What Do The Concepts Of 'family' Or 'home' Mean To You? Are They Different Because Of Ptsd?

[Tinyflame]

Just wondering what such concepts mean for sufferers or supporters? Do you feel like you have a home or family, do you have a 'special' or different definition because of the presence of PTSD? Does it make you happy or sad?

Thanks! (PS, Happy New Year to all. :) )

 

[MSMiller]

I am with you... I am not sure what to call it. I am a supporter and the PTSD seems to rule the household.

It depends on the day and the time I am asked. At the moment I am saddened and I would say a family is what best describes the unit. Its not really a happy home atmosphere. But as a family we are living with it and do what we can.

 

[Marf]

My "family" is a family that I have chosen as my family of choice and the one with my husband and kids. My "home" is the one that I have created with my husband and kids

 

[CraftyCath]

Hi Junebug,

Well this is a question I have asked myself many times and have struggled to understand. I have had help from wise one's on the Forum and think I have learned a few things.

I struggle with the whole concept of family because I had unrealistic expectations. As a child I would look at other families and wish I was a part of that family as I did not feel a part of my own. My parents were evacuees during the war and brought their own experiences with them when they had their own children but that involved being seen and not hurt and not sharing problems, even the abuse I suffered.

When I had my own children I concentrated all my energies on them to the point of seldom having a break. I guess I was so keen to 'get it right' that I was a little too intent. But we were also left pretty much on our own with no help from extended family so we made our family 'the family.' My mother used to say that we could come on Christmas day with my brother, his wife, my sister, her husband and son but the boys could only bring one toy each and they had to play upstairs quietly! I did not think this was healthy for 2 excitable boys so we made our own Christmas traditions which 23 years later we still do.

I never feel 'right' anywhere else but in my own home. It needs work, there isn't much money but it is ours. Home is where there is no pressure to be anything other than 'me.' We all have our problems in the house - my PTSD, my husbands anxiety and OCD and both my son's with General anxiety disorder/ social phobia. Despite the stress and arguments we have we do work things out. I don't see my husbands family regularly because I just can't cope with something that is happening at the moment.

So my house is home but I still feel like I belong somewhere else. I don't know if this is the PTSD or if I should be somewhere else. I do feel like running from my husband and son's sometimes but I know that IS the PTSD talking.

I've always been unsettled, even as a child. One day I will find where I belong.

Hugs,

CC

 

[TwoDee2ThreeDee]

To keep it short - my family is the one I've created with my husband, not the one I was born into.

 

[Bees Are Awesome]

My home is where I live with my husband, two boys, and chihuahua. My family also consists of them but also a few friends who we also consider family. My PTSD affects all of them and yet they are supportive and loving, especially when I am at my worst. I'm not sure how I got so lucky.

 

[Abstract]

Hi Junebug. :)

My home is my flat. I am OK with that but I have to admit that it probably doesn't go that deep although I rely on it a lot. There is something in me that is never really tethered anywhere and if it wasn't for symptoms I would be at risk of being one of those people who never settle and roam around. There is very little about me that feels rooted. As it is I only leave my flat when I have to or should.

Family. Yuck. I can't think of the word without there being a mass of conflicted emotions. Fear, guilt, flight impulses sadness and a whole lot more. Like the concept of wadding through a swamp with patches of quicksand and a few sparkles thrown around as red herrings.

I have no desire to find "a family" in an obvious way. The idea of relationships I keep separate to that mentally even when it comes to family members.

I have never thought about it in this context before but I really don't know what would have happened if I had a child. That would have been very unlikely but if I did I don't know if I would have avoided the word or come to appreciate it.

 

[Barconian]

My home is where I feel safe. Outside my home is my playground for challenge! With my family I feel cold. With my friends and their families, I feel warm!

 

[Tinyflame]

My parents were evacuees during the war and brought their own experiences with them when they had their own children but that involved being seen and not hurt and not sharing problems, even the abuse I suffered.

But we were also left pretty much on our own with no help from extended family so we made our family 'the family.' ..we made our own Christmas traditions which 23 years later we still do.

Home is where there is no pressure to be anything other than 'me.'

So my house is home but I still feel like I belong somewhere else. I don't know if this is the PTSD or if I should be somewhere else. I do feel like running from my husband and son's sometimes but I know that IS the PTSD talking.

I've always been unsettled, even as a child. One day I will find where I belong.

Dear CC, my mother's parents were also evacuues and their families were killed who remained behind. My father's family died early. Like you, my mom and dad did not have extended family but made their own, my mom's dad had been physically abusive on occassion but stopped. My mom swore she would not raise her kids to be seen but not heard (or as 'mini- adults'). My dad tried very hard to let us be kids.

Interesting, I understand what you mean, about feeling as if one does not belong. I do think the running is ptsd-related.

Hugs to you Dear CC, I think you sound like you have made a fine family and home. Perhaps home is where you can be yourself, as you have said. To 'relax'? :hug: ((((((Dear CC))))))

 

[Tinyflame]

My home is my flat. I am OK with that but I have to admit that it probably doesn't go that deep although I rely on it a lot. There is something in me that is never really tethered anywhere

Family. Yuck. I can't think of the word without there being a mass of conflicted emotions. Fear, guilt, flight impulses sadness and a whole lot more. Like the concept of wadding through a swamp with patches of quicksand and a few sparkles thrown around as red herrings.

I have no desire to find "a family" in an obvious way. The idea of relationships I keep separate to that mentally even when it comes to family members.

Dear Abstract, I do relate to that, I made an error in quoting but importantly as you said it feels like not having roots, as in stability more than a past.

The word- yes- ugh. Can be somewhere up there with total confusion, or words like 'cancer'. Not sure what I'm supposed to think.

I think, had that been the case, you would have probably over-compensated and been a very great mom. But it sure would have triggered much along the way. ((((((((((Dear Abstract)))))))) :hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

Unravelling1 I'm sure they want to. :hug:

TwoDee2ThreeDee and Marf I think a new family is just fine. I am relieved to be released of a bit of guilt of what I feared I did not do, or could not overcome, for some in my birth family. True love may be painful (as in sacrifice or even eventual loss) but I don't think it should hurt. I think that's a difference.

MsMiller, persevere but never stop taking care of yourself. I wish for you happier times and the ptsd to receed in to the background.

 

[Tinyflame]

My home is where I feel safe.. With my family I feel cold. With my friends and their families, I feel warm!

Funny you should say Barconian, cold is a physical result (and a trigger) for much for me, metaphorically and physically.

I think 'feeling' safe, must have a huge part.

To me it feels odd, friends' families are just that- their families, not my own. Even the kindest, I don't want someone to offer because I don't have family, that is akin to pity, not something that would happen for any other reason.

I think as a child I had a concept (distinctly) of family and home, now I flounder.

Thanks Barconian! :hug: