Relationship What Do You Do To Distract Yourself

[mr58]

For the last year I've been in a complicated on/off relationship with a military man, The day we were gonna start things up again (two days before 9/11 anniversary, i'm still wondering if this is maybe triggered him to cancel), he canceled an hour before we were to meet, I was annoyingly already on my way there on the subway..but told him I would try to understand. I sent some messages here and there, I think 7 in time span of 13 days (better than I used to be, which is my own issue I realize and he has been told) but not more than one a day, never expecting him to answer any of them if he wasn't ready, especially since this the first time he's ever asked for space. I just saw recently he was posting on facebook after a week (from what I understand some people use this as a distraction but still doesn't mean they are ready to talk to other people they may be close with) and then this morning I sent him a last message this morning on FB saying I'm sorry if I've been terrible with giving space I'm trying to learn and educate myself and I'm here when he's ready hope he has a good week and plan to back off for awhile (but I have to guess on that he doesn't tend to reach out first)...I'm pretty sure I will see him again because he knows I do it out of caring for him, not to piss him off, and am accepting of situation and has told me he would tell me to completely f*ck off if he planned on never talking or seeing me again(trust me he would do this) and I can see if he reads FB messages, I take that as a good sign, when we do get to see each other it's always comfortable and I always learn things from him and I've told him how much I enjoy his company. My question is what do you do when they are pushing you away to occupy your mind and not contact them? The hardest time for me is at work during the day when I'm sitting their with nothing to do...when I'm at home or it's the weekend I can watch netflix and occupy my mind, or go play soccer or go kayaking, and I only talk with one coworker who gets things and my mind, so what do you guys do to occupy your mind?

 

[Sweetpea76]

It's an aquired skill... You almost get zen about it. I personally am almost getting to like having a little alone time when my vet isolates. I know it's not personal, and that's the key. It's not about me, he just needs a time out to reset.

I take the chance to do things that he hates doing... Concerts, casinos, amusement parks, loud crowded places like shopping malls etc. I eat food he doesn't like. I sleep in the middle of the bed. Watch girly movies. It's almost a reset for me. I can use a PTSD break sometimes too.

 

[mr58]

It's an aquired skill... You almost get zen about it. I personally am almost getting to like having...

Thanks!! I think I found something that works for me, I'm very good with explicit directions and when he asks for space because that is so varied to mean anything it's hard for me to process and know when we haven't discussed boundaries yet, so on my phone I put a bright red screen saver that says "Keep Calm and do not text him" and also wrote down a promise to myself that I wouldn't text him for at least a week! We don't live in the same town or see each other often cause of his and mine schedule which makes it harder, it's just keeping my mind busy from not trying to text him even when I know it's a bad idea that I have a hard time with! playing soccer and getting outdoors (hard to do when you live in NYC And are broke like me!) always helps me with everything, and I agree about sometimes needing a break I don't' cling to anyone super independent and try to do my own thing even when we are in a good spot, it just nags at the back of my mind like an annoying itch...