What does it take to be a sexual abuser?

[Teasel]

I know I could not molest or rape a child or adult.

I'm wondering what it takes to make someone capable of doing this?
I know it's not being a monster - some sort of freak abnormal human bring. Because abuse is so prevalent.

I remember reading something about them deluding themselves that what they are doing is OK. That it's mutual or not harmful or something.

So that's to do with beliefs?

Of course there are abusers who don't care that what they're doing is wrong. Positively love scaring n hurting...

What do you think?

 

[Deleted member 541]

I think there are a few answers to this...

Some may be mentally sick and don't understand what they are doing is wrong.

Some may know what they are doing is wrong and don't give a rats ass.

Some just want what the want and they take it, no matter the cost.

Others are just pukes that are---------------- fill in the blank! They make me sick!!!

 

[Teasel]

This morning I found myself feeling pity for the men who abused me. Some of them at least.

I mean trying to think what it must do to a person to commit these crimes, any which way I look at it I would nor want to be them.

I don't know how to put this into words bur it must hurt a person's psyche?

Or maybe it's already hurt.

I don't understand what I am talking about sufficiently to put it into words very well.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Bearlinda Never would I feel sorry or pity for the ones that molested or raped me. What they did was more than just wrong! Despicable, dirty, deceitful, awful..... I could go on and on....

Don't feel pity for them.......

 

[PointlessExistence]

I know I could not molest or rape a child or adult.

I'm wondering what it takes to make someone cap...

I'm under the strong impression that around 85% of them do not care one bit. They are victimizers, plain and simple. I'd say 10% of them convince themselves it's right on some level. And 5% of them are horrified by what they do but do not (I will not go as far as to say "cannot") resist.

And I just want to put this out there, in case it related to any members here:

There are a lot of different types of heroes out there, and to me one type are the people who are filled with those depraved desires but never act on them. I've seen these people. They are sad. They are tortured every single day of their lives. But they fight every inclination to act out. They rise above it. As much hate as I have for the 85% + 10%, and as little forgiveness as I have for the 5%, that's how much respect and compassion I have for the who-knows-how-many who fight-the-good-fight day in and day out. Keep it up!!!

 

[Teasel]

Well, when I use the word pity, I am not meaning ah the poor pedophiles, I feel so sorry for them.

It's more a kind of horror at what it must be like to live life with such a dehumanising way of looking at others.

And I have no special respect or admiration for pedophiles who don't rape. Just as I don't have a special admiration for any people who don't rape.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

I know I could not molest or rape a child or adult.

I'm wondering what it takes to make someone cap...

My Therapist told me that they have a chemical imbalance in the brain. That no children should be left alone with them, ever. Also, that they can be good people otherwise, this confuses people like my mom, who thinks my child molester cousin should get to see his grandchildren now that he is out of prison. Ummm. No, his son owes him nothing. Yet, the child molester cares for his parents. And is kind to them. I hate all of it. Same with my best friends step monster. He raped all three of his daughters, never went to prison and the other family members love him. I think the real question is why do non abusive people readily accept people that act on their urges and do horrible things to children?

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

I think I get what you're saying. I sometimes wonder what in the hell they had to go through in their life to arrive in a space that ever made them think that shit was okay to do.

I was at a thrift store one day and saw an elderly man almost lose his balance. I rushed over to help, but then noticed someone was already there handling it. Once I got back in line, I got a good look at his face, and realized it was the bastard that sexually abused me at age 13 and felt sick to my stomach.

I struggled between the human side of me that automatically wanted to help another human being in a moment of need and the part of me that wanted to go slap the shit out of him and tell his dirty little secrets to everyone within earshot.

 

[Teasel]

In a strange kind of way, feeling pity for them, albeit briefly, feels empowering.

Like drawing the curtains back on the Wizard of Oz. Rather than a supreme terrifyingly powerful creature. There's a sad little old man who f*cks with people....

Yes I think that's what I'm thinking of, seeing how pathetically tiny their lives must be.

To not be abe to see the wonder of a person. And instead crush them for the sake of a power trip or a wank.

 

[shogun20]

In many cases it is a re enactment. "Victims no longer" by Mike Lew. I had to read this. It's like a horror movie. Eye opening, but a horror.

 

[Deadman]

Many people who grow up to abuse or abuse as children have abuse in their own childhoods. Having said that most victims of abuse manage to avoid becoming abusers themselves.

 

[ladee]

Maybe what you are feeling is empathy for a life gone wrong. not so much focusing on their actions, tho still wondering what went so wrong that they feel that is ok... in my case, it just became indifference.... not hatred. Because , to me, that meant he still had too much power in my life...
But I absolutely get what @Tornadic Thoughts is saying.... the being so repulsed... yet without knowing, reached out to help him. Which means the man, or the sperm donor in my case, had not stolen or destroyed my humanity.... my automatic response to reach out to someone in need.... they didn't get it all did they @Tornadic Thoughts , we are still humans who are proud of the fact we will reach out, regardless... I doubt had you even known who he was at the time, you would have let him fall....
I did participate in the old mans end of life care... I felt sick to my stomach the whole time... my body was shut completely down to be able to touch him.... I wasn't being altruistic... I just wasn't giving him the power for me to have any regrets or go to the level of denying another human end of life care.... or for me to think in any twisted way I was punishing him.... my life matters, and how I live it matters...
They are some sick bastards for sure, even the women who abuse.... but they don't get my humanity.... that, as an adult, I have say so over...