was supportive and I had 3-4 people open up to me privately afterward about their own diagnoses.

Anyway, good luck with your presentations. I think you are doing a great thing by agreeing to do this.

 

[PTSD sufferer]

I think talking about the generic stuff of the illness is what should be in a presentation. I don't think a list of dos and donts would really help, as everyone is triggered by different things. I would probably say that when something happens that causes me distress, I will let you know and I would appreciate it if I was listened to at this time.

One of the primary traumas I have is work related, and rarely trust other people with personal information. It is also hard for other people to modify their behaviours and control their emotions. I was in a awful situation though, and I mentioned behaviours I did not like and they increased, instead of decreased. But, for me many of the listed points are 'common courtesy' and 'good manners' items - what has the world come to to loose common courtesy?

 

[PTSD and Me]

Thank you all for your contributions. One of these presentations is going to be for a large group of clinicians and other medical workers, so they will probably be more familiar with what PTSD is and isn't from a clinical perspective than I will. I don't intend to present a list of dos and don'ts since they can't be expected to work for everyone. It sounds like what I am hearing the most in these threads is that we would like the opportunity to explain for ourselves what helps and what hinders, and have that respected.

I agree that a lot of times when you ask for common courtesies in the workplace, you seem to end up with more BS than you had before. Presently, I am in a situation where my manager has deliberately triggered my PTSD for years. She has been spoken to about it over and over, and now that I have said I can't take it anymore, they are willing to let me go. Not her. She has abused and bullied everyone in our workplace for years and now that they have multiple claims of hostile work environment and one substaniated claim of disability discrimination, they want to cut me loose. It's not fair, but I guess I would rather be rejected for who I am then accepted for someone I am not. Even if it costs me a job. Maybe there's something better out there waiting for me. If anyone has any other thoughts about what they would say to a group of managers & coworkers if they had the opportunity to be on a stage, please let me know. I will use this information to try to speak for as many of us as I can. Love to all of you, my brothers and sisters!