General What Do You Do To Feel Better?

[Glara]

So it's been about 3 weeks since he told me he never wanted a relationship. This is after everything I've been through with him over the past year. Anyway, since then I've had good and bad days. I've made a few very positive steps but I'm still struggling with feeling better. So I'd like to know what small things I can do to feel better.

When I was 20 and got my heart broken, it was different. I got dumped. I got dressed pretty, went out my friends and met new people. This is different. This was traumatic. I've never had someone tell how close they were to blowing themselves away. I've never had someone tell me they signed out of a psych hospital. I feel completely overwhelmed. It's hard to separate my romantic feelings about being dumped from my feelings about this hideous ptsd and depression he's suffering from.

For my sake it's probably the best thing he could have done for me. But it still rips my heart out. I'm trying to do all the things that usually make me feel better, but sometimes it's just too hard. Yesterday was beautiful out. I walked outside on my breaks at work, but by the time I got home I was too drained to walk again. And that would help. So id love to know anything that people do to feel better. Any small self care things that don't take much energy would be appreciated.

 

[Deleted member 28812]

Greatr you are making a plan for self-care :)

 

[cindymolly]

Things that can sometimes make me feel better if I manage to do them when I'm feeling awful:
-Journalling
-A hot shower with things that smell nice
-Crying in bed and hugging myself and saying nice things to myself
-Mindfulness meditation. There are lots of guided ones online e.g. awareness of breath etc. If you google it lots will come up.
-Exercise (I know this probably isn't good for you as you said 'low energy' things but any exercise really helps me, even online relaxation yoga videos)
-Sitting outside and looking at the sky
-Calling a person you feel safe with
-Art - drawing, painting, pushing clay around

 

[Glara]

@cindymolly I know exercise is really good, I'm just having a really hard time moving. I'm working Saturday overtime because it forces me put if bed in the weekends. Otherwise I'd stay there all day.

I wish I had anyone to call. I don't.

I'll look up some of the other things you suggested. I know keeping busy would help, it's hard to motivate to keep busy.

 

[cindymolly]

@Glara I know what you mean re hard time moving. When I'm really depressed I can't move. Do you have a therapist and if not would you consider looking into seeing someone? This would help if you're feeling like things are too hard to cope with on your own. It's so hard to motivate yourself to start doing self-care things if you are unsupported (although as @Lemontree said even starting to make a plan is great). I know you have this forum which can be so helpful, but maybe a therapist could really help you alongside it - just something to think about.

 

[cindymolly]

@Glara I just read your profile page saying you can't find professional help anywhere - that's really hard - can you keep looking, maybe there's a charity that could offer you support, I don't know how it works in the States at all or I could offer more specific help.

 

[shrinkingviolet]

When I'm stressed, I blast music and clean. Somehow straightening up brings me peace, like I can control some of the chaos in my life, even if it's just one room one corner or even a drawer. A trip to the library is helpful for me too, brief trip out and can pick several types of books to distract me. I'm sorry you are hurting so @Glara but you are being strong, even when it doesn't feel like it.

 

[Owl.]

I'm with @shrinkingviolet there.
LOUD music and cleaning. Hell, I spent almost every free minute in the last two weeks scrubbing the living daylights out of extremely important things like the back of my oven or the wall behind my wardrobe. I also tend to go through all my stuff and seriously declutter my life. When I feel like I can't face the world, I can at least make sure my owlcave is a squeaky clean place to hide away in. Throwing stuff out also helps take off some of the dead weight, quite literally.

On low-energy days, reading helps. Maybe sitting down and spending a few hours learning about something you've always been interested in. Reading to escape to another world is good, but if you need results at the end of the day (I do, on days I didn't make a visible change to my surroundings or don't know more in the evening than I did in the morning, I end up feeling worse than I did before), reading up on a topic that interests you or even learning a new skill through books or YouTube tutorials is a perfectly viable option, especially on days where you really can't get yourself to move an inch, no matter how hard you try.

Depression SUCKS. Not being able to see the beauty in yourself SUCKS. Worrying about someone who cannot handle your concern SUCKS.
But ya know what, girl? You can do this. You absolutely can, because you're stronger than this crap. You may not see it right now, but everyone else here does and is ready to remind you of it whenever it's needed. :)