What Do You Do When A Part Insists That They Were Abused

[theshadowoftheliving]

A part of me keeps insisting that they were abused - as a child, by a babysitter - but this doesn't make sense. I stopped babysitting when I was fourteen and I didn't lose my virginity until three years later. But she is insistent that she exists because she came to help me have sex when I couldn't. Do I believe her? How do i know if she is right? I don't remember that happening at all. It doesn't feel like it could be real.

 

[Friday]

How does your time being a babysitter connect?

I'm just confused. Those are 2 different time periods. When you're young enough to need a babysitter, and when you're old enough to be a babysitter.

 

[shimmerz]

How do i know if she is right?

Do you need to know if she is right yet? I would just watch and wait and see how the cards fall.

I have this pervasive feeling myself that I was molested as an infant. I also have this feeling that it is too much for me to focus on right now (and for the past 10 years). So I have 'spoken' with this part and said that it isn't time yet. That I will make time when I am ready..... but that I hear her. I recognize what she is saying.

Do you feel like this is a possibility for you?

 

[watundah]

It is frightening when these things rise to the surface and natural to not want to believe it, especially if you don't have an actual memory to help you to accept it.

I had the same experience, but the stories were coming from several parts so it made it difficult to deny. I am still having a hard time accepting it.

It is true that parts developed to help compartmentalize the pain so your true self could go on.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

What would you do if someone disclosed their Abuse to you?

I would tell them that I believed it. But this feels different somehow, because I don't feel like this part of me is an actual person and I'm not sure that it really exists at all, so it is hard to believe it.

IFST would tell you to validate the part.

Invalidate what she's saying and yeah--------your system may go haywire.

I have experience with this - the haywire part. I'm trying to listen, but it is hard. I know that, when invalidated, they get really loud like a small child whose volume keeps escalating when an adult won't pay attention to them. But I'd almost rather deal with the haywire than acknowledging what might have happened.

I'm just confused. Those are 2 different time periods. When you're young enough to need a babysitter, and when you're old enough to be a babysitter.

This is confusing, yes. Honestly, I don't remember writing this post, but I obviously did, or at least some part of me did. I think that by was supposed to be as (autocorrect fail). I started babysitting at 11 and stopped by 15, so while I was old enough to watch other children, I was also a child myself. And what supposedly happened was sexual in nature, so I wasn't able to consent, for sure.

Do you need to know if she is right yet? I would just watch and wait and see how the cards fall.

I don't need to know, but the ambiguity is uncomfortable. Even the fact that there is ambiguity is uncomfortable - the absolute of knowing, one way or another, is so much easier, whatever the answer.

It is frightening when these things rise to the surface and natural to not want to believe it, especially if you don't have an actual Memory to help you to accept it.

I have no memory, whatsoever, of whatever this was that happened. The part apparently does, and that is really scary to me, if not just because it undermines the assumptions that I have any idea what my life was like.

It is true that parts developed to help compartmentalize the pain so your true self could go on.

I know this, and this is what my therapist said, too. It's hard to believe, however, in an embodied sense.

 

[shimmerz]

it undermines the assumptions that I have any idea what my life was like.

And this can be psyche shattering. Been there, done that. Which is why I am good with just leaving it alone for now. I have other things that have come to the surface in a clear way. To me that means that I am ready to cope. To deal with those things. I am waiting patiently for this sexual abuse part of me to come forward when it is ready. I am kind of dreading it actually.

Anyway, just saying, be careful. Tread lightly.

 

[whiteraven]

It can be so hard, sorting through all the things we are told from those inside. I have a little one who tells a horrific story of the murders of children by someone very close to us. I can't believe it. Just can't. My therapist sat with her as she told her story and listened and when I expressed intense disbelief he said that right now it doesn't matter. That right now what matters is that we honor her and her fear and what she says. That it could be true or maybe it's not. Maybe it is a story created to tell another story. I've had a hard time for a lot of years because I didn't know what happened when I was little and even as things come back bit-by-bit, I'm not sure whether to believe or not. I'm gradually learning, though, that it's less important to know what happened then and more important to address what's happening now.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

Anyway, just saying, be careful. Tread lightly.

I'm trying to, but this is all coming unravelled at a pace which is much too fast for me, and, just like gravity, I can't seem to stop it.

I can't believe it. Just can't. My therapist sat with her as she told her story and listened and when I expressed intense disbelief he said that right now it doesn't matter. That right now what matters is that we honor her and her fear and what she says. That it could be true or maybe it's not. Maybe it is a story created to tell another story.

And this might be the case for me, too. I just can't imagine what she is talking about/I don't think it is possible (although it is possible, just not likely or probable and I definitely do not want it to be true). Trying to breathe easy and not panic, but it is really hard.

 

[whiteraven]

I'm trying to, but this is all coming unravelled at a pace which is much too fast for me,...

I do understand how hard it is. Over the years I have learned to sit with and through the pain, because pain is always temporary and it passes more quickly that way. When we try to avoid its sting, it sticks around longer.

 

[shimmerz]

I'm trying to, but this is all coming unravelled at a pace which is much too fast for me, and, just like gravity, I can't seem to stop it.

Can you describe this? I am not meaning to pry, but am curious as to what this looks like for you. Because if you aren't able to compartmentalize this becomes a whole other conversation I am thinking.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

Can you describe this?

Things are coming unravelled in the sense that I feel like I'm losing control over what happens and when parts take over. This time of year is really busy at work, so my stress levels have been higher and I've been sleeping less, which is making things crazier and crazier. Dissociation always gets worse under these circumstances, but right now it feels haywire.

It's like I can't control what is happening anymore. Parts keep writing things in my journal that I don't want to know or to read. Parts keep coming out when I'm driving. I'm losing more time that usual, too, and I'm panicked because I just don't know how to stop it all.

 

[pixel]

Can you set limits as to who comes out, and when?
Agreeing on a set body time can help with spontaneous hijacking.

Regarding diaries, would it help to have a different diary for each part? Ask them to use only theirs, let them take ownership and liberty of their own personal diary. Then you wont have to read their business...

:)