What do i do now?

[Deleted member 37474]

Good luck at therapy today!

 

[Bristol]

Thank you @TexCat

 

[barefoot]

I'd second what others have said here - I think it would be a useful thing to share with your therapist.

And, just to add, I do understand that whole "getting on a mission to know stuff" thing. For you, you became focused on his surname. For me, I got on quite a mission to get certainty around my timeline/age. I succeeded in my mission too - I found out certain dates and they weren't what I expected. I had had all my timeline wrong. While, on the one hand, it was satisfying to finally have certainty around the information I had sought out, on the other hand, the discovery was unsettling. And I had a very similar sense of "so, what now?" as you're describing here.

It was an odd experience. I felt quite lost with that new info. And I'm glad that I talked it through with my therapist.

Hope your session goes well today!

 

[barefoot]

Also - closure doesn't necessarily mean getting justice. That would be one way to potentially get closure, but it isn't the only way. So, don't be defeated by believing that, because he is dead and therefore can't be brought to justice, you are destined to live with this for the rest of your life without any sense of closure, processing, healing...

 

[Mach123]

I went to their retreats back about 15 years ago. It was a really interesting experience and actually the book "the Sedona Method" helped me to recognize I had trauma. It's just Hinduism with their spin on applying it IMO. I have a favorite book called 'I am that' by Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj that is very famous and is so great to read if you like Hinduism. It is all good.

 

[Bristol]

Just a quick update, i told T about it, she gave me a few options to consider. I think now it feels more like for the first time ever i have a bit of control, knowing his name is the one thing he avoided me knowing, although he is dead i now know his full name and date of birth and feel like there is a small shred of power in it, but will see what happens! Thank you all for your inputs on this thread

 

[Friday]

My experience is that all kinds of completed missions leave voids.

This. This thing that I was focused on, and driven to pursue, and devoted time and energy / blood-sweat-tears ... Is over now. So now what? What do I do?

That choice? Is probably one of the most important ones I'm almost never aware of making or having.

 

[heyyou]

This thing that I was focused on, and driven to pursue, and devoted time and energy / blood-sweat-tears ... Is over now. So now what? What do I do? ...

This is something that I have a really hard time handling! I think this also applies to loving someone a lot for a long time but then learning to have to let them go. It can make you feel like you have to do something but those things are things you've already done, and for so long. I think the most comforting thought is that this whole thing, all our lives, is like a journey. A continuous journey. So when one thing ends, it's not like your learning or experience or life has to stall, but you can keep trodding down the path. It's your path. And you can keep walking it just as you did before, or run, jump, leap, skip. Just maybe now the scenery is a little different, but you can always look back when you'd like to see how far you've come.

 

[Changing4Best]

I'm glad you told your T. That is a good start. Maybe journalling about it is a good idea too. I just journalled about something that has been bugging me for quite some time now and in the act of journalling, I discovered something about the whole situation that I had never realized before. So write about it. How you feel about knowing this info now. You might learn something about yourself in the process, or offload some emotions that you need to let go of.

 

[Bristol]

Thanks for the suggestion @SheilaKathy ive tried to redisover journalling this weekend so ill work up to it, but as you say it might help me come up with something