What Did I Do To Deserve This?

[wanderer]

I don't know how many people have asked themselves this, but I frequently find myself thinking about this. I just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time when 25% of my body was burned by fire, but I keep wondering, am I a bad person? Was my life too good that somebody decided that I should learn my place?

I'm an engineer so my brain just works like that: everything has a cause and effect, and in this case, I can't help but attempt to extend this to supernatural causes. God decided to punish me, though I'm agnostic, and I don't know know why he would bestow something so cruel on me.

If you have gone through this, whether you are religious or not, how did you deal with this?

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh dear @wanderer , no one deserves that, bad things happen to good people because bad things happen to everyone. I hope you are healing.

I can't say I've blamed God for it but I've felt very alone & abandoned (or 'unwanted') by God.

I think if 'God' had it His/ 'Her' way, there would be no sorrow or suffering.

Welcome btw, a :hug: if that's ok? (I will say "eh?", because you are a Canuck as well. :) )

 

[arfie]

Yup, I asked myself that for years and mostly just drove myself crazier with the asking.

I don't have the credentials to claim the engineer title, but most of my career has been in engineering and construction. Despite my lack of credentials, I still think I have a logical nature. I got past it by extending the logic to the good stuff. Why was I given employable talents? Why am I allowed to have good days? What have I done to deserve good physical health? What have I done to deserve living in a culture that has no war on its native soil? Logically, I shouldn't be questioning what I did to deserve the bad stuff unless I am equally willing to question what I did to deserve the good stuff. Worked for me. Ya only get to play the hand you are dealt.

Gentle support while you find what works for you, Wanderer.

 

[Seagreen]

Sadly these things are totally random and they can happen to anyone. You just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Even babies and children sometimes become the victims of sever burns. They are no more responsible for their suffering than you are. I am so sorry that you are going through this and I cant imagine what life must be like at the moment. I admire your courage for reaching out. Hopefully you can connect with other burn victims that have had healing over time and learn from them. Sending you lots of healing thoughts (both physical and metal).

 

[survivornotavictim91]

I think everyone who's been through something terrible will come to the same conclusion, that they're a bad person who deserved it somehow. It's our way of trying to find comfort and answers in a world of chaos. If there's an answer then we can move on faster but the unfortunate truth is that sometimes bad things happen to good people just because. You didn't do anything do deserve what happened, and God isn't punishing you. You just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and it changed your life forever.

Tell yourself that every day. Ignore the people who believe differently, there's always people out there who will say things like that. They're wrong. You're not a bad person, no one is.

 

[Seagreen]

And also, everyone does bad things some of the time. It doesn't mean you are a bad person. No matter what you have done in your life it doesn't mean that you deserve what has happened to you.

 

[Eleanor]

Two things: 1) If you are a creature on this planet pain is inevitable at some point. That is just the nature of life on earth. No one gets out unscathed. Some people get more scathed than others. There is no moral reason for this. (The classical philosophers called this sort of thing good or bad Fortune. And Fortune is fickle and arbitrary.) Suffering, however is optional. When we resist what just IS, and rail against it, and deny it... that causes suffering. Pain is inevitably and sucks. Resisting pain once it is here is suffering and it is voluntary - and it sucks too. Worse, in my opinion.

2) It would be kind of nice if you did something to deserve it. But you didn't. So, sorry you can't ensure against future bad things happening by being a better person. I think you should be a better person (I think everyone, particularly including me, should be better people... so I'm not just singling you out here.) But being a better person won't insulate you from bad luck, major or minor. Bad things regularly happen to good people. Good things regularly happen to bad people - which is kind of worse in my opinion. It just doesn't have anything to do with each other. You pays your money and takes your chances.

Oh and 3) The impulse to find cause and effect is a good one, and is closely related to a pretty universal human need to make meaning or sense out of our experience. Some people find they can do without. Most people can't. So the best thing I know to do is to figure out how to use this experience to your advantage - to make meaning out of it. Do you know Dan Arielly's TED talk on "Our buggy moral code?" He tells a story at the beginning of his experience as a severe burn victim. He turned it into a research career. Not suggesting you go into pain research - but mine this baby for all it is worth.

 

[Karen12]

It's really hard to break out of thinking that way. It's natural but the "Why did this happen to me?" stuff will make you go crazy if you can't find a way out.

 

[Friday]

Bad things happen to good people.
Good things happen to bad people.
And vice versa.

If it helps... Not knowing what kind of engineer you are... Consider erosion. Or metal fatigue. We can equate for those things, yes? What may appear random we can get a general idea of how things are going to pattern out given a set number of variables. But shit still happens.

Sometimes that's useful information to add to the equation. Our variable sets were incomplete. Other times adding that information would needlessly skew the data. For example: a building is structurally perfect for its environment. The variable set was as near perfect as could be expected. A bomb goes off nearby. The building collapses. Meanwhile, the totally shitty building down the block which has been condemned for ages isn't touched. It was shielded from the bomb by other buildings, distance, etc.

Does buildingA(wesome) collapse because it's a bad building? No.
It collapsed because a bomb went off.
Does the buildingS(hitty) remain untouched because it's superior? Nope. Its a crap building. It just happened to be in a different location.
Should we add concussive force to our new equations when rebuilding it? Maybe.
Depends how often we expect bombs to be going off near it.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

Welcome @wanderer I simply voice the same as the replies above. None of us deserved the trauma individually suffered to injury us like this.

You did not deserve to be burned as I did not deserve to be abused.

Sending :hug:s from the UK if you accept them.

Laurie

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Radical acceptance.

Its human nature to ask "why" but its one of those questions that has no answer, or at least no answer that will give much closure.