"what Do You Need From Me?"

[Teamwork]

Some people, like myself, have been taught early in life to not want, not need. It makes sense to me when you struggle with the word, because literally that is the struggle. Try changing it to one that you can answer without struggle. For me if my t says at the end, you can email if you like, it is what I would like to hear because when he doesn't I get all confused about if I can or not. So if he ever said what do you need from me, which he never has and likely won't, but let's say he did, I would say that to him.he comes from a place of, I know what I need, or my body naturally knows what it needs, so he may comment that way to help me recognize that even though I function from a past of not want not need, I do fulfill needs without acknowledging.

 

[Hidden me]

My T asked me the exec question too and it does irritate me the best of times,but I do think we all need/want something from your T but it doesn't mean we're going to get it from them directly they're just going to help us to go out there and get what we need/want I think they put that question out there so we can go within ourselves and honestly dig deep and if we don't know it yet! its ok.
Personally I think that question is saying what do you need from the people around you whether it be friends or family all the relationships that we are in we are there because we need something.
what we need from them not personally the therapies! but we are all in therapy because we're in need..... so you might not figure out what you need as yet..... that's my take on it anyway :)

 

[Beans]

Ooo so glad I ran across this thread! great topic. I've only just learned that needs are beyond physical and emotional needs really exist and are just as valid. it's ok to say i need you to listen to me or be there for me consistently or give me feedback about xyz or to let me express my emotions or give me advice or your perspective or some validation. I can ask for help, i can ask for encouragement, I can ask for support, i can ask for ideas, etc. Outside of therapy i can ask all the therapy things, but I can also ask for hugs, i can ask to spend time, i can ask to go out, i can ask someone to change a behavior, i can ask a favor, i can ask someone to make dinner tonight, i can ask someone to pick up a prescription, etc. In childhood i learned not to be a bother and a burden so i numbed out my needs and feelings. Now that i've make an effort not to push them away or deny them, they've come back in full force! I can ask, doesn't mean someone will be willing, but I can ask. If they say no there are 7.5 billion pple on this planet and as long as it's not an outrageous need (or s/t i can only do for myself,) there will be someone safe willing to fulfill it.

Also re the obsessing thing- it's normal and healthy to obsess when we're first becoming attached, just like we would have to our parents. When we feel stable and safe and secure then we feel safer to be curious and go out to explore the world. We must feel safe before we feel curious. Therapy is definitely a great place to develop attachment. I realize now I've been trying to attach all my life, but due to my abuse I always went for the non-available, non safe pple. I just did it again recently lol. Children trust the adults in their lives indiscriminately. Of course that's not ok as adults, but I'm trying to practice some of that childlike trust now with my new therapist (and safe available others in my life- namely my sis and cousins.)