What Else Can Happen??

[lostforgottensoul]

I like the poem/song idea!

Here it is: https://www.myptsd.com/threads/i-must-know-why.63206/

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Well said, this poem really goes straight to the multiple things that you are currently going through. Well done.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Thank you @gizmo! I think a lot of this is taking my power back and ripping the final pieces of me from the cult to be honest as the cult beliefs of me still dictate some of my thoughts about me so i think thats what this "new chapter" is going to be about. Even as she is dying i feel thats what its about.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am so happy for you that you found the heart of things for yourself. You even seem calmer in the way you write.:hug:

 

[lostforgottensoul]

You even seem calmer in the way you write.

Thanks! I am today though I fear it wont stay this way. Hopefully this is the heart of it all.

 

[Heather]

@lostforgottensoul you make me laugh! Sense of humor is good, hold onto that. Glad writing it out is helping you.

Hugs

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Thanks @Heather, not many appreciate my style of humor. Its certianly not staying calm @gizmo, maybe a lot more focused but my anxiety is insanly high for being on 150mg seriquiol XR a day and generally a quarter of a mg of xanax twice a day and 1 full mg of xanax at night. I havent felt this much anxiety since i was first put on meds and when i was freaking out on customers at work and it was increased. The level stays around an 8 all day and a 10 out of work but never lower than an 8. I had it pretty well under control with meds before this so i know its this causing it but wow.

 

[Heather]

;)I hear those dishes at goodwill calling your name!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Indeed @Heather! I totally need to carve a space out to stash them to easily grab them on days i need to!

Gosh, this thread is already 7 pages and i just now focused myself on it and havent scratched the surface yet on it. God god! My sister called my dad today and shes still kicking. They thought she was going last Sun but didnt. Ive never wanted someone to hurry up and die before but thats what im saying. Die already so i can deal with this. Damn that sounds horrible!

ETA: rephrased: Since you already dying hurry up and die already so i can deal with this. Though that doesnt sound any less horrible...

 

[Heather]

No it's not horrible.... you need closure, you need to move forward and until she passes it's like you're in limbo.

Totally understand your feelings.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

until she passes it's like you're in limbo.

Totally and its one hell of a limbo. Id like to stop my world from turn upside down. Being focused helps but not fully.

 

[Heather]

Hang in there my friend

Sending lots of hugs.