Relationship What Does It All Mean?

[Nelson2015]

My fiancé left me on May 10th because of his Combat PTSD with TBI. I was pretty much in the dark about how he was feeling until the day he left me.

Please read and tell me what you think. It's really me venting, but maybe someone can relate?

In some ways I feel blessed because he talks to me daily (With the exception of maybe 1 or 2 days a week). I know that's not how it usually works. They usually isolate, but he does make time to talk to me... Sometimes all day. What gets me is... He never texts me after he gets off of work. What's up with that?! Evenings are off limits?

He has really gotten better at asking how I am and generally acting like he cares lately. I got hurt at work today, and he was concerned. I was also approached and harassed by a homeless man at work last week... He is now adamant that I find a new place to work. It seems like he does care.

We don't hang out much, but the last time we did he hugged and kissed me goodbye.

I should also add that we are still sexually active with each other.

All that being said.... I am still always so upset and stuff. I know some people would read what I wrote and be like... Seriously? You are griping? But I am still a very confused person. Everyday is different. He acts so loving and caring, but still has no clue if he wants me or not. We were together and inseparable for 3 years. We built a life together. Why is this so confusing?

BUT.... When we first broke up he said that he never wanted to be together again for my sake. A few weeks later he said we may have a future and lets see how things go. I could live with that.

Fast forward today... I asked where he was at. Had his feelings about that convo changed? He said... "I still feel like anything can happen."
Guy's... In your opinion what does that mean?

 

[Sweetpea76]

It is hard to say... I think we tend to want to interpret "signs" and actions, but in the long run, they are just interpretations. We can't know what is in his mind... HE probably doesn't even know what he wants.

Really, you have a few options... if you are happy to have him in your life in any capacity, then just relax and let things go with the flow. As long as you can handle not having any kind of defined, labeled relationship, then it may be what he needs right now. If you do not like being in limbo, and you want a traditional relationship, he may not be the one for you. You'll have to decide what your breaking point is.

 

[joeylittle]

I should also add that we are still sexually active with each other.

I don't think this is as insignificant as you maybe think it is - I'm only saying that based on how far down the list it was, after texting habits and calls and a hug and kiss...'oh, we're also having sex'.

Like @Sweetpea76 said - you just need to decide what you want, what you are OK with, and let the rest go. If you aren't OK with this 'well, maybe, we'll see' thing, then I think you need to express that. Does maintaining an active sex life really help either of you? it's like you shifted from being engaged to being friends with benefits, but of course, mentally, that's really super-hard.

BUT - if actually, you're OK with how it's going, and you are judging yourself for being OK with how it's going, and that makes you question yourself - you can let go of the judging part. It's a non-traditional relationship (at the moment), but there are plenty of those.

Do you have a gut feeling about it? Forgetting about trying to figure him out for a second...what about you?

 

[Becksknox]

I feel like I wrote this myself. Exact same situation. I spend most nights with him but he will say he can't be in a relationship right now. But we've gone on dates he calls and texts daily.

He wants me to date other people, which I don't think I can because I am deeply in love with him. He says "down the road" about a lot too. It gives me hope but also confuses the hell out of me. I go from super happy and hopeful one day to the next feeling and knowing that I need to be absolutely done with him. I'm still stuck on this roller coaster.

He says we aren't together yet other than those words, everything seems the same to me. I'm so confused. We are grilling together night and I'm sure I'll stay overnight there and I'm just going to do my best to let him know that he's lying to himself. I know him too well and I know his emotions too well to think he doesn't feel the same about me as he always has.

In fact he said last week he is holding onto my engagement ring bc we will "probably need it down the road". He has said he doesn't want to date and take it slow right now bc he knows we will end up where we were.....happy and perfect. I don't get his thinking on this.

I don't mean to hijack this post, but @joeylittle, any insight from you would be really appreciated.