What Do You See and Feel When You Look in the Mirror?

[Mercy Joy]

I almost always see something different any time I look into a mirror. It scares the mess out of me most of the time.
Most of the time I see somebody completely different staring back at me. Sometimes I see large, green cat eyes. Sometimes, a dead, robotic looking, emotionless being. Sometimes I see a scared little girl. Or just emotions like sadness or dispair. Or anger. Or a mischievous grin. But I don’t usually ‘feel’ any of those things. I use mirrors to help tell me what I’m feeling or to help me know who is out.
(I have DID, so it may be a little different in some ways)
But mirrors are one of my greatest enemies and also one of my greatest helps.

 

[ladee]

I try not to look, really look, at myself in the mirror. I can brush my teeth, brush my hair, without really seeing myself.

When I do see myself, I see a hard life written on my face. I see deep creases between my eyes on my forehead from trying so hard to understand life.

I see how OLD I am. And I am old in years, but my spirit still feels young, so it's always disconcerting to see how the inside does not look like the outside.

I see chronic pain and the toll it is taking. I see someone who is poor. And how the years of not being able to take better care of myself have left its mark.

But I also see a fighter. A thriver. I may not have been successful financially, but I have been successful in living my life. I see a woman who has fought the odds too many times to count and came out the other side. So that's the part I look for when I do look in the mirror. Because the rest of it is just old, worn and tired.

 

[Sunfl0wer]

I don't recognize myself or I just see someone worn out, so it's hard for me to look at myself in the mirror. It just makes me feel sad or disgusted.

 

[MrMoonlight]

a middleaged man staring back, it doesn't seem right.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I don't recognize myself or I just see someone worn out, so it's hard for me to look at myself in the mirror. It just makes me feel sad or disgusted.

I don’t match the reflection with a feeling of “that’s me!”. Yes, The mirror makes me feel old, and unhappy, too. Thanks for sharing.

 

[knuckles]

I tend to glance at my reflection. I don't have much trouble looking in the mirror to check my general appearance before going somewhere, but I don't like looking in my eyes - I'm not sure I like what I can see in them (or maybe I don't want to start contemplate what it is I can see).
I think the same goes for other people; I can kinda glance at their faces when talking to them (but find it hard), but I avoid eye contact. Though I think it's a different issue I avoid with other people, as forced eye contact was used as punishment in the past.

 

[Deanna]

don't take pictures unless crucially necessary, and I don't like to look at pictures from my childhood.

I paper shredded all my pictures except one. Shredded the family pictures too. Meh..its just a reminder of all the abuse.

 

[katz]

I've also avoided mirrors for most of my life. I still look in to it and see...no one. I'm just a face looking back - that needs to look better.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I paper shredded all my pictures except one. Shredded the family pictures too. Meh..its just a reminder of all the abuse.

When I decided to clean out, pictures of the abusive family went first. I offered them to my daughter who threw a tantrum because she felt I was closing doors to her family- I was getting rid of unpleasant reminders of the past, I explained to her I was trying to move on in a more positive direction. There they sat for many months, she finally came and got them- and for a Christmas present-I got a reproduced photo of my mother in her wedding dress- that was hurtful. I get the need to toss out photos that remind you of a hurtful past.

Looking at pictures, looking at me, connecting all those visual reminders has been hard.

 

[Mach123]

I know I don't see what's really there. I see a combination of what I want and what I don't.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

I like seeing myself in the mirror.

But in 2013 (worst PTSD of my life) I saw horrible things in the mirror. And I don´t mean just my reflection, felt more like seeing actual demons.