What Do You Do When Family Is In Denial Of Your Condition?

[Deleted member 12723]

I think you need to figure out some limits to the conversations you have with them. I agree with Shellbell that it is good to expect it out of them and Insulate yourself from their comments. I am sad that they do not understand you and support you, I know how much that hurts.

But you can make some boundries to stop them. You can tell them it is a hands off topic from now on. I am sad that they are all upset over this instead of being understanding, but their boats have been seriously rocked. My family did not really believe me.

It is their denial and they have to live with themselves. They are fighting to put you back in the role you played before this happened to you. They will fight with everything you have to keep the lid on this one. They cannot deal with the truth. I am so sorry. But there are things you can do to protect yourself from them. You could read about detachment and beging to detach from them slowly until you find a balance you can live with. They will fight you tooth and nail but will eventually come to a grudging respect for you for standing your ground.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I forgot to say that you cannot control what they do and say, but you can control you and by setting boundries with them is very healthy. It sounds like your family is really codependent and you could read up about that. I am wishing you the best.

 

[MissMacD]

I have had to step back from relationships with many of my family members because they were so incredibly destructive to my well being. One of my sisters whom I haven't spoken with in 3 years loved being around when I was suffering and always made a point to tell me how selfish and horrible I was. The moment I started doing well she told me that I didn't deserve any of my happiness and that the people I was with would see how fake and selfish I was and would eventually leave me. That was three years ago and the people she claims would leave me are still by my side while she is nowhere to be found!

I hope that you can find the appropriate distance and energy to give to family relationships because they can be really draining if the person you share it with wears you down.

 

[NarcSis]

I'm the youngest in my family, my boundaries have always been disrespected. After PTSD I made sure to let everyone in my family know what topics trigger me - but my boundaries have always been disrespected.

My expectation as an adult who has not lived in close proximity to her family for years was that things would miraculously be different. You can't change such an ingrained pattern of relating.

I now simply remove myself from triggering conversations; I expect these topics to come up around me and I try not to be so disappointed in a family that does not understand and does not view the world as I do.

It still hurts but my job now is to protect my well being and if distancing myself from them accomplishes this than its what I must do.

 

[Britt.f7]

was told I love the drama and I couldn't live without the drama.

My sister uses this when she doesn't get her way or I don't go along with something she believes. I am then the "drama queen". It does hurt, but I try to remind myself that that is her intention. Whether it is true or not, and I happen to believe it is not, she uses it to hurt me. To project whatever feelings she may have or are going through, onto me. If they do that they don't have to focus on the true issue at hand.

For the most part, I do not talk about my issues with family that I know will behave poorly. I do this for my sake not theirs. I think I am going through enough without having to deal with their behavior.

I hope you find what works for you.

 

[twopaths]

I can especially relate to this question: Why don't you choose to get better?

It's like asking depressed people why don't they just be happier, why don't anxious people stop worrying, why don't OCD people stop being so obsessive and compulsive,
etc....

Ironically, it's the reason why patients are diagnosed with such mental disorders.

I wished I could "switch off" at my will, but that's not what I chose to. No one chooses to feel bad.

 

[margo]

My siblings are building a barrier around me. I never saw that coming. They are telling my mother to seek professional help!!!! Wow!!! I always knew growing up, they were "safe" but I could never expect them to go this far!!!! What a turn of events!!!

 

[Britt.f7]

That's awesome Margo!

 

[BloomInWinter]

In dysfunctional families, denial is common. When loved ones are in denial, or invalidating, or unsupportive, sometimes the healthiest option for us is to accept that is where they are on their journey, and we can take that as a sign we need to seek out healthier, kind, supportive, validating people.

Denial is a defense mechanism and not all people are able to overcome it in some situations. But that in no way invalidates what is true for us.

 

[xena21]

I doubt my family will understand. They've grown up with the memory of when I had sudden onset OCD when I was 11 and my behavior was very erratic, but my PTSD is completely different from that. My dad just tells me to be calm and forgive. There's no discussion of right or wrong, to my family its just something that has happened that I keep holding ont

That sounds a lot like me. My OCD started when I was 8 or 9. I believe it was triggered from the trauma. My family was and still is very religious. They were of the forgive and forget mindset. Everyone except my Mom. My Mom's parents were the main abusers as well as her nephew. Her brothers and sisters were all religious and thought that letting things go was the best way to proceed despite how I lived with it. At least that's the way I took it. I always felt very awkward around all my extended family...everyone except my Mom.

To this day, my Mom's family seems like a foreign group that I don't like to encounter. I feel uncomfortable being around them. It's weird because as a child I was made to be around them all the time. The stress was intense always feeling like the pariah. Being able to go out on your own at least gives you that choice to be around those people or not. I can decide if I want to see them or just say forget it for now, I've had enough.