What Does "i Love You" Mean To You?

[Sighs]

My vet tells me he loves me. But often he treats me in ways that make me wonder what on earth he even means by that.

When I love someone I want to spend time with them, I want to hear from them when we're not together and I do what I can to make them feel special and cared for. I understand that his PTSD means that he can't do those things for me a lot of the time.

But I started thinking about past relationships as well. I had parents who said they loved me, but if I did something they disapproved of they withdrew financial and emotional support. I had a man who said he loved me cheat on me every chance he got. I had another man who said he loved me drink himself into an abusive state night and night.

I realise these are my issues not PTSD related (hence my post in the social forum) but I'm wondering what other people mean when they say they love someone.

 

[hodge]

Oh, Sighs, I'm so sorry for your experiences in this department so far in your life. I have PTSD and I tell my hubby I love him daily. And I truly do. I don't know what I would do without him. .But then, I am at a stage where I am ready to receive help wherever I can . . . from hubby, from therapist, from friends. I do not only need him, I just love him for who he is, a kind, thoughtful person who just wants to do good in the world. and he's brilliant, funny, and so, so kind.

 

[sun seeker]

I understand that his PTSD means that he can't do those things for me a lot of the time.

Why exactly? What are the things you would like him to do for you that he doesn't do? Are you sure it's because of his PTSD? Could it possibly be a communication issue that the two of you could work on? For instance when you say "make them feel special and cared for" that can mean different things to different people.

I do see the other questions raised in your post and can relate to the confusion that comes from experiences like these. I've chosen to focus on the statement that he can't do things because of his PTSD... just in case there might be a simpler answer you could consider, you know?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

When I say I love you, it means that I have deep feelings of affection for my family and friends. We say it to each other so much and it is part of our lives this love.

The love of my life said he loved me every single day of our thirty six year marriage until he died two years ago.

Love means so much to you and I hope you find love with meaning and actions in your life.

 

[SnowJo]

Love to me is all about actions, has someone got your best interests at heart. Specifically what actions do they take to demonstrate that. For me "saying I love you" is one thing, if that's not congruent with actions in my best interests then words aren't love for me. My father said he loved me, yet he was my worst abuser, his definition of love was not what I needed as a child, I needed someone to do no harm, to let me grow as a person, to respect me as an individual with feelings, to see me - the person, not the extension of them. so growing up and older I have always been very careful to measure my own actions to ensure that I am acting in a loving way towards my family and that I dont just use emotion and words.
My honorary father came into my life in the latter part of my 12th year, he was not an overly sentimental man, never heard him use emotive words and never heard him use words like love. He was a very acomplished academic and a man that changed minds, lives and in his way the world, and example of the highest standard of human being and man, demonstrated by his actions. He would encourage me to dream of being someone in the world, and listen to my ramblings at age 12 of wanting to be a vet, and use big words to encourage me to look them up in a dictionary. He was a good man, that never used emotion to scare me and sadly I lost him over Christmas, but luckily knew him for over 30 years, and I see him as my honorary father, the father of my heart, and luckily for me I got to tell him that and that If I could have picked a father for myself, I would have picked him.

One day I hope to find a man like my honorary father (my step dad), a man like this that never abused emotion as a weopon against me, but nuturs my confidence and interest in being a better human being of service to humanity (and not in a wasteful soppy way).

In saying that I tell my daughter I love her, and my grandkids, many times a day, and my actions show it by being there for them when I can.

 

[Ronin]

When I say it, I mean deep level of trust, for better or worse. I mean if we're made to part, I'll avenge them & uphold their memory for as long as I'm able to. It has nothing to do with day to day stuff, romantic feelings, how long we have to spend separated for our jobs, or whatever else on that level.

 

[shadesofgreen]

When I said it, I meant that I was unconditional. Whatever came forward, we would be able to face as a team. Because I believe in him, I trusted him, and I had faith we were both looking for the best in each other.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

"I love you" is just words, without actions to accompany it.

 

[VoiceOfReason]

"I love you" is just words, without actions to accompany it.

I completely agree. Words are just that: words. They have only the power you give to them. As for something as amorphic as "love", that's a matter of perceptions. One persons demonstration of love may not be perceived as such by the person receiving it. I believe it's very important, when you're in a relationship, that you both understand what it means to love and be loved so that you can each receive and show love in a manner understood by the other party.

Love is not a universal concept by any means.

Peace and (ironically) Love,
VoR

 

[Stickler]

That I feel deeply for said person, enjoy their companionship, have an emotional stake in their well being...um...stuff like that.

 

[Changing4Best]

I think it depends on who is saying it. My neighbor says it to me, and she shows it in her actions toward me. She says "If you ever need me, you know where to find me." and she and I do things together. Like shopping or growing some tomato plants together, or just sitting around and talking. We enjoy being together and I, of course, tell her I love her too!

When my husband was alive, he would say he loved me when I came to visit him in the nursing home where he spent the last 3 years of his life. We would sit together holding hands, he in his wheelchair and me in a chair. Often we would eat together in the dining area. Just being together, even not saying anything, we were comfortable together. It is hard to explain, but ours was a quiet kind of love. He died in 2005 and I miss his so.

When we were younger, before his stroke, he didn't tell me he loved me, but I know he did. He would cook for me sometimes, he knew how to cook better than I did. He treated me with "kid gloves" since I think he knew something was wrong with me. I had not been diagnosed back then, but he was very careful of me and my feelings and everything. He was very gentle and kind to me, never getting angry with me in all the 23 years we were married. To me this was a miracle, because my parents had argued and gotten angry with one another on a daily basis when I was a kid!

 

[void]

"I love you" is meaningless to me, empty words used by people to control others, to manipulate.

Love is a trite word.
Love is a fantasy, just like the concept of perfection. It does not exist and is therefore foreign and yet we refer to it as though it were real.
We crave it, pretend we have it, it merely serves to increase our misery.
Love is an illusion, we ought not seek it.