What Has Your Group Experience Been Like?

[clare]

I've kinda had it waiting for transport to free counseling and thinking of starting a group. I've read threads on doing it. I've contacted some others who have started groups, though not for PTSD. I've found a psychologist you may be able to contribute her services and I've found a number of spaces I could use. What I'm interested in is members experiences in support groups. What did you find most helpful? What didn't work? For instance, when I was in an intensive outpatient program we had a group for womens support, a member started to talk about her sexual abuse as a child and the moderator interrupted her saying "I'm sorry you can't talk about that here, it may upset other group members". Shouldn't the purpose of a group be to talk about things you can't discuss elsewhere?

Anyone with ideas/experiences about groups, please let me know your thoughts.

 

[Grama-Herc]

IMHO, that therapist was wrong!

 

[Jagged Angel]

I did group work while in rehab years ago. I have to admit I hated it - it seemed like a giant pity-party to me, where each person was trying to out-do the last on how bad their lives were. However, I am also aware that this problem was due to the people in the group, not the fact that it was group work... so, in answer to your question about what should be discussed - if you are going to have a group, I think that sensitive things need to be discussed. This is why you need a psychologist there - to help people through the problems, and one of those problems is talking about things, or listening to others talk about things.

What is the point of a helping group that won't talk about sensitive issues?

What did I find most helpful? To be honest, nothing really, but I was not prepared to bring anything to the experience - group is not for me. What I did notice about the other people in the group was that they seemed to find the fact that they were listened to and understood very helpful. I guess it's like being on this forum here, that sometimes all you want is to be heard and for people to not think you are crazy...

What didn't work? Therapists who insisted that I was in denial about my denial... and if I didn't 'get closure' on things, I would never heal... and being told to get over most of that 'stuff' and concentrate on helping others... and being told that basically I had no control over my life because I'm a victim. (Sorry, I hate the word 'victim', I even hate the word 'survivor', to me, they both feed into a victim mentality that ends up on Oprah's couch with the words 'poor little me'.. sorry if I've offended anyone with that). In other words, make sure that the therapist you get for this group is a good person, not just a 12-step in disguise, or a cold-hearted nut case.

 

[melissagrace]

Hmmm... I have been in groups where people spoke explicitly of trauma-- I mean *detailed* details-- and triggered others like crazy. It was a mess, to say the least. I have also been in groups where people spoke in more general terms-- like about effects of trauma, positive coping skills, etc.-- and it was much more successful.

I have to say, based on my experience, that the therapist may be right. It is possible to speak of our "common experience" as trauma survivors without the gory details, and to leave the "yucky stuff" for individual therapy sessions. In fact, I think it is important to create the distinction, in part, as a therapeutic measure... Learning boundaries and such for dealing with strangers and acquaintances is very important, as often traumatic experiences are boundary-issue problems to begin with.

IMHO, it's a learning process, and one that seems painful in the beginning ("I can't believe they won't let me talk about what REALLY happened"), but starts to make more sense as you follow the process ("I see that we can find common healing ground without scaring the bejeezus out of each other"). I do know that groups full of dissociating scaredy-cats aren't very supportive :crazy:...

JMHO
best,
melissagrace

 

[anthony]

[DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/showthread.php?t=7481[/DLMURL]

 

[anthony]

You cannot help someone who does not understand that they can only help themselves. Even group therapy... the people in the group must be willing to help themselves and not be their because they think the group can help them... it will fail.

The most successful groups are run usually in one of two ways... keep it social or keep it formal. Social means exactly that... a social gathering to relax, chill out and maybe you may talk about something or find someone to relate with that will aid you in your own recovery.

Formal is where each group member must first realistically be interviewed as to whether they are really in the right place to be in the group in the first place. As above outlined... you just end up with a mess otherwise. Each person must not be questioned to get the right answers, but instead give the right answers when asked something simple and open like, "what are your reasons for wanting to be within this gorup?" Nothing more, nothing less. The answer need only be to find support and the most important part you are looking for.... they want to help themselves heal because they understand and realise from past experience that nothing else is working for them... sympathy, etc... not viable in a group, just like here.

The group leader must be an assertive person....

 

[2quilt]

I was in a group once where someone was told not to continue because she was triggering others in the group. It was not clear to everyone in the group just how detailed we were allowed to get when talking about our traumas.

I was once in a support group run by Parents without Partners where they actually mixed abusers court-ordered to be there, with abuse survivors they did not know personally. That was a flaming failure and I quit before the first 30 minutes passed.

Since trust has to be earned, over time and shared experiences, it makes sense to me to get a group together of people who share a type of trauma, allow them to talk about common topics and make friends, don't rush them, and after months and months of this weekly or twice-weekly meetings, encourage them all to open up a few details, slowly, if they are ready. When they are all ready, coach them to talk about generalities of the trauma. By the littles they may want to divulge more and more about the traumatic event.

Encourage journallng that will only be read if the survivor wants to read it.

 

[clare]

Thanks so much Anthony!

I have read the "How To.." thread. Obviously I needed to read it again! The social group seems the safest, soundest place to start. Thanks Grama, Jagged Angel and Melissa! Your opinions and the experiences you've shared are very helpful.

Anyone else care to relate, I'd really appreciate it!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I can understand why the moderator of that group did not want members to discuss their trauma. I just came out of a phospital program for PTSD and nobody knew anything about anybody else's trauma. Group work was for general issues, individual therapy was for trauma work. This was so we weren't all re-traumatizing each other. Understandably so, because everybody is in a different place in their healing.

 

[clare]

Thanks scared and 2quilt, very helpful stuff. So far I see more people are of the opinion that detailed trauma review is not for group. I'm gaining more clarity with every response and it seems that the best way to start would be with a "contract" or agreement that as a group we will not engage in discussion that would be obviously distressing, ie., you can say "my history of sexual abuse is likely the cause of my relationship problems" but not "after my uncle placed me on the floor..... and that's why I can't do...." I don't want people leaving feeling worse than when they came in. I know this may be difficult but with an agenda I think it's possible to have a peer support meeting where people can share helpful information without triggering each other. On the other side I, like Grama and Jagged feel like it's a bit of a rip off to not be able to discuss the very things that put us where we are in life. Maybe trust will allow for future divulgences, but initially at least I can mention that I feel for those that want to talk, and maybe we can set aside some vent time at the end of the meeting for more intense topics and notify those in advance that this may be triggering.

Thanks everyone!

clare

 

[goingonhope]

Learning boundaries and such for dealing with strangers and acquaintances is very important, as often traumatic experiences are boundary-issue problems to begin with.

melissagrace, I like this point you made here.

 

[mjava]

There's a book for group facilitation on PTSD and trauma recovery groups. I'll get the name if you like.