What Have You Done For Your Supporter/s Lately.

[ms spock]

I am being more grounded in myself.

 

[ms spock]

Cutting off from people can cause them immense pain, so you have to be careful that you are not sabotaging your relationships, and that you are not copping out in making amends and mending bridges by just cutting people out. It can cause supporters so much distress when we isolate. So if your self hatred and self judgement is making you think that they would be better off without you that can be a bit self indulgent, because that can be unlikely to be the case, they want contact so they know you are okay, and so they keep the relationships. That reads to me to be a feeling sorry for yourself, and thinking that they would be better off without you - well it means you get to skip doing the hard work that is maintaining relationships, so that attitude can be a real cop out.

People's connectedness to us is not just about us, they also have connectedness with us, and cutting them off can cause damage to them and their lives. So it depends where you are coming on this stuff, and doing it so you don't have to do the work, or don't have to face the music, or you don't have to sit with uncertainty, then it is a cop out, and a way of avoiding your own responsibilities towards other people.

If you are going to take a break from people in order to contain your behaviours, or work on your own behaviours, then that needs to be explicity discussed with the people who you are withdrawing from, otherwise it is just a self destructive hissy fit, that just compounds more pain to everyone.

"Dumping" people in that case, to my mind, and not really knowing the situation, is quite unhelpful to your supporters, and other people connected to you. As they experience uncertainty and doubt about themselves, and are not sure where they are with you.

Dumping people (which I have done) is more like primary school behaviours, not developmentally appropriate. Suffice to say I am not developmentally appropriate at times.

 

[ms spock]

Would dumping them count as doing something for them?
I think it should.

I would respectfully, and passionately disagree. Unless you had a frank discussion with them about giving them space. I think that dumping someone would actually be quite upsetting and destructive to them. This sounds like an engagement in a wide variety of the top ten distorted cognitions (thinking styles) mind reading and jumping to conclusions. This is all or nothing thinking.

I’d make a guess that all depends upon whether they have done anything to deserve being dumped I suppose

This is not relevant to this thread. I started this thread to talk about what we could for our supporters, dumping someone is a form of punishment and therefore is not an appropriate direction for this thread, and I will report this to the moderators if this conversation continues. Please read the opening post before continuing to comment. Judging someone as worthy of being dumped has nothing to do with the intentions of this thread, and can actually be an abusive thing to do. This thread is about appreciately our supporters, and noting that form time to time it would be nice if we did something for them, and recording some of the things that we do for them.

Blaming, shaming, punishing, considering if people are worthy of being dumped is antithetical to the purpose of this thread. Please feel free to start your own thread and have this discussion elsewhere.

 

[anonymous]

@Disco Dancing Queen my sincere apologies for making such a rash comment at the time of writing it I was feeling very anxious please feel free to remove the post about if they deserve to be dumped

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

Most recently, I spread out all the tarps/blankets/drop cloths we've been using to protect the fruits and veggies out in the sun to let them dry really well, then folded them all back up and put away for the next frost....then loaded up all the planters we carried in onto the back of the truck and put them back out in the sun....most often, I do laundry....healthy meal/snack/beverage prep daily (except for when he wants to play in the kitchen, too, or wants to take me out)....keep the living spaces neat and clean...make necessary phone calls....help with the gardening scene...help preserve the garden goodness....forage for wild sustenance...take care of the yard mowing...remind him often, verbally and in writing, how much I appreciate everything he does, am grateful for everything he is, and thank him for choosing to love me, in spite of me trying to repeatedly talk him out of it back in the day. lol

 

[ms spock]

It is okay anonymous we all have our times where we are a bit emotionally dysregulated. It sounds like to me that you are really being hard on yourself, and down on yourself, I do relate. I hope you can do a kind thing for yourself today, maybe do some self compassion? Have you seen the Kristen Neff website - though my self hatred went wild when I first looked into it.

Cheers,
Disco

 

[ms spock]

Done today
Exercising
Being clearer about boundaries
Making them a treat
Sending a text

To do:
Sending a card

 

[CatInTree]

I proofread a text.

 

[ms spock]

Not much - trying to be less difficult in some ways. Not really getting there.

 

[ms spock]

This afternoon I took a time out before I got more wound up. Being proactive.

 

[Freida]

I talked him into calling in sick tomorrow. He has been working too hard because he is worried I'm going to lose my job, and he is exhausted. So tomorrow he gets to stay home and I will take care of him for a change

 

[ms spock]

I was kind and encouraging.